AIBU to have found DH's comment offensive?

[MumGoneCrazy]

DD14 and DD12 asked me about my newish job, I was a SAHM for past 14yrs and now work in retail for a large well known sports company.
I told them about the stuff I do on a daily basis and how I can earn commission on top of my wage and ended it with "so now you know the in's and out's who wants to work at my store?"
DH (who does factory work alongside our DS18) quickly cut in with "I want better for them than factory or shop work" said in a disgusted tone. I told him I found it offensive and that the girls would grow up thinking that if they didn't get a proper career that he deemed acceptable then they wouldn't be good enough or that they'd let him down. He claims I took it the wrong way and twisted his words.

There's nothing wrong with wanting better for your kids,especially when you're familiar with hard,manual work for little money.

Your job might be all new and shiny and exciting for you, but he's had years in his.

He can be supportive and proud of you,but want better for his kids.

I'm a TA, I don't want DD to be a teacher (even thought that's a step up from me) because I know the realities of what a shit show education is and what some teachers have to put up with.

OH works in construction for quite good money, I wouldn't want that for her either..working outside in a job that puts an enormous strain on your body,accidents happen and you have to work in rain,snow or excessive heat like Thursday.

You need to stop framing it as a reflection on you, and see it as what it is...he doesn't want his daughters in a hard job,on NMW possibly being treated like shit by "the customer is always right" twats.

I agree with him and have done shop work, bar work, call centre work. I want better for my daughter.

One area I think my parents fucked up in is that they never really encouraged me to aspire to more than my my current "station" in life. My mum's reaction when I said I wanted to go to uni in my mid 20's was "what if you fail" (I got a 2:1).

Of course it's fine to tell them that whatever job they want to do will not make them "lesser" but I think it's really important you push them to reach higher.

Retail work and factory jobs are what people do when they lack the skills or ambition to do better.

You're right it takes no skill whatsoever to turn a designers idea into a product...drawing patterns on a computer, using patterns, cutting tools, sewing machines, hand sewing tiny pieces of fabric, etc..God bless the retail staff who use their non-existent skills to sell the products and keep me in a job.
Don't be so dismissive of something you clearly know nothing about.

You're attributing comments to your DH that he never said.

Also, although there are many dead end careers in manufacturing and retail, there are of course careers too. I know people who are factory managers who started out as runners on the factory floor. Same in retail.

Sashkin I was talking about people who stayed in retail for life and I said it wasn't all. And I apologised, I'm really really sorry and well done

MumGoneCrazy
Tbh, I agree with your husband. Retail is for those who don’t have further education or skills to do something better. If you're working at sports direct, there’s no actually skills you need to get the job because they train you. They also pay minimum wage and do zero hours contracts. Why wouldn’t you want something enters for your child?

Yes they train you so that you gain some skills. You can then transfer these skills or use them to climb the ladder.

Not saying I do want that for my kids but I do believe that there are opportunities in any industry or sector for ambitious hard workers with the right attitude. Not in every job of course. But in that type of job.

I don’t think he’s said anything wrong either. Most parents want their children to have good jobs so they can support themselves and have a nice life.

He wants them to aim higher, that’s a good thing surely? I think it’s really important to have that encouragement although they tend to copy their main role models.

I want my DC to earn more and not have to work as hard as me or DH. I'm not being offensive to my DH when I say it (and I'm saying it about my own job too!). I'm not suggesting DC will let us down if aren't that successful. I just want a better life for my DC.

Your DH was just saying the same.

I think YABU

I have worked in a factory, administration, and retail and I would prefer my child to have a career rather than just a job.

But at the end of the day, it is what they want to do.

Retail is for those who don’t have further education or skills to do something better.

Again. Wrong. Ignorant bullshit.

Award for missing the point goes to.... almost everyone on the thread.

OP hasn’t no objection to him wanting better for their daughters! She wants better for them too! (Lol at everyone saying “I want better for my child” really? How surprising )

Her objection is the way he said what he said. His disgusted tone that implied there was something wrong with factory or retail work. His children might very well need to rely on those kinds of jobs at some point or permanently and they shouldn’t feel like they’re failing in life because of it.

I don't think he was being offensive.

Surely, all parents want better for their children than what they, as parents have.

My Dad was a tradesman before retirement and he always used to tell me that he he wanted me to earn a living with my brain rather than my hands.

Retail work and factory jobs are what people do when they lack the skills or ambition to do better

Offensive bollocks.

