Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to take someone else's child to school?

65 replies

Motherofatruck · 26/07/2019 13:53

A bit of background:
My child started school last September. My job at the time enabled me to walk him to school each morning and drop off at the usual time. After a few weeks, one of the mums approached me to ask a favour. Her work situation was changing and she wondered if I'd be able to pick her son up and take him to school a couple of times a week. She made it clear that I could say no and didn't pressure me at all. We walk past the road they live on, so it's a small detour. After thinking on it, I agreed to do it as it would save them the money for breakfast club and I really didn't mind helping out. I took him in four days a week (the other day wasn't convenient for me).
I get on well with the other mum. We talk a fair bit, and she's been aware that I was looking at a change of career. I've worked hard this past year and gained qualifications to support a career change. Back in June, I managed to secure a job which starts in September. I told other mum straight away and made her aware that my son would be going to breakfast club every day so she would need to make other arrangements for her child to get to school.
She didn't say much at the time, but recently she approached me to ask if I could pick their child up and take them to breakfast club when I take my child. I felt a bit 'on the spot' so didn't give a definite answer. Like last time, she's not pressuring me for an answer but I can't help feeling like this time the request is a bit cheeky.

For context, when I was picking her child up she was often still home or only just left for work. Me picking the child up meant she could be on the way to work 15/20 mins earlier but she doesn't need to leave too early in the morning. Throughout the school year she has started working from home a couple of days a week but I was never aware of which days she would be doing this. She would sometimes join us for the walk to school on these days. Sometimes I would be waiting a while for someone to come to the door and it was clear that the child had only just woken up and got dressed. Quite regularly the child would be eating biscuits on the way to school because they'd not had time for breakfast. Obviously, breakfast is not an issue from September as they will get fed at school but I'm concerned that the child will not be ready/awake and even if they are I would need to leave 5 mins earlier than if I was just taking my own child.
I feel a bit petty as 5 mins isn't all that much, but at the same time my mornings are already going to be very busy to ensure that myself and my child are ready to leave the house an hour earlier than we currently leave.
I'm also struggling to understand why she cant take her own child. She basically said that it would be a mad rush for her to get herself ready for work and the child ready and dropped off for breakfast club. But if she dropped the child off the same time as I'm taking mine she'd have another hour at home to get ready afterwards before the time she leaves for work... Or she could drop the child off a bit later. They don't have to be at breakfast club at a specific time.
While it hasn't been a huge pain to take her child into school, I hadn't expected to continue doing it for an indefinite length of time. There have also been those mornings when the children squabble or mess around on the way to school and I was looking forward to not dealing with that from September...

So WIBU to say no? Im not sure if I'm just unreasonably irked with her talking about how manic her morning would be, when I will have an equally manic start to the day and she's happy to add an extra job for me to do Hmm

OP posts:
SavingSpaces2019 · 26/07/2019 14:15

she only 'offered' because she knew your situation was changing and it might affect her - it was to keep you sweet.
In reality she wouldn't have stuck to it.

She basically said that it would be a mad rush for her to get herself ready for work and the child ready and dropped off for breakfast club
You do all this....and a pit stop to pick up her child!
She's blatantly taking the piss and has been for ages.

Don't waste energy on trying to figure out her options, feeling bad for her or explaining anything.
Just tell her it doesn't work for you anymore so you will not be doing it.

wibbletooth · 26/07/2019 14:16

I reckon she made the offer gambling that you wouldn’t accept for the reasons you’ve outlined so that she can ‘legitimately’ ask you to take her child every day and justify it to herself as ok because she had already volunteered to take your dc which is like actively doing that for half the time anyway. Well only if you’re a cf!

Topseyt · 26/07/2019 14:28

I don't think that offering to take them in two days a week if she does the other two is really the way to go with someone who has shown themselves to be a cheeky fucker and willing to take advantage of the situation. So no, don't do that.

Keep it simple and just say you can no longer continue with the arrangement.

