AIBU to ask for wedding advice

[Futuremrs]

I’m getting married in 2 months, I’ve seen a lot of wedding posts on here where the B & G are called CF’s and I want to make sure no one thinks that about me.

Can you help...

We’re not rich, but not on the breadline. We are having a weekday wedding at a registry office and then off to a nice venue for a sit down meal. My mom has paid for the venue (H2B would have been happy down the Harvester!) but my moms only chance to be MOB. We are only having 60 guests.

We are providing a drink on entrance and a drink for toasts but not having an open bar.

Getting married at 2pm and then meal at approx 5pm. We are having a photo booth and candy cart at venue but not putting on an evening buffet (no extra guests coming in evening). We are not having a DJ but venue has a sound system so we can make our own playlist and play what we want.

DF doesn’t have any family so mostly mine and joint friends.

We’re very conscious it’s a weekday and people will have taken the day off work so everyone is local (within 10 miles). We didn’t put a wedding list in as we don’t want or expect gifts from anyone (we live together and have a child)

We are going on our honeymoon the day after so need to be at the airport very early, we have also told people this so they are aware it won’t be a late ‘party’.

Would you think we were being tight, or cheeky? Is there anything I should really be doing? Have missed?

What are people doing between the wedding and meal? Or is it just small amount of guests at the ceremony? The registry office wedding won’t take long at that’s quite a gap unless you are providing drinks and nibbles.
I get you don’t want buffet so how about doing the cake and then serving that with coffee towards the end? Also put and end time in the invites (unless you’ve sent them). Normally you would say ‘carriages at Xpm’. And you could also have someone announce ‘everyone please join Mr and Mrs Future for their last dance before leaving for their honeymoon’.

Ceremony will be about an hour, then 20 mins to venue and then pics and drinks. Because it’s small everyone pretty much knows everyone else so I though people would mingle before going to tables. I think all are coming to both (not been told otherwise).

Cake will be fished out after cutting for eating. Not taking it home. Should I bring the meal forward?

All good except the evening food, I would definitely revise that if you think people will stay late (closing time or after), it doesn't need to be huge though but something

What time will it wrap up- before 9pm?
If not I think that you need evening snacks- or can they buy them from the venue?

Ceremony an hour at a registry office. Are you sure?

Long time between the ceremony and the meal with one drink....

Registry Office wedding here in October. Ceremony took max 20 minutes.

Who told you the register office would take an hour? It's 30 minutes. It's precision timed.

My worry would be that your guests potentially will all be at the venue at 2.50pm nursing a welcome drink for over two hours, waiting to be fed.

Will the bar definitely be open if people want to buy another drink? Although they might just get pissed.

I'd maybe bring the food forward to 4pm tbh.

Good luck!

Can you organise bacon sarnies/burgers/chips from a local van to arrive around 8-9ish?

I think it all sounds fine. I don’t mind buying drinks at a wedding.

I think if you’ll be eating 5-6 and then wrapping up around 8 or so then no food is fine, otherwise maybe you could stretch to a few sandwiches, or think about a way to formally wrap it up and gently signal the end of the evening so people aren’t hanging around hungry?!

Are you sure a register office ceremony will take an hour? Even the last catholic wedding I went to was over in about 50 minutes!
I’d bring the meal forward as that’s a lot of hanging around with one drink and no nibbles.
I’d provide at a minimum, a glass of wine with the meal, I think it’s a bit mean not to and it will interrupt the meal if everyone is getting up to wander over to the bar. Cash bar is fine for the evening unless you’re American (just wondering as you said Mom) at which point this would be a huge faux-pas.
If your reception will go on past about 9pm then you should put on some snacks- basic is fine, doesn’t need to be a full buffet.
If needs be ditch the sweetie cart and spend the money on real food/drink.
Plan for music sounds great!
Hope you and your guests have a great day

Sounds very similar to our wedding but we had Waitrose sandwich platters and champagne in the gap between ceremony and meal. Wedding was at 3pm, sit down for meal at 5.30 but wedding was done by 3.30 so needed something to bridge that gap.

Personally I'd be fine without evening snacks unless the meal is tiny. I'd never have a big meal at 5 then a plate of sausage rolls before bed!! If you feel like you have to do one I'd go for something like cheese and crackers only

I dont think you sound CFs at all

CFs isn't being on a budget which people will understand - it's being on a budget but booking stuff outside your means and expecting everyone else to pay for it! Which you hacent at all

If, which I think is the case, you aren't providing wine at the table for during the meal, just make sure people know this so they have a chance to order drinks before they sit down. Not nice as a guest to be sitting there not knowing if someone will be bringing drinks, or to sit down to eat and then have to go and queue at the bar.

Thanks for all replies, apologies, just checked and it’s 45 mins for ceremony. Sorry mom is because I’m from the Midlands, not the states 😊

Bar shuts at 10 and will absolutely be open when we get there so people can buy more. We were hoping to leave about 10 if it’s not looking like it will be rude, we have a 4 year old and as mentioned go away the next day so will have last minute packing and sleep to cram in.

I’ll check with the venue if we are able to bring in platters, I like that idea. Candy cart and photo are fixed price together

Nothing wrong with Mom Futuremrs 😊

So wedding 2-2.45, few photos there (depends which registry office...) so at venue for 3.30, a welcome drink and more photos.

I'd possibly bring meal forward a little

Few hours for food, then is there room for people to mill around and mingle?

I think just make it clear what the expectations are and the it sounds fine.

Assuming it's a 3 course meal at 5 so not sure anyone will need more food later on. Is cake the third course or are you doing three courses then cake and coffee afterwards?

