Having children- what would you do differently?

[putthetellyon]

Aibu to wonder what you would do differently if you had your time with your children again? Another thread got me wondering...

I’d have dieted down to about 9 stone before getting pregnant. I’m convinced I got stretch marks because I was already 11 stone before I got pregnant so my skin was already stretched and couldn’t stretch much more.

I wouldn't get so het up about breastfeeding. It nearly killed me (literally)

Hang their Christmas stockings on the fireplace NOT on the end of their beds. I'm now waiting up half the night for them to fall asleep before I can fill their stockings.

Had them
Younger.

@KittyVonCatsworth that's reassuring to hear. I console myself with the fact that I've noticed and have changed my approach. I'm really really hoping that we've not done any lasting damage. I just feel awful 😔

Not have 3. I love my DD2 to bits, but the strain on our relationship and my mental health was immense, and possibly terminal for the relationship. I'm working on it, but I'm very tired and lacking in hope right now.

An extra year between them, though they are close ish now and go out to the pub together. If I magically met an amazing man tomorrow and got pregnant, neither very likely as I'm close to being too old for the later! I would want to privately educate or even homeschool at first.

Started slightly younger too. Early 30s instead of mid. I would like more but at 40, I’m feeling too tired for a third!

I think I would just try and enjoy it more. I have a 7 year old and I still can’t believe the baby and toddler years are gone already.
I sometimes regret having an only child.

Chosen a different father.

As someone with a baby this is really interesting.

Do you mind me asking what you wished you’d read up on Malyshek?

I bought a couple of books when I was pregnant and am usually someone who researches everything I do but I haven’t had the inclination to bother now she’s here. She won’t have read any books on baby development and I’ve felt comfortable winging it but if I do start one I might look back and wish I’d done it sooner.

Have them with a nicer person

Maybe start earlier, although I'm not sure how I would have managed that.

Read the section in my pregnancy book about c-sections before having my first, instead of naively believing I would never have a c-section.

Be kinder to myself. Stop trying to be the perfect mum. Stop trying to do it all and chill out and enjoy it more with my eldest.

Eat less when pregnant with DS2.

Not send DS2 to nursery when he was 2 and just enjoyed that time with him a little bit more.

Quit my job immediately or found something part time. I'm a SAHM now and life is soooo much better and less stressful than when I was working. It ruined both of my mat leaves having this black cloud of going back to work hanging over me the whole time. I didn't go back after the 3rd.

Not stressed so much about screen time. I literally kept the tv off all day until the kids went to bed at night. But I watched cartoons all the time growing up and I turned out fine.

Played with them more. Just get down on the floor and cuddle and laugh and play. Give them my full attention. They are still little so I'm making a conscious effort to do this more now. I was always juggling so many things before and always cleaning and stuff and wish I had just relaxed more.

Found a better father for her! (Not that it was obvious he was going to be deadbeat arsehole!)

Worried less about the "small stuff" I stressed far too much about things that really don't matter.

However - also wish I'd pushed harder, earlier for her to get a referral to a specialist and got her disability diagnosed earlier and got us more support as a result.

Asked for help for my own health issues earlier so they'd have been sorted sooner and had less impact on her.

Out of my control but I'd have loved to have been able to have more DC, unfortunately I have a rare condition that means I'd have been risking both mine and babies lives to do so - hence out of my control really.

Stay in my job.

your first dc is always a learning curve -the total responsibility -the sleepless nights, the working together of you as parents (if you are not a sm). the finance, feeding weaning washing coping with housework (or not :) ) balancing work & baby agreeing discipline - heavens - don't any of you be hard on yourselves! its hard work but it has some wonderful rewards - so would I have changed things I did - hindsight is wonderful!

Had them with a different man -or not bothered

Interesting to hear people wishing they stayed in work. I had no option to leave work, I did drop a day and that was always special being able to go to toddler groups but now my child is 7 I feel like they've grown up and I've missed a lot.

I had my children when I was 34 and 36, and would probably have done 32 and 34 had I my time over again.

I too wish I hadn't expected so much of my girl. I feel huge guilt over her early years. It's like I forgot she was a child and expected this well behaved mini adult or something.

I honestly wish I'd stayed away from internet advice and just followed my gut. My girl wanted me there to sleep but everyone said I was making a rod for my back and I persevered with getting her to sleep alone and it BROKE me... I would give everything to turn back time and do that part over.

She's 5 now and I just enjoy her. I love just being childish with her if only even for 5 or 10 minutes a day. I wish I'd done it more. Just that look of love she gives me for spending time with her brings me to tears

@Belle89 I feel the same. I recently quit my job to return to education and I really regret wasting that time working now my son is a bit older.

I wish I'd taken better care of myself rather than just believing everyone that what I was feeling was 'just what it's like with kids' and 'all parents are tired and sore'. Sometimes I feel they missed out because I didn't recognize I was getting run down into a bad state that I possibly might have been able to prevent.

Less time researching, more time doing or just enjoying. Today my 12-year-old asked me to join in her game for the first time in ages, and now that she's in bed, I'm thinking on how I need to do more of that and wish I'd done more sooner.

I wish I had a birth plan that explicitly refused consent to a forceps delivery.

I wish I had moved my eldest to private school 3 years earlier than I did and never enrolled my dds in state school at all.

I would not give bloody Ella kitchen pouches to my first born... i was out and about a lot and it was easy but it’s all so sweet, I’m sure it messed up her desire for savoury stuff or real food. I’d give no packets/processed food at all, just mash up normal food and Give more finger food if out.

And I’d feed them what we eat, no exceptions. They’d be an awful lot less fussy.