Splitting of uniform costs

[MrsCollinssettled]

DD starts new school in September (state but blazer, skirt, PE tops/bottoms are only available through local specialist shop). Exh and xILs have considerable form for promising to buy things and failing to deliver. Additionally they are no longer local.

I costed up everything that was going to be needed, plus stationery, school bag, shoes, trainers etc. The items from the specialist shop came to about 55% of the total. I agreed with xh that I would buy local stuff and he would be responsible for the rest as it was generic. Gave him the list of what he was getting on an access visit and then discovered that he'd "forgotten it". Emailed the list to him and told dd who was buying what.

XMIL has now been in touch to say that she doesn't know what to buy and could she just send a cheque. The list is very clear e.g. black opaque tights, plain white school shirts long sleeved, plain black shoes etc. I stuck to my guns and said that all she needed to do was take the list to say M&S/Tesco and a sports shop and they would be able to help. She kept trying to say that she wanted me to get it as it would all be my fault if she got the wrong thing. I kept reminding her that it was up to her son to ensure that his daughter had the right stuff, especially as his friend's would have children needing similar stuff so they could help.

WIBU to insist that they bought the non school specific stuff?

I’m with you on this.

It’s not just the money. I’m sure DD and MIL could spend a nice afternoon shopping.

You aren’t asking for the moon in a stick with jam on top.

It’s called parenting.

Can you not just say "If you're willing to do a bank transfer today, I'm happy to help you out. If the money's not in my account by tonight then you'll have to take DD yourself"

rtmhwales that is a possibility and then just wait to see if anything actually gets bought. I must admit I'm starting to think in terms of just getting it all and sucking up the cost myself somehow.

@Rtmhwales Given the history of non payment in the past your idea is probably the best. That way you get what you want and the money to do it with.

I've suggested the bank transfer. Will see what happens.

YABU sorry. She's not refusing to help. She's offered you money so you can shop instead as she's obviously very bothered over not getting the correct things. You're making things difficult not the other way around.

I’d take the cheque and be glad of it! I think my ex bought maybe one pair of shoes in the whole time our ds was at school.. Many men would say that they pay maintenance for this stuff, so why should they then pay or buy more (not arguing the rights or wrongs of that, and obviously I don’t know if your ex pays cm). Plus most kids would prefer to try stuff on, shoes especially, and sizes vary so much between stores, so I can kind of see exmil’s point.
If she’s still offering, grit your teeth, say yes please, and have a nice day out shopping with your daughter.

Plus most kids would prefer to try stuff on

So OP can take her but not X and XMIL?

ysmaem and cold please read the thread. The cheque is highly unlikely to materialise. It's all hot air on her part.

Update: took the suggestion to offer to purchase everything if the money was transferred to my account. The money didn't get transferred. So now faced with either taking her now to get everything and paying for it myself or waiting until she has been away with them at the end of August and if they don't get anything trying to get it at the last minute.

So unfortunately OP you were right about him not transferring the money. You obviously know them pretty well after so many years.