Having children- what would you do differently?

[putthetellyon]

Aibu to wonder what you would do differently if you had your time with your children again? Another thread got me wondering...

I tried to do all the "right" things with weaning but must have got something wrong as I have two fussy eaters.

Also I wonder if I will regret not having a 3rd, but everything is pretty easy now both DC are over 4 and I had straightforward pregnancies and births with no losses or difficulties TTC - not sure I want to potentially make things harder than they are or how I'd cope if things weren't as easy 3rd time round. And DH doesn't want any more, full stop (he'd have been happy to stop at 1).

What an interesting thread. I have the opposite experience of swimming lessons to PP - I wish I had taken my eldest to swimming lessons when he was younger as once he was older he point blank refused even 1-1 lessons and I don't think he will ever learn now. I take the youngest every week and he really likes it.

Had her younger. I've run out of time for a second and she's only 2. It kills me to know she will not have a sibling.

@putthetellyon

Can you please start a new thread! What did you get right as a parent?

Really interested in the posters saying that they wish they’d been gentler and more empathetic, especially with first borns. I definitely had a phase of this and behaved badly as a parent before accepting that DS1 was just a young child whose emotional development was slower than his peers’. Still is, actually, but I understand that now.
It struck me at the playground the other evening that so many parents were not having a nice time with their young children, mainly because they are expecting them to be adults in miniature (not being smug - mine are a bit older now and were playing without any input from me while I took a breath). I think the positive change happened for me in the toddler years when I started looking at things from the tiny child’s point of view as well as from my own exhausted perspective!

I adore all mine but if I knew what I know now about the cost I would have had fewer children. I would also have been more financially stable.

I wish I hadn't put off having children until my mid thirties, because I wanted to be higher up in my career... I've had multiple miscarriages and my employer completely messed me around when I got back to work despite having a relatively short mat leave and previously being a senior and valued member of the team before kids. You can't control everything and I just didn't realise how much I would love and adore being a mum.

I also wish I hadn't had to move jobs meaning I'm going to have a much bigger age gap between children than I'd wanted.

Parenting wise, I really try not to lose my temper and to put my phone down when we are together, but is still find myself doing it. My mum was a shouty, impatient and at times cruel mum. I know I'm not cruel but I have to work harder at not losing it every time my daughter misbehaves. I'd also maybe have let other people help more in the early days, but after so many miscarriages, I just wanted to do it all myself. And finally i would have made more effort with my husband post baby. We used to be so affectionate and have lots of fun together, but we seem to have forgotten how to be the couple we were before kids and I find myself arguing with him more and not liking him very much at times. But he is such an amazing dad, I really must try to be more patient and have sex occasionally!

Had my tubes tied

I'd have given my eldest much more attention and cuddles when his difficult demanding baby brother was born. I would have somehow stopped their father from being so tetchy and impatient with them.

Enforcing clear boundaries from the get go with difficult family members.

I wish I’d had them younger but I hadn’t met someone worth having children with at that point.

I was going to say have them with a more decent man, but then I wouldn't have the kids I have, and I wouldn't swap them for the world so nothing.

@VisibleShantiLine I think fucked up is probably a bit melodramatic- I should have said that I believe how I behaved had an influence on him. If your mum (and also dad at times) is shouting at you for every little misdemeanor when you're tiny, it's easy to become convinced that you're a naughty boy (not that I ever used those words). Then it's like a self fulfilling prophecy - if you think I'm a naughty boy then I'll act like one. In my defense- his language was always amazing so it was easy to become convinced he was a much older child. Sadly his emotional development didn't match his language and he just needed his parents to love and believe in him.

If only there were enough better fathers to go round...
DS is only 18 months so I don't think I'd change anything just yet... I would have started earlier though, I didn't realise just how rewarding and amazing even a sleepless little milk fiend like my DS could be.

I would go to a sperm bank and do it alone from the start x

I think the only thing i wish i had done differently is gone to the dr's earlier and gone back on my anxiety medication, i left it so late and as a result i didn't go out much during mat leave as i used the bus and was terrified if she cried people would judge and tut at me. Meant a very boring mat leave and i i didn't appreciate as much what i had.

Bought a bigger house with children in mind rather than the "starter" home we went for...

Waited a few years and gone for promotion at work instead of going for it now with 2 young children.

Had a bigger age gap...2 under 2 was never my plan and it has been bloody hard work having two toddlers! Esp as we get little family support and dh works 12 hour shifts.

I'd be kinder to Ds1 when the baby came along, I feel like he got grumpy knackered stressed mammy and I expected a lot more of him when he was still so tiny.

Similarly I feel like DS2 barely got any attention in his first year as I was constantly chasing the toddler!

Overall though I really wouldn't change a thing. Hindsight is wonderful but my two are becoming very close as they grow up, we have quite a bit of equity in our house and I have made steps to get my career nicely back on track.

I feel quite positive!

I'm also broody as hell so writing this is reminding me that I do not want another baby, at least for a fair few years!

My only regret is when my lovely MIL offered to hoover / clean I said thank you but no...would NEVER refuse help like that again.

Was fine for my mum to help but too embarrassed for MIL as I saw it (then) as a failing. We can be too hard on ourselves