Rude to Open Gifts during Party

[Etiquetteworry]

AIBU to think it's rude to open gifts during a party? I've been to two 4 year olds birthday parties recently and at each one the birthday child was made to sit down by their parents and open all the gifts in the middle of the party. At one the mum had a big notebook out writing down who gave what. I found it rude, AIBU? Is this normal party protocol?

When I was a child it would have been the height of rudeness not to open a present. It would have been like you couldn’t be bothered or weren’t interested. When my DC were small - about 10-15 years ago, it was the same. Open the present. Otherwise it’s rude.

When I was a child it would have been the height of rudeness not to open a present. It would have been like you couldn’t be bothered or weren’t interested. When my DC were small - about 10-15 years ago, it was the same. Open the present. Otherwise it’s rude.

This. It is obviously a generational thing as everyone was indeed expected to open their presents in front of the givers at the party in my "day" (1950's, 1960's). I wonder when this idea of not opening presents during the party came in. I remember my mother pursuing me about, asking "Who gave you that?" all the time so she could make a note of who gave what so I could write them a thank you letter that was more personal.

I never realised it was rude to do this. I live in London.

We don't open presents at parties, because I'm busy enough entertaining guests, child would get too excited, I don't want the toys lost or broken before they even come home. It's easier to open in a controlled environment without a hyperactive child. I never realised it would be considered rude though!

I've been to parties where it has happened, and my child has also surreptitiously opened a few presents at a party.

It seems people get offended at a lot of innocuous things nowadays.

I thought opening presents at kids parties was the norm, but I haven’t been to a kids party for about 25 years.

Yes opening them one one one as guests arrive I think would be ok but the 'ceremony' of getting all the kids to sit round and watch seems odd and awkward IMO.

I don't personally like the practice of opening gifts in front of everyone - it puts the recipient in the position of having their reactions observed, which is perhaps the purpose of it, but it's easy to appear ungrateful and the whole thing can be quite stressful. Also, especially at a 4-year-old party, it can tempt others to become envious of the gifts or even try to grab them.

This for me too. And disparity in gift prices, and the potential awkwardness there, is on my mind too.

Having said that DH is Russian and the custom there is to open and admire all gifts. I was a bit bemused at first but I see the good manners in it.

I agree that I would find it more rude just to leave presents that people have bought sitting there. Part of the fun of giving is to see people opening their gifts and their reaction, especially with kids, and it's good to teach children manners to say thank you.

I can understand if it's a huge party as it might take a while, but I'm not a big fan of massive parties anyway for kids.

I also think just taking them away in a big bag to be opened later totally disconnects the child from the givers. It feels a bit icky to me, sort of mercenary.

I know it’s the done thing in the UK to take them home and open them after, but I actually think it’s a bit of an odd custom. In other European countries the done thing is to open gifts at the party. Whatever works for the child/family/type of party I say.

When I was a kid the present opening ceremony was a big part of the event. But I do remember that as a guest, it was tedious. There were games to be played and jelly to be eaten - we were always on pins to get the presents out of the way and hit the dance floor (living room carpet) for some musical bumps.

I'm glad that tradition has died and I wouldn't want to see it resurrected. But sadly with the influx of present-based ceremonies like baby showers creeping in from America, I fear we may have to suffer it coming back into fashion.

i went to a party a few years ago for the schoolfriend of my DD and the child opened gift (not really the done thing in our area but ok). After about 8 gifts I heard some murmurs and clucking going on behind me. Turned round to see 2 (usually impeccably behaved) mums having a pushing/shoving match and bickering. We could hear snippets of "well you should have just said and I could have swapped it for something she wanted". Turns out one mum had regifted and, unknown to her, it was a handmade item that had been ordered and not just a "toys r us off the shelf" job so easily recognisable.

Party mum tried to give the gift back to angry mum but it ended up both mums grabbing their kids and storming out.

Never seen gifts opened at a school-friend party since!

Most kinda opening gifts when read. I think it's rude not to do do and thank the giver personally. With very small children I probably wouldn't just be used lots of gifts would be overwhelming for them. This was normal when my DS was small.

I find it odd that you would find it rude to open gifts in front of the people who gave the gifts? Weird.

I agree with other older posters:
it used to be the custom in Britain too, to open presents as soon as they were given

I don't know when or why this changed

Yabu. My dd just had a party. shes just three. Anyway the guests were invited for two hours and had a great time doing lots of fun things then the last thing i kinda losely had planned was pass the parcel which my dd didnt win on purpose and when i turned around from collecting the paper all the mums, children and my dd had disappeared and ny dd was opening presents with the mums handing her the next present and each child laughing. I was slightly cross as no idea who gave what not that it mattered but looking back it added to the party as it was a birthday. Anyway the mums stayed for another hour. Later my friend told me the present opening happened as one mum had to leave and her dd had chosen a toy for my dd and wanted to see my dd open it

It seems people get offended at a lot of innocuous things nowadays.
Now why didn't I think of that, @hibbledibble?

Yabu. I think it’s weirder to squirrel the presents away in a mealy mouthed way. My kids if it was a good friend put some effort into choosing the present and wanted to see their pal open it but often bossy mum bustled in and vanished all the presents much to the kids dismay

I agree with Whifflesqueak, and also grew up in and still live in Canada. We've always opened gifts at the party, which allows the giver to enjoy the recipient’s reaction, and allows the recipient to offer thanks.

How odd! I was always taught that it's very rude not to open a gift in front of the giver! On the rare occasions when I went to parties as a child, the recipient would always open the gift immediately upon receipt and thank me for it. Similarly, my own children did the same thing.

I went to a children's party recently and was surprised to see that when children arrived with a gift, the parents took it away with a quick "oh thanks" and put it unopened on a table.

As a giver who had carefully chosen a present, I would have been disappointed not to see the recipient open it as soon as I had given it to them.

It seems to me that the giving of gifts at parties is a bit of a box ticking exercise nowadays.

I'm on the spectrum and never knew this was rude until I was chastised as a teenager. Now as an adult i know it's not generally seen as ok. But I still wouldn't freak out of anyone opened gifts at a party.

it used to be the custom in Britain too, to open presents as soon as they were given

I don't know when or why this changed

When parents started inviting the e class plus family to parties and the kids give each other what ever is on offer that week in the toy shop.

Only so many pens sets you can get excited over

I don't think it's rude and we would do that at a family party for my DC because family members want to see the DC open the gift they have bought them. But I think it might be a bit boring for other children invited to a children's party. I don;t think it's rude though. I always note who bought what so the thank you notes can be personal and not generic.

Possibly the parents were trying to kill some time having exhausted the charming party games and food and desperately filling the time until the guests left and they could open the wine?

NB we always opened them after a party.

I wouldn’t dare let mine open at a party, if they ended up with something they already had they’d struggle to smile politely and not saying anything more like “I’ve already got that!” 😂

But steady that's an opportunity to teach your child good manners.

My children always opened their presents at the party. I thought it was the polite thing to do. That was the child who gives them gets to see them opened and is thanked promptly.
My daughters loved choosing presents for people (they still do!) and I always though it was sad if they didn't get to see them opened and be part of the occasion.

It never occurred to me that anyone would think it rude. Personally I think an adult grabbing the wrapped gift from a young child guest and sticking it on a table, unappreciated, is MUCH more rude.