It sounds like she is not particularly organised in the mornings if she cannot walk her own child 5 minutes to get to school. She could easily cause you to be late and that could fuck things up for your new job. You don't want to risk that, so don't. You take your child, she takes hers. Life will be simpler that way.

snowgirl1 · 26/07/2019 14:30

"She basically said it would be a mad rush for her to get herself ready for work and the child ready and dropped off for breakfast club"...and yet she's only got a 5 min walk to school and you've got a 20 - 25 min walk to school? How does she not think you're also gonig to be in a mad rush? She is a CF.

I'd just say sorry, it will be too rushed for you now that you have to be there earlier.

Derbee · 26/07/2019 14:36

Just text her “Hi CF, I’ve been thinking about how I can make a new arrangement work, but I’m afraid I can’t. Happy to have been able to help you out for this year, but from September, you will need to make your own arrangements for breakfast club. Have a good summer”

DO NOT offer a compromise of 2 days a week - with people like this it is guaranteed to slowly slide towards more and more and before you know it the lines are blurred and you’re doing it all again!

Make a clean break, and make her look after her own kids

Motherofatruck · 26/07/2019 14:39

I sent:
"I just wanted you to know that I have thought about it, but I won't be able to take X to school any more. My mornings are going to be so busy and stressful as it is... I'm sure you understand!"

OP posts:
NorthEndGal · 26/07/2019 14:42

That sounds like a good response, hopefully she is decent, and says thanks for all you have already done, and no worries

SagAloojah · 26/07/2019 14:46

YANBU, glad you said no.

Drum2018 · 26/07/2019 15:02

Perfect response.

KUGA · 26/07/2019 15:15

Say no,seems to me she is used to having her own way.
Your time is just as important as hers.
But you seem far more organised than she is.
You can say yes a million times,yet the first time you say no your an ass.
Been there and got the tee shirt,
The more you give,the more they let you.

Juells · 26/07/2019 15:15

I don't understand why anyone is suggesting that the OP provide reasons. I wouldn't do that - my experience has been that when you provide reasons, CFs 'problem-solve' for you. She'll start offering to have the child waiting at the end of the road so you're not delayed, and that will last a week, then back to banging on their door and waiting around.

You've given her plenty of noticed, and she's let you know that her time is more precious than yours. "I won't be collecting Tommy in the mornings, as it doesn't suit". End of discussion.

LL83 · 26/07/2019 15:24

Good response OP.

I would have helped if she needed it, but that is not the case she would like the extra time to get ready!!! So cheeky.

ittakes2 · 26/07/2019 15:24

She is cheeky - how do you feel about sharing? ie she does some days and you do other days? See what she says to that?

Branleuse · 26/07/2019 15:25

good response

Peanutbuttericecream · 26/07/2019 15:41

No. This is a complete sentence.

Honeyroar · 26/07/2019 15:43

Perfectly put. If she's a real friend she should understand.

KarmaStar · 26/07/2019 15:44

Absolutely say no!
She is taking advantage of you as you know.
A simple message"Sarah my new itinerary has changed on a permanent basis and free childcare for John is no longer available "
Good luck in your new career!🌸

sausage1968 · 26/07/2019 15:46

just wondering...who was looking after the child at home on the mornings she had already left for work...

IvanaPee · 26/07/2019 15:52

Perfect response. Not unnecessarily rude and no wiggle room for CF to start offering suggestions!

user1494055864 · 26/07/2019 15:53

Good response, don't back down now.

gottagetbetter7 · 26/07/2019 16:04

Great response, and you will know from how she replies if she is actually a friend or a CF. But whatever you do stick to your guns, you have done the hardest bit.

Antigonads · 26/07/2019 16:05

You have been extremely accommodating. The first time I was left waiting for the door to open for any length of time would have been the last time I would have done it.

Cosentyx · 26/07/2019 16:06

Good response! She's a total CF! FFS, everyone struggles getting ready in the morning with young children, but to be so entitled as she is, that's ridiculous!

Orangecake123 · 26/07/2019 16:13

OP please also read the book the subtle art of not giving a f*uk. It was such a game changer for me.

Delatron · 26/07/2019 16:14

She’s a piss taker. She has taken advantage of your kind nature. Can’t believe she let you carry on taking her kid to school when she was working from home.

Well done on ending her CF ways. Don’t engage with her again. You’ll no doubt be getting lots of last minute texts to help out. Just keep saying ‘no that doesn’t work for us’ Repeat and repeat.