Aibu to not want dd to call MIL mama?

[etotheb]

So my sister in law children call my mother in law "mama". My husband made it clear in the beginning that he didn't feel comfortable with it and we wouldn't be following the tradition.

Now fast forward 16 months and my dd has started calling me mama as babies do lol.. last night at her house my toddler was walking in the corridor shouting mama and just before she opened the door to come to me I heard mil interrupt my toddler and said "no thats mum, I'm mama, mama mama mama"

She is quite overbearing and will refuse to say "my grandchildren" she will say "my daughter, my child" etc so I think she's refusing to acknowledge she isn't the only mother around?

Aibu to not want this to happen?

She refers to your children as her own children? That's fucking scary. I think you need to start seeing less of her for now and tell your dh he needs to speak to her about this urgently. Go easy on her - sounds like she may have very serious psychological issues that require medical intervention.

This is so weird! This would make me so cross! Tell her she calls herself nanna or similar or she doesn’t see DD!

Well if she’s going to be like that, I’d start teaching DD to call her by her first name instead

Is this a regional thing? I’ve seen this come before on MN and quite a few posters have said “ yes that’s normal round such a part of the country “ seems weird to me though.

Mama is for the mother of the child.

I call my grandsons "my boys" but never my sons.
Maybe one of the cousins couldn't say grandma as a LO and called her Mamar and it stuck?

You could do what we did, when our children were small and we were referring to my husband's Grandmother, We called her "Old Nanny" to differentiate between her and the children's Grandmother. So you can be Mama, and she can be Old Mama! She might change her mind then!!

Am I right in thinking this isn’t a new problem?
If she says mama, I would say “MIL, you are not mama.” If she protests, ignore, pick up dd, say “come with mummy” and walk away from any situation. She knows how you feel and is being mean ☹️

How is she pronouncing Mama, though? In parts of the East Midlands Mama, pronounced Mom-Mar is pretty normal option for a Granny.

it wouldn't worry what dgc called me as long as he loved me - & it wasn't rude

Aliciamayemory

She pronounces it the way you would pronounce eit for the mother. I know what you mean.

I even said grandmama and most likely dd will call you mama until she grasps the grand sound anyway! So you still get your mama fix. But she was like "no" lol and said dd will get jealous that her cousins are allowed to call her mama and she can't and will hate me lol

Screw loose

DM will refer to DS as her boy eg 'there's my favourite boy' (other GC are girls so she can get away with it), but not her son! Mama is for mothers, she sounds odd. Does she have a thing about her age? I have an aunt (step so only 14 years older than me) who for years in my late teens and twenties, told me not to tell people I was her niece because it would make her seem old!

DM doesn't like grandma as that's what she called her great grandmother so sees it as a much older label, so she's Nana and MIL is grandma. DF is called something very unusual and made up by my oldest DN, she started when very small and it stuck, we're not sure if the youngest ones will follow suit, but if it's anything other than grandpa/grandad it'll be the children's choice.

Just tell MiL, at school, DD going to look a right prat!

Also, YOU are her mama and your DD will not be confused by her granny! Poor wee girl. DH, sort your mama out!

Literally just opened this thread to read it and adult dd randomly said "Are you wearing a new top, Mama?" She doesn't usually call me that!

Well if she’s going to be like that, I’d start teaching DD to call her by her first name instead

My MIL was huffing and puffing about what she wanted to be called when DH and I had our son a long time after her other grandchildren, as though she were choosing a title to use to sit in the House of Lords or something. In the end, she could have saved her energy, as DS, from the time he could talk, became fascinated by the fact that people had their own names as well as titles like Mummy, Granny etc, and called all four grandparents by their first names.

Stop visiting her/inviting her round. Silent treatment until she learns her place. She is not your child’s mama - you are!

YANBU at all. Tell your DH to have a stern word with his mother.

Just point that she’s grandma not mother.

Ffs she’s batshit. Total opposite though, of my MIL. She insists any and everyone calls her grandma - even me! Added to the fact that she’s always been a bitch to me, I just refuse to follow her inane whims.

I had this problem along time ago with MIL who had a very particular name that if I gave would out me. Having said that the new name my child came up with all by them-self would definitely out me.
Stick to your guns you’re the mama.

it’s just another name for grandma

No. It's another word for Mother.

I called my grandma this and my children call my mum it.

If it's the mom mar version and not mam-a?

Every single one of my cousins caklled my maternal grandmother something different. I called her 'Nanna-belle'. My cousin called her 'Mimsy'. Another cousin called her 'Granny'.

She accepted all names. Because that is what normal people do.

They certainly do not try and usurp the actual Mother's name and role.

What IS it with some MILS and thinking they're the mother??! How IS it they all have NPD?

Get your husband to tell her that if she keeps undermining you both that her name will be “Grandmother Last name”.

Jesus step away from the GP. Correct here everytime and maybe visit less this is batshit.
My in laws might say ah here's our boys but not there boys find this madness OP.