AIBU to have found DH's comment offensive?

[MumGoneCrazy]

DD14 and DD12 asked me about my newish job, I was a SAHM for past 14yrs and now work in retail for a large well known sports company.
I told them about the stuff I do on a daily basis and how I can earn commission on top of my wage and ended it with "so now you know the in's and out's who wants to work at my store?"
DH (who does factory work alongside our DS18) quickly cut in with "I want better for them than factory or shop work" said in a disgusted tone. I told him I found it offensive and that the girls would grow up thinking that if they didn't get a proper career that he deemed acceptable then they wouldn't be good enough or that they'd let him down. He claims I took it the wrong way and twisted his words.

I'd be offended. How could it not be offensive. It's fine to encourage them to aim for 'better' but there are ways to do that without telling them their mum has a shit job that doesnt have to be respected

'Retail work and factory jobs are what people do when they lack the skills or ambition to do better.'

They are characterised by (in part) high repetitiveness and (in general) low autonomy, plus not great pay, with all the limitations of choices that go along with that, plus often a low level of specialisation that makes your career more vulnerable. I think it's fine to want your dc to have more choices and do something that allows them autonomy, progression, variation. What doesn't sit well with me is value judgements along the lines of 'better' or 'worse', especially when those extend to the people doing the jobs, as in the comment cited above.

I profoundly disagree with the idea that contacts should be necessary for getting hired at any stage of life. It’s immoral and a form of cheating. But leaving that aside, how does someone, a senior chartered engineer in their 50s, say, get a new job when their industry is outsourced or being taken over by artificial intelligence? I’m senior in my field but my job is disappearing because of artificial intelligence. I know solicitors who can’t get new jobs. Ageism is rife.

In terms of respect for these jobs, I have great respect for retail workers. Long days on your feet, often dealing with people at their worst, negotiation and organisational skills, etc. Factories I know less about, but am sure it takes a lot of focus to work in that environment.

And daisypond makes a good point re AI. I'm in a niche of my field which isn't being threatened yet nor likely to be for a while, but diversifying just in case.

You're both right. He wants more for his daughters than a minimum wage job. But you're probably in that position because you took on MORE than 50% of the responsibility of raising his two kids.

So unless he's a feminist then his daughters might inadvertently internalise the patriarchy and all of its nuances and end up in the same situation as you.

Not accusing him of being a sexist, but reality for many women is that neither society NOR their partners support them after motherhood, so they end up forced/cornered in to these low paid roles. I'm sure three quarters of the women in these roles could have achieved more if they weren't taking on more than 50% of the caring responsibililities for their children.

Tell your daughters that the number one thing they can do to ensure that they ''do better'' than minimum wage jobs is to choose a partner who is a feminist.

@daisypond ageism is rife yes. SO hard to get back in to the workplace after a break.

be thankful for the 'lower jobs' in life employ millions of people otherwise you won't be buying anything or driving anywhere [no petrol stations], just two examples.
there are only so many careers that we need people for on the employment ladders higher rungs, remove the lower rungs and you're fucked.
if your job earns you a wage, puts a roof over your head, feeds and clothes you that's the basics covered. i was a chamber maid when younger and it helped pay my bills.

I’ve never left the workplace. I worked the whole way through having children but I’m now in my 50s and I don’t know what I can do when I get made redundant. My industry is finished. I’ve got a first class degree from the top university for my subject and a PhD, so it’s not like I’m uneducated. I know loads of people in exactly the same position. So it could easily be retail work for me- if I can get that, which might not be easy.

My mum always encouraged me to strive for whatever I wanted to do but I fell into something that I don't love. I went to uni I did all the right things but when I came out the "career" I wanted didn't really exist anymore. I got a job, working in a bank, from there I have progressed into an office which has better money and better hours but it's still not a"career" I don't think. I work to live, that's ok however because I love what I have out with work and with DS1 on the way I'm quite sure I'll continue to love what I do out with work.

You can't plan your life and you do what you have to, I worked in low paid customer facing roles all through uni and learned a lot from them, it was also thanks to those roles that I wasn't unable to pay my rent when I graduated. I think OPs husbands comment came from the right place but it was put across terribly.

My husband works in a call centre...he is very good at IT but has no formal qualifications, it's a shame as he would really enjoy working in an IT field. However he works hard at work and I'm proud of him.

I have a professional job and a degree.

I hope my two children either go to uni or get qualifications in a trade so that they do well for themselves. Or they travel instead or something! But i would be sad if they had a min wage job and didn't "do" anything if that makes sense? Not that there is anything wrong with that and overall I'd want them to be happy!

So if they were happy I'd be happy but would hate for them to be struggling on.