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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to take someone else's child to school?

65 replies

Motherofatruck · 26/07/2019 13:53

A bit of background:
My child started school last September. My job at the time enabled me to walk him to school each morning and drop off at the usual time. After a few weeks, one of the mums approached me to ask a favour. Her work situation was changing and she wondered if I'd be able to pick her son up and take him to school a couple of times a week. She made it clear that I could say no and didn't pressure me at all. We walk past the road they live on, so it's a small detour. After thinking on it, I agreed to do it as it would save them the money for breakfast club and I really didn't mind helping out. I took him in four days a week (the other day wasn't convenient for me).
I get on well with the other mum. We talk a fair bit, and she's been aware that I was looking at a change of career. I've worked hard this past year and gained qualifications to support a career change. Back in June, I managed to secure a job which starts in September. I told other mum straight away and made her aware that my son would be going to breakfast club every day so she would need to make other arrangements for her child to get to school.
She didn't say much at the time, but recently she approached me to ask if I could pick their child up and take them to breakfast club when I take my child. I felt a bit 'on the spot' so didn't give a definite answer. Like last time, she's not pressuring me for an answer but I can't help feeling like this time the request is a bit cheeky.

For context, when I was picking her child up she was often still home or only just left for work. Me picking the child up meant she could be on the way to work 15/20 mins earlier but she doesn't need to leave too early in the morning. Throughout the school year she has started working from home a couple of days a week but I was never aware of which days she would be doing this. She would sometimes join us for the walk to school on these days. Sometimes I would be waiting a while for someone to come to the door and it was clear that the child had only just woken up and got dressed. Quite regularly the child would be eating biscuits on the way to school because they'd not had time for breakfast. Obviously, breakfast is not an issue from September as they will get fed at school but I'm concerned that the child will not be ready/awake and even if they are I would need to leave 5 mins earlier than if I was just taking my own child.
I feel a bit petty as 5 mins isn't all that much, but at the same time my mornings are already going to be very busy to ensure that myself and my child are ready to leave the house an hour earlier than we currently leave.
I'm also struggling to understand why she cant take her own child. She basically said that it would be a mad rush for her to get herself ready for work and the child ready and dropped off for breakfast club. But if she dropped the child off the same time as I'm taking mine she'd have another hour at home to get ready afterwards before the time she leaves for work... Or she could drop the child off a bit later. They don't have to be at breakfast club at a specific time.
While it hasn't been a huge pain to take her child into school, I hadn't expected to continue doing it for an indefinite length of time. There have also been those mornings when the children squabble or mess around on the way to school and I was looking forward to not dealing with that from September...

So WIBU to say no? Im not sure if I'm just unreasonably irked with her talking about how manic her morning would be, when I will have an equally manic start to the day and she's happy to add an extra job for me to do Hmm

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 26/07/2019 13:56

Send her a message and say "Thought I'd let you know that I won't be able to pick up Tommy any longer."

Nothing else.

She's a cheeky fucker!

userabcname · 26/07/2019 13:56

I'd say no. Say it's an added job, it'll be too much for your morning routine and I'd also mention the boys squabbling / messing around making it extra stressful. You've given her plenty of notice so I wouldn't feel bad saying no.

BoronationStreet · 26/07/2019 13:57

CF ALERT! Definitely tell her no and think no more about it.

Gizlotsmum · 26/07/2019 13:58

Totally fine to say no and perfect time to do it. Just use her line back at her, it will be too rushed in the mornings..

Motherofatruck · 26/07/2019 13:58

Just to add (to an already long post- sorry!) a few weeks ago she offered for me to drop my child off at hers a couple of days a week and she would take them in. I thanked her, but declined the offer as I didn't want the last minute panic of sorting out last minute breakfast club if her child was unwell. It seems a bit odd to go from that offer, to her suddenly wanting me to to take her child to school every day Confused

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 26/07/2019 13:58

Send her a message and say "Thought I'd let you know that I won't be able to pick up Tommy any longer."

That's what I'd do too.

user1493413286 · 26/07/2019 13:59

I would say you don’t have time; at 8am when you’ve got to get yourself and your DC ready 5 minutes is quite precious and if they are running late and it makes you late for work then it’s not fair.
It also seems odd that she wasn’t taking her DC to school when she was available to.

Wellmet · 26/07/2019 14:00

I'd just say that you're going to be too pushed for time now as you need to be out earlier.

Not fair for you to rush just so she doesn't have to!

Ratbagcatbag · 26/07/2019 14:00

I'd simply say with the change of jobs and timings in the morning you won't be able to take him to breakfast club.

herculepoirot2 · 26/07/2019 14:01

Mornings are stressful for everyone. It’s not really fair for her to ask this if you. I would say no, using the polite reply above.

