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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

child left unsupervised in a park

66 replies

snuggie · 27/07/2019 17:29

AIBU to be absolutely raging that my child was taken to a park on a playdate and left there with his 2 friends for an hour with no adult supervision. The park was a 5-7 min walk from the house at which he was to have a playdate in. I had asked that my child did not go beyond the gate as he has just turned 8 and the house was on quite a busy road in the middle of a housing estate. The parent told my child not to tell me!!! My child returned home and told me older children in the park were teasing them and he was very subdued and out of sorts. For the record I am not a helicopter mum and am very measured and realistic but I cant help thinking anything could have happened.

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 27/07/2019 18:21

Considering you’d specifically said and she told your child not to tell you then I’d be raging. How dare someone tell your child to keep secrets from you.

missyB1 · 27/07/2019 18:24

Absolutely no more play dates there.

louise5754 · 27/07/2019 18:30

I with at 8 year old you should always be able to see if not hear your kids. Mine are 7 and 9 and no way would I let them go out alone. His would they cross the road? Not a chance.

louise5754 · 27/07/2019 18:30

"I think at"

louise5754 · 27/07/2019 18:31

"How" 🙈

Pineapplefish · 27/07/2019 18:34

I'd be very pissed off about this too OP.

Yabbers · 27/07/2019 18:36

Having said that 8 is plenty old enough to go to a park, what do you think could happen?

Your faux naivety and questioning is laughable.

I live right across from a park. 8 year olds play there all the time by themselves. Nothing happens to them. What’s laughable is the suggestion that outside is massively risky to every 8 year old and yet statistically it is just as safe as it has been for decades.

Safer than in the home where the vast majority of abuse and accidents happens.

I don’t think YABU for having rules for your child. I think YABU for expecting other parents to abide by them or for leaving your child in the care of people who will say things like “don’t tell your mum”

DD is 10, she doesn’t go to the house of any child I don’t know and trust the parents of.

CalmdownJanet · 27/07/2019 18:37

The fact she told your child not to tell you would send me into orbit!

Zoflorabore · 27/07/2019 18:45

I have an 8yr old dd who is allowed out in our close to play with her friends. She is a very sensible girl but I don't allow her to go to the park alone yet (5-7 mins walk and opposite her school so a route she knows very well) for various reasons.

One is that there are often much older kids/teens there and I would worry in case of bullying etc. Another is that there is a small road that is on a bend that she would have to cross and it scares the shit out of me and lastly, none of her friends are allowed to go either.

What I find crazy is that she is allowed to go to the local swimming pool on her own as she is 8. She has been able to swim since she was 4 but lots of her friends can't which was discovered during the recent school swimming lessons. 8 is still quite young to be honest and I'm no way an over protective parent.

I wouldn't be happy if anyone told my child to lie to me. That is a very low thing to do.

newtlover · 27/07/2019 18:46
  1. you need to talk to your child, and affirm they did the right thing by telling you what happened, LOTS of praise for telling the truth and well done for remembering that even if a grown up tells you to lies, you don't, and mum will always believe you and you won't be in trouble for telling the truth.
  2. explain that because keeping them safe is the most important thing for you, and the grown ups in this case didn't do what was needed to keep them safe, you won't be leaving them in their care again.

I'd then ignore the other parents, not worth getting in a fight with people like that. Your kid is safe, they have learnt a valuable lesson.

As it happens I would trust a group of 8 year olds to go to a nearby park unsupervised, usually, but that's neither here nor there.

I8toys · 27/07/2019 18:47

YANBU I would be annoyed too. Its the don't tell your mum thing that would bug me.

cakeandchampagne · 27/07/2019 18:51

I would be angry. Don’t trust that parent again.

Italiangreyhound · 27/07/2019 18:52

YADNBU, this is appalling behaviour from the mum.

Candymay · 27/07/2019 18:53

I’d be furious and I’d be letting them know how I felt. It would nor happen again.

