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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Annoyed/Angry at DH - do I have a leg to stand on?

95 replies

monalistic · 26/07/2019 00:02

Just got my period today, so I'm in a lot of pain. I've also been having terrible PMS during this heat which has undoubtedly made me incredibly irritable and a bit sleep deprived (I've done my best to contain myself).

Dh and I agreed earlier this evening that he would walk the dog and go to Tesco whilst I did a quick tidy up. I'm not that hungry so asked DH to bring back a Solero and a cold diet coke can.

I'm angry because DH bought back a mulipack of Magnum MILK chocolates (give me horrible flashbacks of choc ices) and a MINI diet coke can. He then proceeded to cook a god awful dinner (purposefully missing out the best element) and wasted the expensive ingredient.

I've decided to sleep in the spare room as I need some space. Dh has accused me of being a childish brat. I probably am.

AIBU?

OP posts:

IsobelRae23 · 26/07/2019 12:56

Thank God for that!

DecomposingComposers · 26/07/2019 12:58

The shop thing is one of my biggest bugbear as I have never met a man who does the obviously correct thing : take your phone with you and ring if there is a problem

And then you'd see a thread on here from a wife moaning that her DH can't manage the weekly shop without 20 phone calls home to ask what he should get because X isn't in stock. Cue all the "FFS, women are just meant to get on with it" or "yep, more wife work for us to do. Even when it's not our job it's still our job" type comments.

He couldn't get what Op wanted so used his initiative and bought a substitution but that's wrong too.

Original poster

monalistic · 26/07/2019 13:01

I had (politely) told dh not to get me anything but the Solero. I even sent him a photo of the packaging.

OP posts:

mrsmuddlepies · 26/07/2019 13:19

How come if a woman ever ( and no body would entertain it on here) does something for in laws , it is wife work. If a man sorts out his in laws cars, it is expected because he is a man!

mrsmuddlepies · 26/07/2019 13:21

Our local supermarkets ran out of all ice creams yesterday and the day before. It has been hot you know.

DecomposingComposers · 26/07/2019 13:26

I had (politely) told dh not to get me anything but the Solero. I even sent him a photo of the packaging.

So what was the problem then? You asked for solero, and only solero, he couldn't get them but got magnums instead.

So you were no worse off than if he'd done as you asked and got nothing if he couldn't get solero, were you?

You didn't have to eat the magnum if you didn't want it.

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 26/07/2019 13:29

I get where you're coming from, so while you were a bit unreasonable hopefully your DH understands why.

My DH disappears and comes back with a huge bar of chocolate if I get uncharacteristically stroppy as he knows the cause by now.

GrabbyGertie · 26/07/2019 13:34

I know that periods can make you feel irritable but I still think it's terrible to use PMS as an excuse for bad behaviour.

When I feel bad tempered due to my hormones it should only be my issue. I might tell my husband I was feeling crabby but I wouldn't dream of expecting him to be the brunt of my crabbyness. Iyswim

haloumi · 26/07/2019 13:37

You need help.

YABVU

Hopoindown31 · 26/07/2019 13:40

People get cross. You've made up. Put it behind you and try to be a bit more understanding next time given that there were no soleros and I presume he wasn't holding you at gunpoint force feeding you a magnum.

mrsmuddlepies · 26/07/2019 13:40

I had a mother who took all her anger about anything or anyone who crossed her, on my dad. It was not nice to witness as a child and nowadays it would be seen as domestic abuse.
Don't become that mother.

Hopoindown31 · 26/07/2019 13:42

@DecomposingComposers

There have been threads on aibu about this exact thing all also conveniently missing out that said man who used initiative will be bollocked of his choice was wrong.

mrsmuddlepies · 26/07/2019 13:46

What about her husband fixing his MIL's car. Can you imagine the anger on here if a wife was asked to do something for her in laws?

sasparilla1 · 26/07/2019 13:50

YWNBU. Definitely not in my book.I also share your choc ice horror.

I'm hot, hormonal and unreasonable today.... perimenopausal. The weather may be cooler, but my hot flushes aren't.

Dh's van is in the garage for the next few days, and I have a stupid tiny courtesy car as he needs my big 4wd to work out of. I am irrationally furious about this!! I had this stupid courtesy car for over week a couple of weeks ago when they couldn't get something right on mine. I can't get both kids and a weeks shopping in it....

And yes, I know I'm miserable, spoilt and irrational.

DecomposingComposers · 26/07/2019 13:50

@Hopoindown31

Exactly. This was a no win situation for the husband here. Told to get soleros or nothing. No soleros available so he buys something else and gets bawled out about it but the op is no worse off than if he did what she said and bought nothing (unless he force fed her the magnums of course!!!!)

This has echoes of another thread - poster complaining that her husband kept her waiting for 8 minutes at the station for a lift, because he was hoovering the car for fear of being told off if he didn't do it. Pp was claiming she is not speaking to DH now and her weekend is ruined because she had to wait for 8 minutes for a lift. So DH was wrong for keeping her waiting but also would have been wrong had he abandoned the hoovering in order to pick her up on time!

mrsmuddlepies · 26/07/2019 14:06

If a husband sulks it is LTB but if the wife sulks it is fine because the MN mantra is Happy wife, Happy life and woe betide the husband who makes a mistake.

Hopoindown31 · 26/07/2019 14:09

Luckily it seems most posters on MN do call this out.

I post on a number of forums with much better gender balance than MN and there are plenty of men who describe being in abusive relationships with women. We can get a bit of a skewed view on MN which is why I think some people are overly sympathetic to female posters who are behaving badly.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 26/07/2019 14:18

OP YABU. Everyone knows Magnums are the best ice lollies out there.

End of discussion

BarbedBloom · 26/07/2019 14:24

I went to the shops yesterday and there were no ice creams or lollies at all and very few cans of cold drink either. The local shop was also sold out of both. YABU

YesItsMeIDontCare · 26/07/2019 14:52

as I have never met a man who does the obviously correct thing : take your phone with you and ring if there is a problem

I've trained DS to do this, I'm hoping by the time he leaves home he'll have a good idea of what isn't and isn't acceptable alternatives in different situations!

I have endometriosis too OP so I had a Mirena Coil put in. Seriously the BEST thing I ever did. I've gone from being in bed 2 days a month to a bit of cramping that paracetamol and ibuprofen can deal with every few months. And very little bleeding.

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