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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think some men are just vile

65 replies

ThelmaTurtle · 23/07/2019 17:13

Was just walking home from work when a group of 'men' started discussing between themselves the size of my breasts (her in the blue top, hers are massive etc...).

I was very obviously within hearing distance waiting to cross a road and it made me so uncomfortable being spoken about like I'm not even there/just a piece of meat for them to ogle at.

No I didn't say anything, I wanted to but it's intimidating when you're on your own so I just carried on walking.

I know it's not an uncommon occurance but I just needed to rant because it's so fucking rude!

AIBU to think a lot of 'men' are just disgusting? It's like they are just genuine bafoons who don't know how to act appropriately in public.

Generally speaking, are women just the more pleasant, thoughtful and considerate sex? Or is it just bad luck that I don't seem to have encourted as many arsehole women in my life? Is it bad parenting? Of course a lot of it is down to the society we live in I understand but how come some of them don't end up like that?

I have a H who is lovely and who I know would never in a million years act that way but I have certainly come across more 'men' like the ones described above than ones like my H unfortunately.

OP posts:

Bountylisa7 · 23/07/2019 17:15

Men are generally ok when not in a pack I find. When they get with other blokes that’s when all the sexist shit comes out.

Pipandmum · 23/07/2019 17:16

One of the problems is no one calls them out when they behave that way. I would have done as you, though I’d spend the rest of the day thinking of a witty put down!

NoBaggyPants · 23/07/2019 17:17

No, it's not a lot of men, and yes, some women can be utterly vile too. I don't think we have the upper hand in good manners!

Cherrysoup · 23/07/2019 17:18

Working in an all male environment, blokes together are often horrific.

NoBaggyPants · 23/07/2019 17:18

(But I'm questioning your experience, there's no doubting it happens.)

Original poster

ThelmaTurtle · 23/07/2019 17:21

No, it's not a lot of men, and yes, some women can be utterly vile too. I don't think we have the upper hand in good manners!

It must just be my experience then because I can honestly say (and it isn't just because I'm a woman) that I have seen men acting far more unpleasantly in public than I have women.

Of course women can be vile. But I don't see it on the scale I encounter the above types of things.

OP posts:

averylongtimeago · 23/07/2019 17:23

Not just your experience no, of course "namalt " but enough are- too many.

fedup21 · 23/07/2019 17:23

Some people can be vile whether they are men or women. Some of the bitchiest unpleasant things I’ve ever heard have come from groups of women absolutely tearing other people to bits verbally behind their back.

FriarTuck · 23/07/2019 17:23

are women just the more pleasant, thoughtful and considerate sex?
No. They can be foul too. All the men I've known are generally decent blokes.

munemema · 23/07/2019 17:27

I thought that kind of behaviour had largely died out, or at least that men knew enough not to do it loudly/publicly. I haven't experienced it for years, but I suppose it probably was always aimed at young women.

I worked for 25 years in a very male dominated industry and mostly was treated with respect, although there were some nasty individuals. I now work with mostly women and I'm afraid to say, there's far more nastiness, albeit of a different kind.

Saltandsauce · 23/07/2019 17:29

Literally exactly the same thing happened to me about a month ago while I was out for a walk. Some men are just dicks.

mbosnz · 23/07/2019 17:29

But possibly the OP has experienced being leered at, ogled at, and commented on by more men than women, so is quite justified to voice her dislike of being treated in such a way by 'men' specifically. . .

And obviously all men are not like that, and she didn't suggest they were.

I definitely wouldn't say that women are more thoughtful, considerate or pleasant - we just tend to be vile in different ways. Although apparently some women on hen dos and nights out are vile in very similar ways - for me that's hearsay though, I've never done it, and never seen it. Although I'm damned sure it goes on, I've had some acquaintances I would never go out with because I'm sure that's exactly what they'd be like. Revolting.

Fucksandflowers · 23/07/2019 17:34

I have a H who is lovely and who I know would never in a million years act that way

You don't know that.
Chances are he is quite different 'out with the boys'.
As PP have said, men, and women for that matter, are generally nice alone.
Put them together in a group and out comes the sexism.

Jojobears · 23/07/2019 17:37

These men were awful. I’ve had an instance in a lift with a bunch of workmen who were just vile. I was really shocked as most men I know are not like that.

But women can be just as vile. I used to get the train from Glasgow to Aberdeen and back several times a week. Give me a bunch of offshore workers with a few beers in them over a bunch of drunk women

EmeraldEagle · 23/07/2019 17:39

I work in a shop on a busy road & I often see men ogling at/shouting things at teenage girls walking home from school in their uniforms (not envy)
I can honestly say I've never seen women doing the same to teenage boys!

thetimekeeper · 23/07/2019 17:42

It's like they are just genuine bafoons who don't know how to act appropriately in public.

Nah, they know full well, but choosing to behave like this instead makes them feel powerful. And they get off on that.

IntoValhalla · 23/07/2019 17:45

I agree with others that a lot of men have this hideous “pack mentality”, where when they are together in a group, this sort of behaviour just spills out of them
I used to work in an incredibly male dominated field, and it took a long time for me to “prove myself” as one of the team and not just a pair of tits.

mbosnz · 23/07/2019 17:46

I know for certain my DH would not behave like that. We worked for the same company, different departments. The 'men' from his department were commenting on a young woman from mine. He called them out on it, and went and sat elsewhere, rather than listen to them carry on. There are good guys out there, who stick up for women, who hold other men accountable for their poor attitudes and behaviour towards them, just as there are arseholes who hide behind 'banter', and 'out with the lads' to excuse what they know is inexcusable behaviour.

user1471453601 · 23/07/2019 17:59

My DD is big of nork. She's also gay. Her mouth has no filter ( I know full well where that comes from)
She has often called out shits who comment on her build. She has never, ever, been threatened.

It might help DD that her partner, while comparatively slightly, is as hard as nails, and looks it.

Most "men"who wolf whistles or cat call soon back down when faced with DDs mouth and her partner s presence.

Don't let the bully win

mude · 23/07/2019 18:01

"Though we adore them individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid"
Name that quote

IntoValhalla · 23/07/2019 18:03

mude

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 23/07/2019 18:04

the mother from Mary Poppins? name escapes me...

mude · 23/07/2019 18:09

10 points to @BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil
From the song sister suffragettes
I'm watching it with the kids and it seemed fitting...

AuntieStella · 23/07/2019 18:12

Female runners face this all too frequently.

I have to say, most men are really not like this. Just like most cyclists don't jump red lights when it's green for pedestrians or ride on crowded pavements. But enough to do to make it damned unpleasant.

It only happens to me occasionally, and I find the words die on their lips if I turn to face the offending men (yes, it's small groups of 2 or 3 normally) and they see I'm old enough to be their mother.

I tend to assume they are very likely to be the same men as those which send unsolicited dick pics. And it is a shame that it's so easy to be so troublesome.

I do wonder if they grow out of it, or if it becomes some other antisocial behaviour over time

TinklyLittleLaugh · 23/07/2019 18:26

I once had some decorators in who behaved perfectly charmingly to me.

Then I overheard them discussing me and my teenage daughter while they though I was upstairs. It was a bit of an eye opener and made me. It want to be anywhere near them. I didn't tell my DH but I made him deal with them after that.

However, I am older now and I give zero fucks. Nowadays I would consult mumsnet for some pithy responses and go in all guns blazing.

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