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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to brother’s wedding?

73 replies

iamsosad · 27/07/2019 15:29

Usually re childfree weddings I’m like - “up to the bride and groom, but don’t be annoyed if people can’t attend”. If a friend of ours had a childfree wedding it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, and DH and I would juggle who stays home or get childcare and both go.

However, my brother has not invited our son. Apparently it’s the venue but I am not sure if that’s just an excuse, and either way the idea of him not giving a crap about DS attending has really hurt me and I don’t know if I want to go based on that. AIBU? (Probably yes, but just found out and feeling extremely upset. Probably need my head wobbled)

OP posts:
Rainforevermore · 27/07/2019 17:02

So why do you mind so much OP?

Original poster
iamsosad · 27/07/2019 17:20

I am quite surprised by this as previously when I have seen a thread re children at weddings, most posters can’t understand them not being included.

I mind because I can’t really understand why they don’t want my son there. I do understand wanting a childfree wedding with children you aren’t close to, but my son is his nephew and they are very close so I just don’t understand it.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 27/07/2019 17:23

I am quite surprised by this as previously when I have seen a thread re children at weddings, most posters can’t understand them not being included.

Those threads are usually 50:50 at most. Most posters think it’s up to the bride and groom, with a hardcore minority saying they’d boycott any wedding where their little darlings weren’t invited on principle.

Rtmhwales · 27/07/2019 17:24

I don't think this would both me honestly.
I'm very very close to my brother and SIL. They're very close to my DS. I checked that he was invited to their wedding but made it clear it wasn't an issue if he wasn't, just needed to sort the childcare for the day. I can't imagine any scenario that had been deemed child free that I would insist my DS be allowed to attend, family or not.

Rainforevermore · 27/07/2019 17:26

Alcohol - drinking - dancing - speeches - hanging about - church ceremony
There's a lot about a wedding that is of no appeal to a toddler! Successful weddings with children I've been at had special stuff put on for them.

Original poster
iamsosad · 27/07/2019 17:27

Ok - can appreciate that IABU!

OP posts:
Greenolivesorblackolives · 27/07/2019 17:27

I agree with you op.
For me, I wouldn’t particularly want my dd there but it would be more the fact my sibling doesn’t want their niece/ nephew there. It’s hurtful.

MatildaTheCat · 27/07/2019 17:29

No doubt he is fond of your DS but that doesn’t mean they want to risk disruption by a two year old, need to negotiate with other guests who might also have DC and, indeed , spend their wedding day engaging with a toddler no matter how cute.

Just be gracious and get a babysitter for the day and have a blast.

user1511042793 · 27/07/2019 17:30

I would be hurt and I wouldn’t go. You need to decide what to do but if it were me I wouldn’t attend.

LightDrizzle · 27/07/2019 17:37

But your son is two!? He will be bored witless and consequently probably be a bit of a pain, for you if nobody else. He also doesn’t give a shit about going to his uncle’s wedding.
I took my eldest to a wedding at a similar age, she was pretty good except in the church (I took her out and missed most of the ceremony) but I can’t say it was very enjoyable for me or DH, let alone her.
My friend spent the whole of her sister’s fabulous reception party taking it in turns with her DH to take her overwhelmed, knackered and screaming two year old out.
I’ve been to loads of weddings where vows or speeches have been interrupted or inaudible due to people NOT removing their tiny bored children (what’s with the token jiggling stood up at the back people?).
I think there are excellent reasons for not including toddlers. You hopefully want to witness and participate in your brother’s day. Your son doesn’t, because he is two.

Original poster
iamsosad · 27/07/2019 17:39

I completely understand why people wouldn’t want a toddler there - I do! They chose a venue 5 mins from our house though, I’m surprised that they couldn’t let DS comes; even for any of it! Even for 30 mins to be a part of it. I understand not wanting a toddler in general; but I can’t understand not wanting a beloved family member to be any part of it.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 27/07/2019 17:41

I’m surprised that they couldn’t let DS comes; even for any of it! Even for 30 mins to be a part of it.

What do you think he will get out of it?

Terminal5 · 27/07/2019 17:42

I’m surprised that they couldn’t let DS comes; even for any of it! Even for 30 mins to be a part of it.

All wedding ceremonies are open access. They cant prevent him from going to the service/ceremony.

Bourbonbiccy · 27/07/2019 17:46

It seems weird you can understand other people not wanting children at their wedding (which would be their nephews, nieces, cousins etc) but your brother should feel differently.

It doesn't mean he loves him any less.

He may think it would be nice for you to attend child free and be able to relax and have some time out without your son.
He may worry your toddler would cause disruption to the ceremony (as toddlers can) and he would prefer not to have that on his big day.

There are a million reasons it could be, but I definitely wouldn't be falling out and not attending over it, seems pretty childish to me.

Bourbonbiccy · 27/07/2019 17:48

Have you actually spoken to him about it ? ( your brother I mean)

TabbyMumz · 27/07/2019 17:49

Have you thought it could be the bride's choice? Honestly, even if he is the Nephew and he loves him, your son is not the be all and end all. He's a two year old. No one really wants a two yr old at their wedding. Its your brothers wedding it's all about him and the bride, not your son.

Rainforevermore · 27/07/2019 17:51

How many dc might this open the wedding up to? Can't have childfree except for one!

saraclara · 27/07/2019 17:55

I've always assumed that nephews and nieces are exempt from any 'no children' rule at weddings.

bridgetreilly · 27/07/2019 17:55

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. Your son is 2. He won't understand the significance of a wedding, or of not going to a wedding. He won't enjoy the wedding and 2 year olds are the most likely to be disruptive in some way. If your brother has a good relationship with him otherwise, that's much more important than whether your son is there for this event.

Original poster
iamsosad · 27/07/2019 17:56

I've always assumed that nephews and nieces are exempt from any 'no children' rule at weddings

Me too but I accept that this is an unusual view based on the responses here!

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/07/2019 18:02

So nobody who attended your wedding had children?

What do you think a two year old is going to get out of being “part of it?

He won’t even know what’s going on and agree that two year olds are likely to be disruptive in some way.

Teaandchocolatecake · 27/07/2019 18:03

Your son will have no clue, not inviting him has no correlation with not loving him! Your trying to read something into this that likely doesn’t exist, they simply don’t want children at their wedding.

Not uncommon and perfectly understandable.

Original poster
iamsosad · 27/07/2019 18:03

So nobody who attended your wedding had children?

No, literally no one! We were quite young and none of our friends or family were married yet.

OP posts:
Aridane · 27/07/2019 18:07

Your child is 2 they wont feel excluded. It is their decision and it shows they want an adult only wedding not a reflection on their feelings for your child

Exactly!

ConkerGame · 27/07/2019 18:07

Don’t be offended by this OP. It doesn’t mean they don’t love your son it just means they don’t want children there who could, let’s face it, be a big pain on the day. Your son will neither know nor care and probably wouldn’t enjoy it anyway!