Splitting of uniform costs

[MrsCollinssettled]

DD starts new school in September (state but blazer, skirt, PE tops/bottoms are only available through local specialist shop). Exh and xILs have considerable form for promising to buy things and failing to deliver. Additionally they are no longer local.

I costed up everything that was going to be needed, plus stationery, school bag, shoes, trainers etc. The items from the specialist shop came to about 55% of the total. I agreed with xh that I would buy local stuff and he would be responsible for the rest as it was generic. Gave him the list of what he was getting on an access visit and then discovered that he'd "forgotten it". Emailed the list to him and told dd who was buying what.

XMIL has now been in touch to say that she doesn't know what to buy and could she just send a cheque. The list is very clear e.g. black opaque tights, plain white school shirts long sleeved, plain black shoes etc. I stuck to my guns and said that all she needed to do was take the list to say M&S/Tesco and a sports shop and they would be able to help. She kept trying to say that she wanted me to get it as it would all be my fault if she got the wrong thing. I kept reminding her that it was up to her son to ensure that his daughter had the right stuff, especially as his friend's would have children needing similar stuff so they could help.

WIBU to insist that they bought the non school specific stuff?

I think you should have just taken the cash and then you would be able to buy the clothes. At this rate she will end up with nothing to wear

xMil obviously wants to help but rightly apprehensive about getting 'wrong stuff', take the money and get items yourself.

It’s not a grandmother’s place to buy school uniform that’s a parental job. I agree that DH should step up but if he doesn’t live near by then it’s more difficult.

I think you should gratefully take the cheque from ex MIL.

Why not just take the cheque and you can then choose everything you need.

I think she is being good to offer you a cheque for the items. Not many ex MIL's would do so.

I think they should take DD to the shops and buy what she needs. It’s not difficult.

You aren’t asking for the moon.

They expect you to do it when as two grown ups they are equally capable.

AND M&S have a good returns policy

Just take the cheque and do it yourself. It will save you time and hassle when inevitably they get something wrong

I'd take the cheque too.

YWBVU. Be grateful she’s happy to contribute. It’s not her job to get your ex to do his bit either. Why on Earth would it be? You had a child with him, none of this is her problem. If you choose to be awkward you might find she withdraws the offer of the cheque. You’ve got 6 weeks to buy stuff!

And if something is wrong what then? How would you exchange? Easier altogether if you just add it on when you go shopping once you have the cheque

This is about your daughter. I get you are pissed off with them but there is a child who needs uniform and yes - you could take the cheque and order online.

I appreciate you shouldn't have to but if your MIL is sending a cheque then at least they have paid.

I'd much rather have the money, then I could have complete control and make sure I'd bought all the correct items of a good quality and that she had it all in time for school starting.

YABU. You’re lucky to even get extra towards the uniform, many Mother’s do not.

She offered the cash, you’re deliberately being obtuse.

As they aren’t local I’d take the cheque and go shopping with dd. She’s probably worried she’ll get the wrong size. Especially with pe tops and things.

How did it work when you dd was in primary?

You’re being too firm on this. Besides shoes etc should be tried on.

I understand why you want him to engage but you can’t force it and at this rate your DD will miss out. If I was your MIL I’d not want to buy clothes and shoes for a child who wasn’t with me to try them on or confirm they are correct.

Take the cheque and let go of the insistence.

Just take the cheque and buy the items yourself. I don't get what the issue is. Be grateful!

I’d 100% rather have a cheque and sort it myself.

You're being hardwork op just take the cheque and get the stuff.

I don't see your reasons for not taking the cheque. Better than having xMIL purchase the wrong items and delay further.

Yes they should make the effort. But In the circumstances I just take the cheque and do an M&S order ASAP.

I would have just taken the money.
Although the other parent should be able to do this easily, I don’t think my DP would find it that easy even though he lives with us and knows the size of DD.
Bonus if you get it from somwhere that has a points scheme (like Tesco) because you’ll get extra clubcard points

Your exMIL has zero responsibility to buy or pay for your DDs uniform. She's being very generous to even offer payment.

Your gripe should be with your exH. Take it up with him and leave exMIL out of it.

YANBU but i do think this is a case of "choose your battles". I would take the cheque and get what is needed myself. I can just imagine the hassle of wrong sizes, the quality not being what i would choose etcetc.
Yes xh should be able to do it himself, but let's face it, 20 mins in M&S is easier than endless texts and phonecalls about what he should get.

I'd love to get half the cost of uniforms from my ex or his family. I'd happily buy it if they paid for it. Sadly, that won't be happening. YABU

In order to get 50% of my kids school stuff paid for I have to provide vouched receipts/receipts in order to get the money at the end of August, then provide receipts to Ex to prove its been purchased... take the cheque!!

Of course he should be able to do it, its not rocket science, but pick your battles.

I agree with others. You are being hard work and she is right.
What if she gets the wrong version of the stuff on your list. You'll be pissed off.
Take the money and buy the stuff.

My DH and I are together but if I give him a list I get versions of what I want. It's not worth the hassle.