Maybe for some people it's because they "lack skills or ambition", for others it's because they've been out of the workforce for years and need a way back in, or because the hours work for family life, or they're highly skilled and ambitious immigrants but their English isn't great yet, or maybe they just enjoy it..

My Dad was a tradesman before retirement and he always used to tell me that he he wanted me to earn a living with my brain rather than my hands.

What did you end up doing?

My dad was the same. I now earn a living with my hands getting dirty and sweaty and sore every day. Running my own business. For too long I felt I had let my dad down because I didn’t do “better”.

Let me explain, for those who have trouble understanding my post.

When I said that retail and factory work are what you do when you lack the skills or ambition to do better, I was stating a fact, not a judgment.

If you are studying rocket science but working in tesco to pay for uni, then you have ambition but lack the necessary skills, I.E a degree, to work in your chosen field.

A shop manager/owner has skills and ambition and have specifically chosen to work up to that position.

But if you are minimum wage, shop floor dogs body, or production line box filler, then you are in that position for one of two reasons. Lack of skill or lack of ambition. You might hols that position for a few weeks, months, years. You may go on the be the flippin PM, but at that time, for whatever reason, you are doing that job because of a lack of necessary skills or ambition to do something better.

A medical student can't practice medicine, can't work as a doctor. A qualified doctor wouldn't need to take a job in Tesco.

It's basic logic.

Some people are very easily offended. There's nothing wrong with retail or factory work. I never said there was.

Retail work and factory jobs are what people do when they lack the skills or ambition to do better

It's a common misconception, and I can see why people would think it. Some people I work with do lack skills and ambition. Doesn't mean they don't work bloody hard, and enjoy their job.

I work in retail and have a very very good degree. I choose to work there because the hours are so flexible, it enables me to work at my second, creative, job.

It really isn't just smiling and pressing buttons, you know!

Retail work and factory jobs are what people do when they lack the skills or ambition to do better.

And being offensive about large numbers of working people who prop up our economy is what people do when they lack the skill and intelligence to see the bigger picture.

I’m afraid I think this is fine. My dad is a highly skilled tradesman and made it clear he wanted better for us. It’s hard work, not hugely well paid, very physical and dirty and you can only do it until you’re about 50 due to this. There is little security, and employers treat you badly. Similar to retail- why would anyone want that for their children?

It’s not about putting you down

I agree with your DH. Having done both retail and factory work as a student, as well as waitressing and bar work, they are hard, low lid and largely thankless jobs.

I want better for my D.C. I want them to be able to earn more so their lives are more comfortable and I want them to have jobs that are less physically hard work. If they don’t end up that way then I won’t be disappointed in them as individuals, even if I might be sad that things are harder for them than I’d hoped.

I hope your DD12 is successful in her ambition to be a teacher, and with DD14 I’d be thinking about getting her some experience of more practical roles she might enjoy that involve less academic work. Trades, working outside maybe. Help her find what she enjoys and go from there.

I know loads of people with degrees from top universities who work in retail. Because that’s all that’s available. I know loads of people in professional or managerial jobs who were on good money who lose their jobs in their 40s and 50s and can never get another job at the same level. They too do retail work. Yes , they all have the ambition and skills and intelligence to do something more, but the jobs situation in the country isn’t great.

Zap

Exactly. I said "skills OR ambition". You have the skills, but have decided to do something at minimum wage. Fine.

Sometimes life takes you in unexpected directions. I'm highly qualified in a discipline (high distinction in MA from a top university). I decided that field wasn't for me as I wanted to be my own boss and make decent money. I looked into various graduate schemes and decided I would be bored shitless working in the same field for my entire working life.

I worked a number of call centre/shop jobs, before teaming up with my DP 9 years ago, opening up a tiny shop based around his hobby. He also had a backgournd in 'menial' shop work. We've worked hard and all those years working lowly jobs has given us plenty of valuable insight and undoubtedly the business wouldn't be as successful as it is if we hadn't started 'at the bottom'. By year 12 we're on track to be buying our own commercial premises around the £1mill mark.

I love going to work everyday and not being answerable to anyone and knowing the harder I work the more financial reward we'll see at the end of it. I wouldn't say we're lacking in ambition, quite the opposite in fact.

DAISY

Wrong. Those people you refer to can't get other work in their field because they do actually lack the required skill. If having worked long term in a skilled job, they have failed to make enough contacts/impact in their field, if nobody wants them, then clearly their skills were indeed lacking. It's harsh, but it's reality.

When I said that retail and factory work are what you do when you lack the skills or ambition to do better, I was stating a fact

Except it’s not a fact, so.....