To feel utterly hurt that my sister said that she would never employ me

[LilliesOnTheLake]

Because in her words " she has poor social skills".

It really upset me. It's knocked my self esteem/ confidence. I already hate myself and this has just made me want to die. I know I'm shy and quiet and I've hated myself for it since I can remember. But for some reason actually hearing those words from someone else just cut through me like nothing before.

I'll get over it but probably won't forget it. I feel so sad. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I've had a little cry too.

I have trauma induced social anxiety from early childhood.

For the record I currently am working - so I guess someone thought i was worth employing.

if it's trauma related I'd like to recommend emdr therapy. look into it, it really helped my dh

It wasn't intended for you to hear...so those saying her sister lacks social skills are wrong.

It would be different if she said it to your face. There was no intention to hurt you, although you are understandably hurt by the comment, as anyone would be.

Your sister is the one lacking social skills, not you. Shyness can be an obstacle in some professions, but so what! There are loads of personality traits that make a person unsuitable for loads of jobs! Your sister is a twat if she’s zoning in on your shyness as some kind of total professional failing.

It wasn't intended for you to hear...so those saying her sister lacks social skills are wrong.

Saying unkind things about people you love behind their backs is a sign of poor social skills.

It's understandable to be hurt and not a nice thing for her to say.

That said it does depend on the context of the conversation. I have no idea why they would be talking about your employability, and without context it does just sound mean and spiteful.

There are lots of people I know and like (my own sister included) that I would never employ in my area - for any number of reasons - including poor communication skills, unreliability, a lack of toughness to deal with the environment etc. It's not something I would generally discuss either in front of them or otherwise though.

I do think you should seek some help though OP.

Wanting to 'die' because you hear one slightly mean comment about yourself from a sibling is not normal, and I really think it sounds like you could do with some therapy to help you adjust your way of thinking.

OP, families can often develop toxic dynamics, where siblings are pigeonholed into roles - the clever one, the shy one, the pretty one, the black sheep, etc.
Part of growing up is leaving these harmful labels behind, and finding your own self worth and esteem, not blindly accepting the valuation of siblings or being dependent on their validation of you.
I think you would benefit from therapy, to help deal with your lingering issues, be less sensitive to bitchy remarks from siblings, and help you to recognise your shyness, quietness, etc as positive qualities, Not all jobs require a pushy, loud, social approach, and your employer obviously valued you over every other applicant. Focus on that, rather than rude siblings, and be proud of doing your job well!

FWIW, I've got a sister who I wouldn't employ either. She's your opposite. She has no tact whatsoever, seemingly the hide of an elephant and an inability to learn from experience. How she managed to keep a job as a receptionist I shall never know.

However, I wouldn't tell her to her face as she'd be just as upset as you are and justifiably so. Some opinions you just keep under your hat. She probably wouldn't employ me either but I will never have this conversation with her.

Try to put her hurtful words behind you. Would you want to work for her anyway? IRL it's difficult to work with family and I'm sure you have many strengths which she doesn't have.

There’s nothing wrong with being quiet. I recommend reading the book Quiet by Susan Cain. I’m quite introverted too and it helped me to see it as a really positive thing.
Your sister sounds like she wouldn’t make very good employment decisions. Often more introverted people get the work done rather than the bullish!tters who wing the interview.

Your sister can't be objective. Your relationship has developed over many years and is very complex. She knows you inside out and knows your faults and weaknesses, just as you know hers. Some are real, some are projected and some are because of your particular relationship. She can't see what other people see who don't have that history between them.
So what I'm saying is that you probably project a completely different image to other people.
Anyway due to your anxieties perhaps it's time to work on those for your own sake. Do some reading of self help books, seek counseling. Even if you struggle in social situations, it doesn't make you worthless or unlikable. Learn to like yourself. Concentrate on your positive qualities and relax and forgive yourselves for the negative aspects. None of us are perfect at all, even if we are confident in themselves.

She sounds very strange. Would she say she wouldn’t employ an extrovert or someone who is really loud?

There is nothing wrong with being quiet or shy or whatever. I’ve managed a professional career and a Masters.

Listen to @katewhinesalot.....this is the truth of the matter OP. Also FACT is someone has employed you! So there you go! Never read too much into sibling comments OP, they're notoriously unbalanced in every way!

What a bizarre thread. People have been keen to weigh in that the sister is a bitch, unprofessional, unemployable etc etc based on an overheard phrase of 4 words
There is no context whatsoever. Maybe they were discussing someone else and the OP was mentioned. We have no details of the industry that the OP currently works in or the sector that her sister would be employing for. The required social skills in, for instance, research work would be very different from someone employed in the management of a 5* hotel where social skills at a high level are absolutely essential. I'm also not sure how the woman, discussing her own sister (who is not her employee) in a private, family setting, is being unprofessional and lacking in social skills herself.
OP yanbu unreasonable to be upset by the overheard comment. The posters that have been extremely negative about your sister are.

I found the comments about hospitality type jobs needing extroverts interesting. I worked as airline cabin crew for a couple of years. Being an introvert had no bearing on my customer service skills or being able to deal with emergencies and managing passengers in regards to ensuring they complied with safety and security policies.

Never had any complaints and a fair few compliments from customers.

You don’t need to be in your face extroverted to do most customer service jobs. Being pleasant, polite and competent at the role is more essential.

Basketskittens, I worked in 5* hotels in management and customer facing roles for 20 years. I didn't say you need to be an extrovert, I said you need a high level of social skills

shieldmaidenofrohan - why wouldn’t introverts be socially skilled?

The two are most emphatically not the same. Someone can be extrovert and extremely lacking in social skills

I didn't say that, read the post properly. Having social skills is absolutely nothing to do with being introverted or extroverted

Well, tbh, as you honestly say yourself that you have poor social skills and your sister was only saying it to your other sibling - and we don't know the context... was it really so bad? I mean they are your sisters, it was a private comment - its not like she put it on twitter. I don't think its that big a deal tbh

I agree with this. So what if your sister has noticed you don't have social skills? Some people don't - we can't all be good at everything. I'm sure my sister (along with my friends and colleagues) has noticed I have poor social skills, along with many other flaws. Just like I'm aware of their various flaws.

And if it's the first time you've ever heard it, think yourself lucky. I'm shy with shit social skills and I hear it all the time from everybody. So you can't even be that bad.

shieldmaidenofrohan - if you had read the other posts you’ll see that others have commented about hospitality type jobs needing extroverts too.

To be honest if anyone was to say something horrible about me/to me it would be my sister. She isn't generally horrible she just seems to enjoy it and presumably it makes her feel good. The nasty things people say often says more about them, than about you.

Thank you all for your replies.

A few things to clarify.

My sister is not a bitch, nasty, has poor social skills etc. She has a professional job.

The context they were talking about me was that I am recently looking for a new job and I guess they were just talking about me. She wasn't talking about employing me for her own business ( she doesn't have her own business). She meant generally speaking. In general terms she would never employ me I presume for anything.

I have very low self esteem and now that I've had time to sleep on it, I do feel that I did react strongly to the comment and I probablyneed to develop a thicker skin.
I guess the comments from your loved ones can hurt the most.

OP you mustn't allow your sister she dreadful tactlessness and frankly her social ineptitude (she gossiped within your earshot ffs) to hurt you. Honestly, I think anyone with any scruples wouldn't have done this....SHE actually lacks social skills not you! She's the one whose put her foot in her mouth, how embarrassing. Please don't internalise this back onto yourself. Instead, tell yourself "my track record speaks for itself, whereas my sister isn't tactless"

*is tactless