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Original poster

To rehome my cat- postnatal ocd

78 replies

Shazafied · 28/07/2019 09:57

I’m really struggling with the exhaustion of being a mum to a 3 mo and 19mo as well as, what I now realise, is a form of pnd/postnatal ocd.

I won’t write war and peace but will try not to drip feed either. DD2 and I had an extremely close shave during her birth , acute placental Abruption and hemorrhage in birthing pool , cat1 section very scary indeed, thought we were both going to die and had long recovery. Have always suffered from anxiety but never the checking behaviour of ocd.

Have been plagued with fears that my children will come to harm / die since DD2 birth. Only get around 2-3 hrs sleep per night , and tiredness makes it worse .

One of my triggers is the cat - please don’t tell me i am being silly I am in tears writing this . There are other triggers such as worrying that the house will burn down and getting out of bed repeatedly to check oven off etc.

We have a large black harmless Tom cat , he is scared of is own shadow so I feel guilty even thinking this. But I’m terrified he will try and sleep on one of the babies and kill them. I have found him asleep during the day twice in the babies cot when my husband left the door open and I think this has triggered it.

I get up countless times all night long and check that the cat is not in the bedroom , that the door is shut, i take multiple photos of the door to prove to myself that it is shut. The baby very nearly slept through last night and I am shattered as I had one hour of sleep from checking the door etc. once i am satisfied Te door is shut (4am this morning) I am too scared to leave the bedroom, even to go to the toilet , in case he gets in. I often lie awake and watch the baby breathing , even though I am so so incredibly tired . I know this sounds mad.

The ocd (I think it’s ocd) has other forms as well but all are related to my babies being harmed or killed.

I have spoken to gp and health visitor and am due a visit from mental health team but not for a couple more weeks.

It’s hard enough having 2u2 without dealing with this too. I have no family around to help. I need to get to grips with this and I think re-homing the cat would help as it would be a removal of a major trigger . But a very sad shame - I do love my cat and , to a sane person, he really isn’t a threat.

Does anyone have any experience of this ? I am too tired to think straight most of the time so it’s a vicious cycle.

I was going to take my toddler to the beach today but am scared to drive as am so tired so the poor thing yet again will lose out. My issues are really taking their toll on everything and everyone.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
borisisbonkers · 28/07/2019 10:46

If you have a nervous cat (one of mine is) they could be happier in a house without children op. I’d take time to consider it - it’s ok to not be ok with the new situation if you decide when things are calmer that the cat is extra work you can’t cope with, with your current burdens.

Floralnomad · 28/07/2019 10:47

The cat is not the issue , if you take him out of the equation it will just be something else , if you think you are reaching a crisis point then go back to the GP and tell them that to see if you can get help quicker . In the interim get the cat an outside kennel / house and put him out at night or shut him in the lounge / kitchen with a litter tray .

namechangerreloaded · 28/07/2019 10:48

Can you give the cat to someone to look after on a medium term basis?

I believe Sertraline is often used as a first measure to calm the thoughts and give you a bit of space to be able to talk about your issues with a counsellor. This is treatable and you will get better.

And when that happens (and your babies are no longer babies sleeping in cots) you might want your cat back...

Original poster
Shazafied · 28/07/2019 10:50

Thanks for all the understanding replies thus far.

OP posts:
RevealTheLegend · 28/07/2019 10:51

Oh OP. I do feel for you .. as you can tell I have been there and it’s awful. But you WILL get through it. Mine is 10 now, and those dark days are a painful but baffling memory.

Mine was ptsd as well as severe PND for a similar situation to you.

I can say I have NEVER had such clarity of thought as I had then sich absolutely certainly that the bad things would happen. And looking back they were utterly baffling.

The cat will be fine with a stay in the cattery. Or at least better than the a permanent rehome. Our scaredy-cat used to love it. They had a bird feeder and shed wach the birds and chirrup to herself, then when she got bored of that she’d meow at the other cats. Find a nice cattery..

And BE KIND to yourself

RevealTheLegend · 28/07/2019 10:54

And I agree with the others.

I know we often have a tendency to try to cope, and to minimise our feelings. Now is not the time. You are having a MH crisis. Go back to the doctor and cry. Weep, wail do whatever.

You need help, urgently.

Clankboing · 28/07/2019 10:56

Put the cat outside at night. Organise things so that it has shelter though.

Original poster
Shazafied · 28/07/2019 11:03

I had just checked my diary and my assessment is on 6/8. Will look at cat net and also putting cat outdoors at night. I’d have to catch Though def worth a try.

Downstairs is open plan so can’t shut in a room sadly.

OP posts:
Queenioqueenio · 28/07/2019 11:03

Can the cat go outside at night? Once my cat had done this I couldn’t keep him in at night.

sundaymorningblues · 28/07/2019 11:04

Flowers, OP. I had this too. Be kind to yourself. I agree with others that a temporary solution would be best, but you are not a bad person for feeling this way.

AlexaAmbidextra · 28/07/2019 11:05

Put the cat outside at night. It’s warm at the minute, the cat will be fine.

