Intervening when another woman is being told to smile

[Goostacean]

Just walking home from my tube commute and mulling over what I should have done differently just now: two guys at London Bridge, one of whom was bothering a lady waiting on the other side of the double doors I was standing by. The classic "smile darling. Why not? Come on. Ah one day you'll smile"- not just harassment, but lazy, unimaginative, stupid (isn't it all?) harassment.

She just kept her eyes to the floor and made little shakes with her head, whilst I listened very closely- was just about to say something when he stopped. I gave him an absolute unflinching stare straight in his eyes when he looked at me, and was DARING him in my head to say something (pregnant, ready to rage at the slightest thing!) but then he walked off.

AIBU to regret not saying something? What should I have said? I spent too long thinking and not enough time not-letting-people-get-away-with-shit.

I’d have been equally unimaginative and would have said “ leave her alone, you Dick”.

He got the message with the glare didn't he

And he left her alone

You did a good thing :)

I like to think I'd have just walked up to her and started talking to her - ignored them completely, but tried to distract her. If I was really brave, I'd have pretended to be an old friend she hadn't seen in ages.

It’s a hard one isn’t it! It’s sounds like your glare was enough to stop him, but for all that I know it’s sometimes safer to say nothing, I’m about like you were, and I’d want to say something!

I remember walking to work one day, really exhausted, worried about an observation I was having that day etc. I walked past a construction type bloke who yelled “smile darling, come on your face wont crack, give us a smile!” And I just stopped and yelled back “Why?!” and it came out quite growly and demonic. He kind of laughed and said fair enough, so maybe that’s one way to make it stop?

You did a good thing. There are some really nasty idiots out there and those men were two examples.

I have a straight guy friend who starts obscenely flirting with any guy he sees harrassing a woman.

I have a straight guy friend who starts obscenely flirting with any guy he sees harrassing a woman

Is he single? I love him.😍

Retort for the “smile baby” men

“Earn more/be better in bed/ have a bigger dick, go on! You know you want to. Why won’t you earn more/be better in bed/grow a bigger dick?”

@thecatsthecats Love that! Hope he doesn't end up getting beat up because of it one day. You know what these macho types can be like about that sort of thing!

This happens to me on a fairly regular basis as I have what I would term a resting bitch face (even when I'm perfectly happy but happen to not be engaged in any form of conversation/interaction) . I tend to respond with the most over the top demented smile I can muster, soon shuts people (always men) up

Oh I hate people who tell me to smile. I used to get it all the time when I was a retail assistant and I never had anything imaginative to say back, but I do believe a look can say a thousand words, so by the sounds of it you said all you needed to

Good for you!

I have a straight guy friend who starts obscenely flirting with any guy he sees harrassing a woman

^^
He sounds fab!

I think you did fine OP. The glare obviously.made him think.

Granted the woman isn't to know that but as the problem is the bloke perhaps you were right to make him your focus.

Funny how these twats never say 'cheer up' and 'SMILE THEN' to other men isn't it?

Good for you for (sort of) intervening.

m.facebook.com/notes/man-who-has-it-all/man-who-has-it-all-is-a-satirical-page-that-exposes-the-absurdity-of-the-patriar/1403005863151734/

This on being commanded to smile is pretty funny

Get that often

Once somebody said "Smile love, might never happen"

Looked at him and said "it already has, my Nan died last week"

Soon shut the gormless twat up (it was also the truth).

Eh thanks for the support but I really feel I under-reacted. I gave the woman a "wtf? Idiots everywhere" look, with an accompanying hand gesture, afterwards- but it felt like too little, too late.

I'm not scared of standing up to people (nearly started a fight with a woman who tried to overtake the entire queue for entry to the tube a few months ago 😂 I've got a strong sense of justice!) but just knowing what to say in the moment can be hard!

I had an old man tell me to “cheer up, love, it might never happen” a few days after my dad died, while we were on the way to the florist to choose the flowers for the funeral.
I turned around to lay into him and still wish I’d said something but my sisters and mom pulled me away.
He would probably have been mortified if he’d realised but people are thoughtless. I do think, however, that a man badgering a woman to smile (it’s never the other way round) goes beyond teasing and is actually bullying. I think a glare was ok as he’d let it drop in this case, but if he’d continued then it’s reasonable to tell him to leave her alone. And if that doesn’t work, then lay into him by all means.

Eh thanks for the support but I really feel I under-reacted. I gave the woman a "wtf? Idiots everywhere" look, with an accompanying hand gesture, afterwards- but it felt like too little, too late.

I think what you did do will have helped. I was threatened on the tube once by a woman who screamed at me for slightly knocking her as I got on the tube, and although no one stepped in to stop her, several people did catch my eye and give me sympathetic smiles, and it really helped.

I'm sure it helped OP. Good on you for giving them a hard stare.

I once had an idiot of a man say "nice legs what time do they open" I replied with "they're closed for a private party" Its the quickest come back I've ever done and his face was a picture.

i think its good what you did. You let him know he was a twat, but you didnt escalate a situation either

Above 100%. You have to be so careful nowadays not to escalate situations.
I also think chatting to the woman and blocking their view whilst ignoring them completely is a good action.