To think Charlotte Lucas had the right idea

[GreenPillows]

With marrying Mr Collins?

I reread P&P recently through less romantic/more cynical eyes after a bit of age and life experience. I used to think what she did was awful but now I’ve changed my mind.

AIBU?

YABU. She was bright, sparky and deserved better than Mr Collins. Where did she get her joy from once she lived at Hunsford? What fun did she have? What pleasure did he bring to her life, peering through that hedge waiting for Lady CDB?

She sacrificed everything she deserved for the security of an ill-fitting marriage.

She made the best decision she good under her circumstances, the law and social convention of the time.
Marriage was always an economic arrangement, designed to ensure social status, finance and property ownership.
My great aunt was married off to a widower in his 50s on the basis of land ownership. She was 16 and had a miserable married life.

There will have been plenty who did worse at that time. Boring, dull life... but then the alternative - spinsterhood with her friends marrying off and possibly leaving the neighbourhood - would also have been boring and dull.

Nope. Mr Collins is dreadful.

Mr. Collins is a fucking buffoon. Unfortunately, given her circumstances, her decision was rational.

I understand it a lot more now I'm older. She had realised she wasn't going to get a proposal from someone nice, but that poverty was going to be awful and at least she could ensure herself a secure future.

I've thought about this a lot over the years. She has made the most fantastic financial deal of her life. She and her kids will get Longbourn when Mr Bennet dies, plus Mr Collins is already doing rather nicely for himself. And she bagged all of that with no dowry, indifferent family connections and not being beautiful.

On the other hand - Mr Fucking Collins in your actual fucking bed. Can you imagine.

Maybe she puts arsenic in his tea as soon as she's had a son to secure the inheritance.

Jane Austen was brilliant at describing the status and lack of choices for women. Charlotte would probably ended up with no income, possibly homeless or forced to be a governess if she was lucky, or a "companion".
She made an informed decision.

She did what was necessary to improve her situation. Married to (the odious) Mr Collins she had status as a married woman, her own home and in later years would be mistress of Longbourne, back near her family.
In her own words, she was old to be unmarried and plain, with little or no chance of another marriage offer. Her parents were not rich and her prospects would have been to live dependant on them as a ‘spinster of the parish’ in genteel poverty.
She made a pragmatic choice given her circumstances and the era she lived in. And she appeared to be managing her husband well when Lizzie visited, with her own personal parlour and encouraging Mr C’s spending much time in the garden.
Sensible woman was Charlotte.

It is easy to judge from our perspective, but a woman in her position in the early 19th century had very few options. She didn’t have family money to support her after her father’s death so her options as a middle class woman were limited to becoming a burden to her family as a spinster and effectively becoming a non person, working as a governess or marriage to a respectable though foolish man. Marriage gave her status and security which was as much as many many women could hope for.

I often feel like I need to find a mr Collins now! I’m 30 single with a baby and still live at home. Don’t think anyone will have me! I.D dream of a mr Collins.

I think she made the choice that thousands of women in those days would have made. Not many options for 'gentlewomen' in those days, especially those who were not rich and/or pretty. Few can have expected to marry for love.

Mr Collins had a respectable job and would one day inherit Longbourn. We know that by the standards of the day he was considered a good match. Of course he was an idiot, but he wasn't violent, a womaniser or a gambler. Many women will have done a lot worse.

She hardly saw her dh it wasn’t like the marriages of today

On the other hand - Mr Fucking Collins in your actual fucking bed. Can you imagine

This made me really chuckle!!! Agree with your whole post

She got a comfortable home, domestic help and would have extra help with any children.
She was clever enough to limit the time she would have to spend with her husband.
She would have had no other expectations in terms of romance etc.

Yanbu.
Sadly in those times, that was the best of her options.
In real life wealthy men didn't marry women socially and materially beneath them for love, like Lizzie and Darcy.
She was unlikely to get another proposal - in the BBC version the actress playing her is very pretty, but in the book she is plain, not wealthy and almost over the hill.
Unmarried she would have been dependent on family, when her parents died perhaps hoping for the pity of an uncle or male cousin to support her.
She was pregnant when Lizzie went to visit her. Husbands and wives could live fairly separate lives, she would have been busy with children and the household and not needed to spend much time interacting with him.

Agree. Was the lesser of two evils in her position. Once an heir was produced I doubt that there would be much of a conjugal relationship, and for all Mr Collin's many faults he didn't seem like the type to force himself on an unwilling participant.

If they eventually had children, I'm sure she found joy in her children, which she wouldn't have had if unmarried and could lead a solitary life with relative wealth rather than a solitary life in poverty.

Prospects were not great for unmarried women at the time so you can see why they and their families were desperate for any offer of marriage.

I doubt the "lying back and thinking of england" would have taken very long. Maybe 90 seconds or so of gruesomeness once or twice a week when she didn't have a 'malaise' of some sort. Pop out a baby or two and then shut up shop. Grim but better than many of the alternatives.

Charlotte is a canny woman. Incredibly sensible financial planning - and that’s what marriage was. Who else was she going to marry, really? I always think the dynamic between her and Elizabeth over Mr Collins is one of the most interesting.

Of course a TV adaptation doesn't give the viewer the benefit of Jane Austen's writing. So an awful lot is missed.

"I understand it a lot more now I'm older."

Me too. A couple of years back, a friend of mine got engaged to a man she'd known less than a fortnight. I was worried about her but I completely understood her decision. Without giving away too much detail, her position as the unmarried "spinster" daughter in her particular family/ cultural context was unbearable. She was expected to live with her parents forever and was treated as a 24/7 unpaid nanny/ au pair/ taxi service for her married sisters. A marriage of convenience was an acceptable way out of a situation where she had no status, respect or agency.

(Luckily, unlike Charlotte Lucas, she had a third option. The engagement broke down and she did a runner overseas, putting a continent or two between herself and her family, I'm glad to say).

She was being realistic. She was smart enough to know that she'd be happier with that lifestyle (despite Collins) than the alternative. You can't blame her for it. Plenty of people settle today and they have a lot more options than Charlotte would have had.

DH has a male work colleague who is from a particular culture. He has 2 brothers, 2 sisters. He and his brothers were supported through university and have arranged marriages.
Older sister, arranged marriage on leaving school.
Younger sister, kept at home as housekeeper/ carer.
I feel really sorry for the youngest. She is late 30s. The father died recently, the mother has dementia but otherwise in good health.
She has no income of her own.
She can only hope one of her siblings will take her in when the time comes. They absolutely should.

It was better than the alternatives.

Conveying such cold eyed pragmatism is one of Austen’s greatest strengths. We’ve a very romantic view of marriage nowadays. It wasn’t always thus.

Mr Collins was a respectable man with a wealthy patron, who had good financial prospects. Charlotte Lucas was running out of time. It was a completely pragmatic decision.

But...Mr Collins!! (and being patronised by Lady Catherine de Burgh)