No. Please don’t put the cat outside at night. If he’s a nervous cat he’ll be terrified.

borisisbonkers · 28/07/2019 11:13

You can get a high stair gate op that the cat can’t jump for bottom of stairs. You might ask at local shelter about a foster situation.

Queenioqueenio · 28/07/2019 11:17

You can get a high stair gate op that the cat can’t jump for bottom of stairs. You might ask at local shelter about a foster situation.

My cat can jump from the floor to about 4 feet into a fence so it would need to be a very tall stair gate. I think your fostering idea might be good though.

AndSheWas85 · 28/07/2019 11:23

What a tough time for you OP, OCD is awful and I agree with others that once the cat is gone you with transfer your anxiety/OCD to something else.

You said you were concerned that the door was being left open, the idea about netting for the cot is a good one.
Also there are those alarms you can by in the pound shop. You stick one part on to the door frame and the other on to the door itself, if the door is opened the alarm goes off. So you would be immediately alerted if it was left open or someone tried to open it during the day/night.
I know its only a short term solution(to a complex problem) but it might help you get some sleep.

All the best to youFlowers

Autumnbrownie · 28/07/2019 11:30

I've suffered with ocd for over 10 years (diagnosed by Cahms and a second specialist at age 12) and it got so much worse after having my son, he's now 9 months old and I still struggle with constant intrusive thoughts that he'll get injured or worse, I actually have a home and outdoors routine and checklist that I follow to ensure his safety and my sanity, maybe something like this would help you. I created a list of anything that could harm my son (wires out, things he can reach... Ect) and an action to remove those risks (check everything is shut and locked, put dangerous items high up and out of reach, check all sockets and appliances are off... Ect) we don't have animals in our home but family we visit do have 3 cats and a dog, so when visiting them I have another checklist that includes putting the pushchair in another room and closing the door so the cats can't get in, keeping the change bag and any blankets out of the way and making sure they vacuum the floor to remove hairs before we visit (I'm aware it's excessive). It's extremely time consuming and if something gets missed I get quite stressed but that's ocd unfortunately. I'd recommend sitting down and just thinking of options, perhaps installing a mechanism on the bedroom door so it automatically shuts on its own keeping the cat out, or creating a designated space for your cat in a room for nighttime (open crate with comfy blanket, water, food and access to outdoors/litter tray) so you can keep the door shut and know that the cat is away from the baby. I'd also recommend a video monitor so you can see your baby at all times if you're in a different room, it'll put your mind at ease.

Sorry for such a long post but I know how difficult ocd is to live with, hopefully something I've said will help. I honestly don't believe rehousing your cat will make a difference to you if there's other triggers.

CrackOn · 28/07/2019 11:30

I had this to an extent too, OP. It does wear off. Is there a bathroom big enough to shut the cat in there overnight?

birdonawire1 · 28/07/2019 11:30

If the cat goes, you will replace the cat OCD with another trigger. You need to get some help for you mental health.

Plump82 · 28/07/2019 11:32

Please dont put the cat outside if it's nervous. It's almost like punishing it when it's really done nothing wrong

Loads of good suggestions like hinges that close the door right over, cat nets and door alarms.

borisisbonkers · 28/07/2019 11:32

I do have elderly cats now, perhaps that's right queenioqueenio, I see ones that are 110 cm.

ememem84 · 28/07/2019 11:35

I was worried about catface getting in ds’ cot when he was teeny. Really worried (mostly because everyone told me she would).

Ds is 22m now and she’s never once attempted it. She was a rescue and as yours did she hid from us for 3 months initially.

When we brought ds home for the first time she had a nose in the Moses basket but then took to sleeping curled up next to me on our bed - essentially between me and the basket. And would alert me if he woke up.

When he’s not been well she snuggles on his feet (if he’s in/on our bed) or stays in his room on the floor next to his cot.

I was almost persuaded by people to take her back to the shelter because I wasn’t thinking about “the baby” but I couldn’t do it. Then had the guilt about the what ifs. What if I had taken her back and she stayed there for ages? What if I didn’t and she sat on him? Etc.

Due dc2 tomorrow. Am comforted by the fact she hasn’t tried to “get” ds. And confident enough that she won’t do it with dc2.

Aikaterina · 28/07/2019 11:40

Please don’t punish an already nervous cat by shutting it outside or in a bathroom! There have been some really good suggestions to keep the cat away from baby at night

It’s not about the cat, like people have said. I really feel for you OP, I hope you get help soon

Singleandproud · 28/07/2019 11:43

You can buy cat nets that go over cots which might help.

JeremyCorbynsCoat · 28/07/2019 11:53

Op have you considered medication? Sorry if this has been mentioned I haven't RTFT.

I have the exact same situation since DS2's birth I am obsessed with thoughts of one of us getting seriously ill or dying and it really really takes over your whole life.

Wynston · 28/07/2019 11:58

Op i just wanted to say that you are not alone with these all consuming thoughts.
I have done many things over the years-to eliminate my fears and realise that they are infact just self soothing methods so will get a temporary relief but eventually that fear will be replaced with another. X

Scuttlingherbert · 28/07/2019 12:13

maternalocd.org/

Check out this website, set up by a psychologist who experienced maternal OCD. It's really good

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