Settlersofcatan · 26/07/2019 14:02

I would definitely use her own language - you know what it's like, such a mad rush in the mornings, it's just not working for us any more.

SudowoodoVoodoo · 26/07/2019 14:02

Don't take them. You don't need the additional layer of unpredictability on your way to work. You've done a favour for a year which is more than enough. Breakfast club is more flexible on drop-offs than a specific school drop off time.

I say this as someone who drops off another child. They arrive fully ready other than breakfast which my DCs need too, long before I need to leave the house, so causes no delay or diversion. It's also for good friends with a long history of good mutual exchange of favours.

Greyscreendream · 26/07/2019 14:02

That is cheeky. I’d say no, it’s not convenient as you’ll also be in a mad rush getting your own child to breakfast club and to work on time!

Plus, I imagine it would be nice to have that one to one time with your own child in the morning and don’t see why you should both have to compromise on that forever more.

Russell19 · 26/07/2019 14:03

Can you say to her that you can take in 2 days a week if she can do the other 2? But that doesn't mean you drop your child at hers, she can come to your door like you have for a year.

CallMeRachel · 26/07/2019 14:04

It seems whenever a favour is done for people they take advantage even more.

The bottom line is, it inconveniences you and you don't want to do it so you are absolutely not being unreasonable is saying no.

Put yourself first, always.

Good luck in your new job

GruciusMalfoy · 26/07/2019 14:04

Say no, she's already shown she'll take advantage of the arrangement, so I don't think you should feel you need to help her out anymore.

BlueBuilding · 26/07/2019 14:04

Just say no, she's taking the piss out of you.
She can take her own child to school, it's just easier to have you do it.

YouJustDoYou · 26/07/2019 14:07

Just send her the same sort of message "I'm sorry, it would be too rushed for me to pick him up as well".

Jojobythesea · 26/07/2019 14:07

No way. I don't mind helping out for one offs but I've always stayed away from regular set ups because so many people are like this, thinking their lives are so much more hectic than yours. Just say, "sorry, I won't be able to do it anymore." Maybe also ---- No problem for the last year tho so at least that's helped you out up until now 😁🙄don't explain yourself either.

Pipandmum · 26/07/2019 14:07

Surely if it’s a rush for her it’s the same rush for you? She just needs to get up earlier. Just say no it won’t work for you next year.
I once said yes to taking a child to school as mother didn’t drive (school a good 20 minute drive away) and father was off to work a lot earlier and there wasn’t room on the private bus every day (I didn’t know them at all I think the teacher pointed me out knowing we lived in same town). Only after saying yes did I realise they lived on the other side of town further away from school so it did add a chunk of time because of traffic, but hey happy to help. After doing it most of the year they were leaving the school and presented my kids with overly generous gift certificates to Hamleys! They were very grateful and realised I had gone out of my way most days. I hope the other mum in your case has at least given you some flowers for helping out.

Topseyt · 26/07/2019 14:08

She should be taking her own child to school most of the time, surely.

Just tell her that as from September you will be unable to take her child. Your circumstances are changing and it just won't work for you.

Don't elaborate, don't say anything like maybe sometime in the future. Just say you can no longer do it and leave it at that.

NoSauce · 26/07/2019 14:09

If you don’t want to just say no!

Motherofatruck · 26/07/2019 14:10

Wow! Thank you all for your speedy responses. I very nearly convinced myself that I would be mean to say no. But I know the mornings will be more rushed and stressful already, especially for the first few weeks as we're getting into a new routine. My partner is a bit cynical and has already said "I wonder how often she'll ask you out for drinks when you're no longer taking X to school". I will say no, and hope that we can maintain a friendship.

OP posts:
Motherofatruck · 26/07/2019 14:12

@Russell19 that would be a good compromise but we live in the opposite direction of the school. It is a 20 minute walk from mine to school (25 if I'm stopping to pick up extra child). They are 5 mins from school.

OP posts:
1CantPickAName · 26/07/2019 14:15

I would just message and say ‘sorry, I’m not able to take xxx to breakfast club in September’.

You were great in helping out when she needed it, saving her the breakfast club money, and now you can’t help out anymore, simple as that.

There is no reason that she can’t walk her own child to school, it would just be more convenient for HER if you did. Tough for her! Do not be guilted into it, as pp said, use her own logic on her ‘it’ll be a hassle/rush getting * to breakfast club.’ She still let you walk her child to school when she was off or working from home, very cheeky and inconsiderate.