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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel utterly hurt that my sister said that she would never employ me

74 replies

LilliesOnTheLake · 22/07/2019 22:17

Because in her words " she has poor social skills".

It really upset me. It's knocked my self esteem/ confidence. I already hate myself and this has just made me want to die. I know I'm shy and quiet and I've hated myself for it since I can remember. But for some reason actually hearing those words from someone else just cut through me like nothing before.

I'll get over it but probably won't forget it. I feel so sad. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I've had a little cry too.

I have trauma induced social anxiety from early childhood.

For the record I currently am working - so I guess someone thought i was worth employing.

OP posts:
PooWillyBumBum · 22/07/2019 22:19

Even if she believes it to be true, saying it evidenced her lack of social skills.

merlotqueen · 22/07/2019 22:20

Wow, harsh, is your sister aware of your childhood issues, was she part of them, with an attitude like that?

Shplot · 22/07/2019 22:22

You sound a lot like me, childhood trauma and social anxiety etc have you ever done the 16personalities test? It really helped me understand myself and there are others like me.
Yanbu but it would be her loss anyway.

Original poster
LilliesOnTheLake · 22/07/2019 22:25

merlotqueen no I haven't done the 16 personalities test. How did it help you if you don't mind sharing?

OP posts:
CherrySocks · 22/07/2019 22:26

Your sister is tactless, unsupportive and rude. Why was she even talking about you in the third person as "she"?

Thehop · 22/07/2019 22:27

Your sister is an unfeeling, socially inadequate twat of a human.

You clearly ARE valued as an employee.

Please remind yourself of all your good things

Throckmorton · 22/07/2019 22:29

Hey, I just wanted to say don't hate yourself for being quiet and shy - those aren't bad things! They can make things difficult for you, eg in social situations, but they are not character flaws!

Original poster
LilliesOnTheLake · 22/07/2019 22:31

CherrySocks sorry I should have said she didn't day it to me. I just walked in on a conversation between her and my other siblings and I literally just heard that sentence and said oh who are you talking about and then quickly realised it was me when they all looked a bit sheepish. The humiliation.

OP posts:
SteelRiver · 22/07/2019 22:34

Sounds like your sister needs to examine her social skills!

Original poster
LilliesOnTheLake · 22/07/2019 22:35

Throckmorton they are very much character flaws. It's drilled into our heads from such a young age. Society does not look positively on being shy / quiet no matter how lovely a person is.

OP posts:
Shplot · 22/07/2019 22:36

It was me who suggested 16 personalities. It helped because I spent my whole life thinking I was weird and different and hating that I was shy and quiet and finding out I’m a INTP type helped me realise that I’m not on my own and it explains aspects about your personality and why you act the way you do in certain situations. It made me feel happier about myself

DamnShesaSexyChick · 22/07/2019 22:39

I have terrible social skills and this sounds like something my own sister would say, but I'm still a brilliant employee as I'm sure you are too.

CherrySocks · 22/07/2019 22:42

You have excellent communication skills! And you are interacting with others on here very well. So your sister is mistaken.

CJ201 · 22/07/2019 22:43

Your sister sounds like a bitch. Seems like she has got a high opinion of herself or is massively insecure and boosts herself by putting others down.

If you feel strong enough and able to, please challenge this behaviour going forward, preferably in public and show her up or just stare at her when she says something hurtful. Make her squirm.

You don't deserve this! Keep telling yourself that.

summertime06 · 22/07/2019 22:44

This sounds like something my sister would probably say! She's really outgoing, could talk to anyone about anything, really self confident. I'm pretty quiet and introverted, I'm sure she finds me boring. I know i'm not an overly social person, but I'm really detail orientated and at work I often get complemented on producing high quality reports or spotting an error. No one is probably rushing to sit beside me at the Christmas party, but that's just who I am!

Throckmorton · 22/07/2019 22:45

They might be drilled into us that they are character flaws, but that doesn't mean they are.

Happyspud · 22/07/2019 22:50

Hmmm, the close relationship of siblings can lead to blurred lines. I’m guilty of being harsh and quick to mention my sisters faults because they annoy me but at the same time they don’t matter beyond the instant annoyance (almost like I’d be honest and judgmental of myself) because I know well she’s epic and her irritating things pale in significance to her fabulousness. When I was younger and stupider I assumed she knew that but now that I’m older and wiser I’m more tactful and kind.

billy1966 · 22/07/2019 22:51

Cripes I certainly wouldn't think being shy is a personal failure.

I'd rather be quiet than loud.
I'd rather be quiet than be tactless
I'd rather be quiet than be a bitch.
I'd rather be quiet than critical.
I'd rather be quiet than be unsupportive.

Nothing wrong with being quiet at all.

Have a cry and dust yourself off.

Just 'cos she said it doesn't mean it's true re social skills.

Being quiet is definitely not the same as not having social skills.

Your sister sounds like a right plank herself.

Jaxhog · 22/07/2019 22:51

Even if she believes it to be true, saying it evidenced her lack of social skills.

Quite! Even if you think this about someone, you don't say it where they can hear you! But she probably means you aren't outgoing like she is. It doesn't mean you lack social skills, it just means you're quiet. I wish more people were.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 22/07/2019 22:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ADropofReality · 22/07/2019 22:54

Sorry, is your sister saying "I would never employ my sister because I have poor social skills", or is she saying "I would never employ my sister because she has poor social skills"? Not clear from OP.

Mummy0ftwo12 · 22/07/2019 22:55

OP confidence can come from within, your sister/siblings opinion/throwaway comments is just that.

Search youtube now for Paul Mc Kenna's confidence hypnosis track and listen to it every day.

NeckPainChairSearch · 22/07/2019 22:56

Your sister sounds like a bitch. Seems like she has got a high opinion of herself or is massively insecure and boosts herself by putting others down

Your sister sounds like a right plank herself

Eh? She said that the OP has poor social skills. I'm not saying that wouldn't hurt immensely, but the sister didn't say it TO the OP and she didn't intend it to be heard.

ColaFreezePop · 22/07/2019 22:58

I read your first post as she won't employ you, so you would never be stuck in a family business with her were she is the boss/senior.

That's a win on your part. Family businesses can be horrid places to work for family members.

TheBigFatMermaid · 22/07/2019 22:59

I am 'loud' but I have learned over my many years to value those who are quieter. The appreciation of others is a recent skill for me, within the last 10 years or so..

She seems to have not developed this skill yet, she is to be pitied!!