3 courses and then coffee and cake later 😊

Is there any other way to say mom? 😉

You could do what we did and have ‘big nibbles’ (ie a bit more substantial than canapes) instead of starters served whilst you are having photos / chatting. We had sausage rolls, mini rarebits, mini toasts etc. Years later its what everyone remembers.

OK you posted in AIBU so I'll be straight...

The gap is long between ceremony and reception. We married at 2.30pm and sat down for meal at 4.30pm and I feel that was the perfect amount of time-long enough to mingle and have photos but not too long to get hungry. When you sit down for dinner at 'approx' 5 are you actually going to eat straight away or is there going to be more faffing or speeches? One of the worst weddings I went to was beautiful but I had to nurse a luke warm prosecco in a packed space for hours.

I think it was a mistake to get a candy cart and photobooth instead of evening food! Most weddings I've been to have sausage butties which get demolished! I'd have to leave your wedding early otherwise or go get a chippy, especially if tipsy! Most guests don't care about these trappings, they'd rather be fed and watered. I know a lot of people have them but they are no longer a novelty and recently some of the weddings I've been to they've been left unused by everyone but the kids.

If you need to be at airport next day you should let everyone know what time carriages are so they can time taxis, and not get tanked up expecting a big night right before being kicked out.

I got married a year ago and I planned my own wedding so here is my advice.

Your wedding can be small or big but it is the management of the day that will make it a success. How things are organised, how much time is spent between photos and meal etc. Here are some tips:

1. Weekday weddings are a thing now I believe and as your getting up early the next day, people may not want to stay late but do not say that to your guests. just let things happen naturally and you call your last dance whenever you want and no one will say anything.

1. I would really reconsider getting a DJ. You spoke about the time the night will end and I think a DJ communicates with the crowd well and helps the wedding move along nicely i.e. first dance etc and the party games you can play. If you want people to feel like they were happy they took a night or two days of work then definitely get a DJ so they can have fun and let their hair down. I just think a candy cart is a waste of money compared to a DJ? but it is your wedding!

1. 60-day guests are more than some weddings I have been to and it was a great occasion. If you can invite evening guests and it will not cost much then why not.

1. I would say that for a weekday and for people to take time off work, it is best to give your guests as much food and drink as you can. It is fine for people to buy their own drinks but if it was me I would hate going to a wedding without a DJ and a buffet in the evening and it would bug me that I took a day off for that but then if I was close with the bride or groom, I would still enjoy myself and come. I went to a wedding recently, the evening buffet was rolls and bacon etc and I was not pleased so no food would be worse. As for drinks, it is better to just put some jugs of juice on the tables or cans of coke etc and have people pay for their own drinks at the bar.

1. You can make your wedding nice without much money for certain things. I.e. you can have nice poems as readings, songs for your ceremony to make it special. You can ask your MOH to do a speech for you, create a slideshow of photos to play during your first dance.

1. Back to the food - if no evening buffet is from lack of money then try to negotiate with the venue on a small buffet or just sandwiches. You can also but your cake up and maybe put some crisps, nuts out and small snacks. If your venue allows outside food then order pallets of sandwiches and wraps etc from Tesco online or M&S, £12 each etc.

1. What is your decoration like? You never mentioned that. I think this is a very important part of the wedding as it sets the tone and shows the theme of the day. But you can make it look lovely on a budget. If you have bridesmaids, for example, have some empty vases on the top table and then put your bridesmaid bouquets in there after the ceremony for your top table flowers. I would go for candelabras as centrepieces instead of flowers to keep down costs and you can make the place look lovely with fake flower petals of Etsy that you can buy in bulk and then scatter on the floor in front of the top table, on the tables.

I think you try and get some weekday wedding deals for things like a DJ. You will find most will be free that night and you can negotiate a deal etc. For me, it is just to make sure that no matter what you provide that things run smoothly from one event to the next during the day. Do not have your guests waiting round for ages, provide canapes etc if you can stretch that.

@thenanny

Straight is what I want. Thank you.
Mom going to bring the food forward. Without sounding rude to my guests I kind of want them to go early but not if that means they are upset and/or hungry. I’m going to ask if we can provide platters. I’ll also ask if we can bring a food van on site. I think that would go down brilliantly.

No faffing and long speeches. It’ll just be ‘thanks for coming’ type thing. 5/10 mins max.

Everyone does know about hol and am expecting most to drive as lots will be at work next day.

I think you may need to pull the meal in half an hour earlier.

I think as it’s an early weekday ( so people will be back at work the next day) you should provide a bit more fizz/ wine in the afternoon? Let them get their own with the food and the rest of the night.

Loads will want to leave when you do as well I’d imagine . Could you provide the soft drinks? You’ll have drivers in being local and those that have to be up for work the next day.

I'd have to leave your wedding early otherwise or go get a chippy
Seriously, a 3 course meal at 5 then coffee and cake on top and you couldn't last til 10 without supper??

I'd have had a DJ rather than a photo booth and candy cart. I also think the gap is too long and I'd expect something to eat later on.

There isn’t anyone really left to invite, hence no extra evening guests.

Decoration is chairs and sashes, balloons on all tables and a small arch. There isn’t a top table as it didn’t feel right with OH having no family there (deceased, not choosing not to come) and what he does have are quite far away (too far for a weekday wedding).

I will definitely bring the food forward, and ask about platters. How much for them to provide and if we can bring our own.

A lot of people that are there are work colleagues and friends (met through work) where it was quite corporate. I know a lot of them will not want a big party and won’t be getting ‘tanked’. I’ve known them all a long time and it’s just not their style.