Yogagirl123 · 27/07/2019 18:55

YANBU OP

justasking111 · 27/07/2019 19:03

The other parents telling your child to lie means they knew it was wrong.

pikapikachu · 27/07/2019 19:07

You can't have a rule about going to the park unsupervised without knowing where OP lives and what her child is like.

Here 7-8 year olds are unsupervised at the park but that's here and in another area I'd feel the same.

Some kids aren't ready to be unsupervised- not because their parents wrap them in cotton wool but because they don't have skills like crossing the road, not taking to strangers etc

If the mum disagreed with the no supervision rule she should have declined the play date. Telling OP's son to keep it a secret is very unreasonable.

GabsAlot · 27/07/2019 19:07

Doesnt matter how old they child is the parent told them to lie

Yabbers · 27/07/2019 19:11

Apparently on MN, lots of people think it’s fine for 8 yo kids to go out to parks alone. But if you left an 8 yo kid home alone, then YABU.

Sure, because a child playing in a park with friends is exactly the same as leaving a child alone with sharp knives and an oven and a gas hob, several trip and fall hazards etc etc.

Yabbers · 27/07/2019 19:12

Don’t trust that parent again.

I’m interested as to how she thought she could trust them in the first place. She obviously doesn’t know them well, is distrustful enough of the world generally not to let her 8 year old out of her sight, but hands over to the kind of parents who say “don’t tell your mum”?

NeckPainChairSearch · 27/07/2019 19:18

Having said that 8 is plenty old enough to go to a park, what do you think could happen?

8 year olds play there all the time by themselves. Nothing happens to them

What’s laughable is the suggestion that outside is massively risky to every 8 year old

I really dislike this predictably sneery attitude. Posters falling over themselves to ridicule other parents for not parenting in exactly the same way they do.

Cool, nothing bad has ever happened to any 8 year old in that park near you, ever. You have literally no idea about other parks, other people's lives, concerns, worries, children's characters, maturity, abilities, whatever.

We live in a really nice area, it's regularly cited as one of the best areas to bring up kids etc. Three times in the last five years, a stranger has attempted to abduct a child from the lovely, family-friendly park in broad daylight.

It's made people here much more worried about that kind of thing. I completely agree with a pp about the faux-concern, head-tilting bullshit of 'what do you think will happen?'

It gets really fucking tedious.

continuallychargingmyphone · 27/07/2019 19:22

I don’t care how small the risk is: my child is not being put at risk of unspeakable terror and agony, killed, and possibly leaving me with the agony of not knowing what happened to her for the rest of my life.

End of.

I know it’s a small risk - I don’t care! That’s my call as a parent.

MsJRMEsq · 27/07/2019 19:23

They should have told you that they were planning to do that, I've always checked with the other child's parent before agreeing to anything like that. It's irrelevant the age of the child, the issue is that they should have checked it was OK.

formerbabe · 27/07/2019 19:24

@NeckPainChairSearch

I couldn't agree more with you. I hate this competitive cool parent shit of who is the most lax.

Yabbers · 27/07/2019 19:28

I really dislike this predictably sneery attitude. Posters falling over themselves to ridicule other parents for not parenting in exactly the same way they do.

About as tedious as the comment that anyone who doesn’t think the world is inherently dangerous to children is laughable? As was said by the person I quoted? I have no interest in how others parent their children, but if you come at me for how I parent mine, then I will respond in kind.

Three times in the last five years, a stranger has attempted to abduct a child from the lovely, family-friendly park in broad daylight.

Three times in five whole years, huh? Wow, what an epidemic. It happened in our lovely area too last year and everyone went nuts. Of course, the real story about how it was the child’s estranged father never made the headlines. As it is in the vast majority of attempted (and actual) abductions of children.

You can wrap your child up in cotton wool and keep them under lock and key if you wish, that’s your choice. My preference is to assess risks with actual facts, against probable outcomes and have decided letting my daughter have some independence which has built her confidence and helped her tremendously, especially given she has a disability and is still dependent on us in ways other kids aren’t, is the best way for us.

If I was hosting a child here and they were left with a list of demands on how I should and shouldn’t care for them I’d be sending them back home.