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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

child left unsupervised in a park

66 replies

snuggie · 27/07/2019 17:29

AIBU to be absolutely raging that my child was taken to a park on a playdate and left there with his 2 friends for an hour with no adult supervision. The park was a 5-7 min walk from the house at which he was to have a playdate in. I had asked that my child did not go beyond the gate as he has just turned 8 and the house was on quite a busy road in the middle of a housing estate. The parent told my child not to tell me!!! My child returned home and told me older children in the park were teasing them and he was very subdued and out of sorts. For the record I am not a helicopter mum and am very measured and realistic but I cant help thinking anything could have happened.

OP posts:

TheJoxter · 27/07/2019 17:34

Some people are more relaxed about what age their kids can go to the park unattended but since a- you’d told her your child couldn’t go past the gate and b- she told your child not to tell you YANBU at all and that parent should never be trusted to look after your child again (not that you need me to tell you that!)

huggybear · 27/07/2019 17:35

Not unreasonable at all in my eyes

Aridane · 27/07/2019 17:36

YANBU to be annoyed that your instructions were casually disregarded

MyDcAreMarvel · 27/07/2019 17:36

They should have done that against your wishes. Having said that 8 is plenty old enough to go to a park, what do you think could happen?

formerbabe · 27/07/2019 17:42

I wouldn't leave my eight year old in a park unsupervised, but that is actually irrelevant.

Most important and awful thing is the fact they went against your wishes and absolutely unforgivable is they asked your child to lie.

Shocking,untrustworthy behaviour.

formerbabe · 27/07/2019 17:43

Having said that 8 is plenty old enough to go to a park, what do you think could happen?

Your faux naivety and questioning is laughable.

Original poster

snuggie · 27/07/2019 17:44

I guess the fact that it was through a forested area and beside a river in the middle of a certain type of neighbourhood where teenagers gather to booze through the day just frightened me.

OP posts:

PuppyMonkey · 27/07/2019 17:45

Apparently on MN, lots of people think it’s fine for 8 yo kids to go out to parks alone. But if you left an 8 yo kid home alone, then YABU.

I’d be cross like you OP.

BillywilliamV · 27/07/2019 17:47

3x 8 year olds should be fine left unsupervised in a park for an hour or so.

GruciusMalfoy · 27/07/2019 17:47

I allow my kids to go to the park near our home because it's safe and I know the area. I don't allow them to do it near where their aunt lives, because there are busy roads, and some horrible kids around there.

The other parent was totally unreasonable to go against your wishes and tell your child to not tell you what they did.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 27/07/2019 17:48

Whether the child is old enough to be in a park without an adult is irrelevant, the fact a parent told the child to lie to their own parent is absolutely appalling.

We all have different ways of parenting, and that's fine. What works for me wouldn't work for OP and vice versa.

But any parent telling my child to lie to me would get told, pretty fucking quickly, that I do not tolerate people telling my child to lie to me, or keep secrets from me.

So if other posters would be happy to let their 8 yo to the park unsupervised, that's fine. Would those same posters be happy with another parent telling your child to lie to you?

I doubt it somehow.

QuickThinkOfAName · 27/07/2019 17:49

It's not about whether you agree with leaving kids in the park unsupervised.

You told the mum your son wasn't to go out by himself.

And then (and this is the kicker) she told your son to lie to you about it.

I could not trust that person again. Getting children to lie to their parents is totally unacceptable. You should be the one person they can confide in.

IsobelRae23 · 27/07/2019 17:50

Depends on where you are to be honest. Where I live 6+ are out and about- but everyone knows everyone and which kids belong to whom. Therefore anyone ‘unknown’ In the area, kids would go and tell ‘there’s a man we don’t know....’. But then if you are in a larger town/city etc it would be a different scenario. So only you can really judge.

IncrediblySadToo · 27/07/2019 17:50

They shouldn’t have left them there unsupervised when they knew you had concerns, no .

Mrsjayy · 27/07/2019 17:52

I think you are going to get its/notfine for 8 years to be dropped off at the park. You don't like it and you probably shouldn't let him go back to thefriends because you can't trust the grown ups when they ask your kid to lie, I

MsTSwift · 27/07/2019 17:52

I am a relaxed parent my dd went to the park in her own for first time yesterday she is a sensible 10 her mum and I texted each other to confirm we both happy with it. 8 too young imo and wouldn’t appreciate being misled. No more play dates there

InTheHeatofLisbon · 27/07/2019 17:52

Getting children to lie to their parents is totally unacceptable. You should be the one person they can confide in.

This. It's exactly why my kids know that if an adult tells them to lie to their parents that is not on. Because they need to know that me and their dad are the two people that they can always trust.

Undermining that is a shit thing to do.

MsTSwift · 27/07/2019 17:53

Sorry meant she went with a friend both other mum and I agreed ok with it

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 27/07/2019 17:59

No OP YANBU

I too would be quite pissed off

Mumsymumphy · 27/07/2019 18:00

The parent telling your child not to tell you is bang out of order - I'd be speaking to them about that.

I wouldn't let my 8 year old go to a park alone or with friends. Older children and teenagers are a much more everyday, realistic threat than kidnap etc, as your situation proves. Hope your son perks up soon.

Invisimamma · 27/07/2019 18:00

They explicitly ignored your instructions which is obviously wrong.

Although, my 8 year old regularly goes to the park with friends without an adult. We have gone over what to do in certain situations etc, he also has a GPS watch which can make/receive phone calls.

I don't think 8 is too young to be out unsupervised but it sounds like your child isn't ready for the responsibility yet and shouldn't have been put in that situation by the other parent.

When my son is at play dates I usually say he follows the rules/boundaries of the parent in charge at that house (even if different from my own).

VenusTiger · 27/07/2019 18:08

OP, @InTheHeatofLisbon has this spot on! I wouldn’t bother bringing up the park thing, as it will shade out your justifiable anger towards the lying situation!! In this day and age, sadly, teaching a child to keep secrets or to lie, by a grown up (!! to boot!!) is inexcusable and quite frankly disgraceful behaviour!!

I’d be telling the parent exactly my thoughts on children being told to lie and hide the truth in this day and age and how very dangerous it is!

InTheHeatofLisbon · 27/07/2019 18:11

I’d be telling the parent exactly my thoughts on children being told to lie and hide the truth in this day and age and how very dangerous it is!

Completely agree. Adults who encourage kids to keep secrets from their parents aren't adults my kids would be around!

Purely because it's been drummed into my children that any adult telling them to tell lies is not to be trusted and never complied with!

ysmaem · 27/07/2019 18:17

What wound me up about your post the most was the bit where the other parent told your child not to tell you! All aspects of what this other parent did was bang out of order but that's just something else! I'm sorry this happend to you. You know now not to trust this person with your child again.

converseandjeans · 27/07/2019 18:17

YANBU about the lying to you. But it's probably the age the kids round by me go alone. DS has friends who can go with him (he's 9 tho) and other friends who only go places in a car with parents. I think it's good for them to learn how to deal with life. Older kids have always taken the mickey out of younger ones - it's just life. I wouldn't make a fuss to parent - perhaps have them over to yours next time so you can set the rules you want.

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