To not go to brother’s wedding?

[iamsosad]

Usually re childfree weddings I’m like - “up to the bride and groom, but don’t be annoyed if people can’t attend”. If a friend of ours had a childfree wedding it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, and DH and I would juggle who stays home or get childcare and both go.

However, my brother has not invited our son. Apparently it’s the venue but I am not sure if that’s just an excuse, and either way the idea of him not giving a crap about DS attending has really hurt me and I don’t know if I want to go based on that. AIBU? (Probably yes, but just found out and feeling extremely upset. Probably need my head wobbled)

I think it's hard to do a '"some but not others' rule. Maybe the brides family has a lot of v young kids and her side would be upset if theirs weren't invited but yours is? Honestly, 2 is about the worst age for kids at a wedding. At mine, we had two v small children of our own so we invited all our friends kids and had a bouncy castle etc but for a standard wedding, they are a pain and I always left mine at home, invited or not.

I can understand why they wouldn’t invite him. Two year olds can be complete nightmares at weddings whether they are a nephew or not. I went to one where a child ran up and down the aisle shrieking the whole way through the service. Now that’s fine if that’s what the couple want and it’s a big child friendly wedding but I can completely understand them not wanting that.

Plus it’s not like he will get anything out of being there - no memories or precious moments. It would be different if he was an older child but at 2, I wouldn’t have a problem if it were my child not invited.

When my DH and I got married we specified family children only under 10 years old. If not we would have had over 20 there and would have had to bump friends off the guest list. Out of about 100 guests we only had one not attend due to issues with childcare (the husband came by himself) I think not inviting close family children is mean. My 2 year old niece had a nice time at ours and whilst she doesn’t remember it she likes looking at the photos of herself in a princess dress!

Well I think you are totally not BU, I’ve never been to a child free wedding, and I’d be really pissed off if my kids weren’t invited to a family wedding. I think weddings should have kids running around on the dance floor!

Honestly you had a child free wedding when you didn't have kids and now your brothers wants to have them same , you're offended. You haven't a leg to stand on.

Crazycrazylady

God I wish I hadn’t included that it childfree - I was being glib! It was ONLY childfree because NONE OF THE GUESTS HAD CHILDREN!

Can people not fucking read?! 😂🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I can totally see why people don't want any children at any part of their wedding. Some people simply do not have any respect for anyone and think their being parents overrules any manners or that it's cute if their baby or toddler screams or acts out during the service.

They don't want him there. It doesn't matter if you understand or not. I understand.

So don't go. Trying to force them to accommodate a toddler being there is rude.

I chose not to have children at our weddings because at our venue, children ages 2 - 12 cost £60per head (adults £90) - Surrey wedding!

We had a couple of friends who were breastfeeeding who of course we said could bring their babies!

I feel like it sort of acts like my son isn’t a valid member of the family who needs to be included IYSWIM.

But it really doesn't. It just says they want a genuinely child-free wedding. A 2 year old to whom the ceremony will be totally meaningless doesn't need to be included.

I can understand them not wanting children there. I can also understand why you're upset as your son is his nephew. I think you need to decide whether or not you believe that the blame falls with the venue then decide whether or not you want to attend without your son.

I agree with you OP ... It's his nephew at the end of the day! Should be a little pageboy in my eyes. My DPs brother is getting married next year & is not including my children (their only niece and nephew) I think it's totally shitty behaviour but everyone has their own opinions!

Adult only weddings are quite usual, please don't be offended, iamsosad, your son won't feel excluded.

It's possible that the bride has insisted on having no children at her wedding, it is usually the bride and her parents who arrange everything.

Do go, it's a big day in your brother's life.

Sorry but it's another YABU from me. Your two year old want care that he isn't invited. Just get a babysitter and go and have a great time.

BTW We didn't invite our own 2 year old to our own wedding. We left him with the childminder for the day. 😂😂😂 It didn't cross my mind that he should have come.

Two year old are noisy and won't want to sit quietly all day.

Won't not want

My then 2 year old daughter was invited to my sister wedding. It was a nightmare, running around everywhere, restless during dinner etc. I don’t think I would bring a toddler to a wedding again unless there would be a few others there as you don’t really get to enjoy the day

I have zero intention of bringing my two to my brothers wedding when the time comes but I’d be massively offended f he didn’t want them. Hello cake, I’ll eat you now.

I don't understand these threads. Your son will be bored stiff. A 2 year old is not going to give a monkeys that they don't get to go to a boring wedding.

I don't think you need to take it personally, it's a child free wedding, therefore no children.

Your son is the centre of your world. He is not the centre of your brothers, or his fiancé’s. He will not remember “not being a part of it”, he won’t really take any particular joy or pride in the wedding because he is too young to appreciate the meaning of it.

Personally, I wouldn’t find it hurtful because I don’t think children have to be included on everything to be valued members of a family. You say your DB abs DS are close- so judge their relationship by that. Some things are just not great fun with children.

Or, you can decide to boycott the wedding as you feel your child has been slighted.

I think it's easier for a couple to have a 'child free' rule if they exclude all children, otherwise some guests may think 'well it's ok for his DSis to bring her child, but not for me to bring mine', which can lead to bad feeling. I went to a child free one 3 years ago (didn't bother me because my DDs are grown up) and an exception had been made for a couple of close friends and I got vibes that other people were annoyed as theirs had been excluded.

I had a child free wedding except for immediate family. I think it's a shame not to include nieces and nephews and can understand your hurt. I don't know what I would do, perhaps just go for the ceremony or leave after meal. It's a tough one.

I feel like it sort of acts like my son isn’t a valid member of the family who needs to be included IYSWIM.

I attended some weddings as a baby. You know what I feel about having been there?

Diddly fucking squat.

My nephew was my ringbearer at my wedding. It meant a lot to my sister, but I don't expect that he'll give a damn when he's older either.

It really pisses me off when people whine on about their kids being 'part of the occasion', when every single child I've seen at a wedding has been chatting, burbling, or bored, because they don't understand or care that a wedding is happening.

Can people not fucking read?!
That's not very nice op. You've come on a thread to ask for help. Don't insult those that do.

We're having a child free wedding because we don't want children there.

Toddlers are nightmares at weddings, and half the weddings I've been to have been ruined by kids making noise during the ceremony/speeches, and parents not removing them.