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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to brother’s wedding?

73 replies

iamsosad · 27/07/2019 15:29

Usually re childfree weddings I’m like - “up to the bride and groom, but don’t be annoyed if people can’t attend”. If a friend of ours had a childfree wedding it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, and DH and I would juggle who stays home or get childcare and both go.

However, my brother has not invited our son. Apparently it’s the venue but I am not sure if that’s just an excuse, and either way the idea of him not giving a crap about DS attending has really hurt me and I don’t know if I want to go based on that. AIBU? (Probably yes, but just found out and feeling extremely upset. Probably need my head wobbled)

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 27/07/2019 15:34

Check with the venue and if it’s just your brother’s decision I would have to accept they just do not want any children, family or not.
Bit mean though.

TixieLix · 27/07/2019 15:36

How old is your son OP? If he's a baby or young toddler then I would be less bothered personally as he won't get much out of it and wouldn't be bothered probably. If he's older though, I'd be quite put out.

TwistyTop · 27/07/2019 15:38

How old is your DS?

PurpleDaisies · 27/07/2019 15:40

Is your brother normally kind?

grafittiartist · 27/07/2019 15:42

I'd be really upset too.
Family are family. I know that's not everyone's view though.

TidyDancer · 27/07/2019 15:47

Yes, age matters a lot here. Childfree weddings are fine generally, but if he's an ebf newborn for eg, then that's different.

whiteroseredrose · 27/07/2019 15:50

I'd be upset but my DC have been to all of my siblings' weddings from age 4 and 7 to teenagers.

Magmatic80 · 27/07/2019 15:50

Is he getting married in a casino? Struggling to think of a venue that hosts weddings but doesn’t allow children. Sorry you’re having to deal with this

PurpleDaisies · 27/07/2019 15:51

Struggling to think of a venue that hosts weddings but doesn’t allow children.

Adult only hotel?

perplexedagain · 27/07/2019 15:53

Umm we did this - v much because of safety at the venue - I was adamant that toddlers / young children couldn't attend. There were a lot of candles and steep stairs and there was a dark chapel bit underground ... that said we invited a few older children - depended on the relationship to us and their ages

Expressedways · 27/07/2019 15:56

It’s a shame but it’s their choice to have a childfree wedding. I think you’d really regret missing your brother’s wedding if you didn’t go.

Rainforevermore · 27/07/2019 15:59

I didn't invite my nephews or nieces to my wedding. It was a small affair and a potential for my family to greatly outweigh dh's, given he is an only child. They were young adults and I'm sure wouldn't have wanted to come anyway, but it was up to us who we invited, and up to them if that meant they didn't want to come.

Original poster
iamsosad · 27/07/2019 15:59

He’s 2. Half of my family will not be attending because of my brother and his fiancées behaviour over some other matters but I wanted to go regardless as I was sad for him that he wouldn’t have other siblings there etc. However I feel that this is just quite a shitty thing to do. We had a childfree wedding as none of our friends or family had children - but if I had a niece or a nephew of course that would have changed things (easy to say though I suppose).

The venue isn’t open today so can’t call and check. I’ve not been in this situation before so might just be being sensitive, but I feel like it sort of acts like my son isn’t a valid member of the family who needs to be included IYSWIM.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 27/07/2019 16:02

Personally if I could get childcare I'd still go. 2 year olds are hard work at weddings so I'd prefer to be child free in that case and he won't know he's not invited or remember it.

LL83 · 27/07/2019 16:04

Why has your opinion changed because it is your brother?

Your child is 2 they wont feel excluded. It is their decision and it shows they want an adult only wedding not a reflection on their feelings for your child.

Yabbers · 27/07/2019 16:08

Why are you sad that a 2 year old who will know nothing of the day, isn’t invited? If they were 10 I’d see your point, but 2? Find a sitter and go.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 27/07/2019 16:08

Half of my family will not be attending because of my brother and his fiancées behaviour over some other matters

Is he having 12 groomsmen all dressed in white? 😱

Yabbers · 27/07/2019 16:09

The venue isn’t open today so can’t call and check.

What would having this information do? You think you’d call him out and he’d say “sure, busted, bring your kid”

EWAB · 27/07/2019 16:13

My brother did not invite my DP or my two children to his wedding. I totally get why you are upset but trust me the idea of a lovely family wedding is very different from the stark reality of managing a two year old at a wedding. He has the potential to ruin it. Whatever you do don’t ring the venue behind your brother’s back. He might be lying to save your feelings as they don’t want children. Don’t express disappointment either. Don’t miss your brother’s wedding as there will be no way back from it.

PurpleDaisies · 27/07/2019 16:14

Ok, there’s back story here...

Expressedways · 27/07/2019 16:14

Sorry if I’m missing something but why would you call the venue to check? Your brother has not invited your son because they don’t want children at their wedding. If you find out he’s fibbing about the venue’s policy and confront him, your son still won’t be welcome but you’ll also be arguing with your brother.

misskatamari · 27/07/2019 16:15

I can understand you feeling hurt, but i do think you're being a bit unreasonable. Try not to view it as them thinking that DS isn't a valid member of the family, they maybe just don't want kids at their wedding, which is up to them to decide. I know it stings, but if you generally get on okay with DB, i'd try and suck it up and help him celebrate his marriage with the wedding he and his fiancee want

jacks11 · 27/07/2019 16:29

If you had a child free wedding, it’s a bit much to be offended when he does the same....

Original poster
iamsosad · 27/07/2019 16:35

jacks11

Ours was childfree by default as literally no one attending had children...

OP posts:
TabbyMumz · 27/07/2019 17:01

I really dont blame him not wanting a two year old there, who is not likely to be quiet all day, and adds the potential for screaming, being boisterous and putting the attention all on him rather than the bride and groom. Nephew or not.

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