Aibu to not want dd to call MIL mama?

[etotheb]

So my sister in law children call my mother in law "mama". My husband made it clear in the beginning that he didn't feel comfortable with it and we wouldn't be following the tradition.

Now fast forward 16 months and my dd has started calling me mama as babies do lol.. last night at her house my toddler was walking in the corridor shouting mama and just before she opened the door to come to me I heard mil interrupt my toddler and said "no thats mum, I'm mama, mama mama mama"

She is quite overbearing and will refuse to say "my grandchildren" she will say "my daughter, my child" etc so I think she's refusing to acknowledge she isn't the only mother around?

Aibu to not want this to happen?

oh she will soon call you mum and call me mama like the cousins

So she wants to be known as mama, her other grandchildren call her mama but you want your children to call her something different? Grandparents tell you how what they want to be known as surely? You don’t get to tell them what they will be called or want to be known as

Babies usually say mummummum /muma instead of mummy rather than mama but if you are wanting DD to call you muma rather than mummy then I apologise if I’m not fully understanding the issue.

YANBU!

You don’t get to tell them what they will be called or want to be known as confused

You do get to tell them that they can't be called something that means mother though!

OP YANBU.

@Sorryisntgoodenough

I understand but I also think grandparents do get to decide what they want to be called as long as it isn't a parent name. My child already calls me mama not muma it's mama and she's trying to stop it.

If a grandma says "oh I want to be called mummy, chose something else" is that appropriate? I don't think so

@Nanny0gg

LOOOL. Yes I have the picture book that comes out every morning and night lmao!

She's out of order and her insisting that your child will learn to call her mama is creepy, overbearing and shows a total lack of respect and boundaries.

I'm all for grandparents choosing their name, but not one that is being used for mum and once the parents have raised an issue, you respect their wishes as the child's parents.
You don't act like an oddball and creepily tell the mother that the child will learn to call you mama.

Grandparents get the choice of the options given by the parents ie Nanna, Granny, Grandad, Grandpa etc.

Personally I’d wind up MIL & say that after talking to SIL you agree with her that the maternal grandmother is called Mama, so MIL will have to be Granny X.

Can I just mention here that my MIL was lovely & I’m wish she’d had longer to enjoy her GC.

My dc used to call my step-dm dgm dragon!!
Very apt.

You mil sounds unhinged.

I suggest you use grandmama then. That way it's clear who is mama and who is grandma..

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I cannot STAND the word 'mama' (unless it's pronounced mumm-a, but I presume it is pronounced mahma ie mam as in ham), even worse, I saw someone on here awhile ago talk about their 'mammy'. It makes me think of that blackface minstrel show where they put black shoe polish on their faces and sing mahhhh-meee.

As to your MIL saying she will eventually call her 'mama' I would simply say back "no she won't, because I won't allow her to, if she does I will correct her". You've decided she won't call MIL that, and that's it. Just stick to it.

Yes, do what flouncy says!! Lol!

Is she Spanish? I know a Spanish grandma who is called this by grandkids

I don't agree that grandparents get to pick their name. My LO has 7 grandparents. None wanted their Christian name included e.g. Nana Doris and Nana Ethan. So each one had to have a different name. I assigned them and everyone went with it. We have Nan, Nana, Grandma, Granny, Grandad, Grandpa and Grandpop. We didn't want to end up with 4 Grandmas for example.

The grandparents should choose what they want to be called as long as it’s not mum, mama or mummy.

My mother says she wants to be called MIMMA

So now the dogs call her Mimma & my poor dad’s now been stuck with Mimmo !

@Sorryisntgoodenough

No. Grandparents get called a suitable name their grandchildren can pronounce. What nonsense is this grandparent name business? It seems pretty modern. Grandma/ gran/ nan/ nanny.

Nooooo. You tell her off right away.
Teach your dd your mils first name.

Yanbu. However, she obviously cares about her GC, unlike a lot of mil's I've heard about.

The thing is it might be totally normal to call your granny mama in some parts of the country but nowhere is it normal to refer to your grandchildren as your children, or to insist on being called x or y as.a grandparent once the parents have said no.

My mother did all that - she used to call herself "mummy" to my kids, and she'd refer to.me as "granny", and continued doing it despite me correcting her. And before anyone says it, no she didn't have Alzheimer's. It was just one symptom of her batshittery, not the worst, and we don't see her any more. Their other granny wasn't keen on the traditional names for granny because she felt they aged her (she was 70 when they were born) and hemmed and hawed over a number of alternatives in her dialect before the kids took matters into their own hands and started calling her Oma (standard German word for granny) which to her ears is like me as a Scottish being called grandmama or something.

God what is wrong with these folk? My DD at the age of about 1 and a half turned round to me one day and went "granny nice". Man, if I was that granny and my grandkid had just formed one of her first sentences to express that she liked me, I'd take whatever name she had managed to give me.

each time she tries to override you with your child, say out loud husbandname i really think shes got the dementia or something is wrong with her brain, we really have to get her check, she thinks shes mum again!!!!!

My mum is a mamma (Mom-Mar)
as was my grandmother.

How are you pronouncing it?
Mam-Ma?

I one had a colleague whose father in law insisted that the toddler called him and the child's real father Daddy.The child had a Daddy F and a Daddy P.It was unheard of in our culture and felt very controlling. Divorce followed in the next few years and the child was very much absorbed into the father in law family, access but sits were made very difficult etc.It was hugely cruel and unpleasant.

I saw someone on here awhile ago talk about their 'mammy'. It makes me think of that blackface minstrel show where they put black shoe polish on their faces and sing mahhhh-meee.

I can assure you that 'mammy' is a perfectly ordinary way for Irish children, and some adults, to address their mothers. It has nothing to do with blackface.