Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to ask for wedding advice

67 replies

Futuremrs · 22/07/2019 21:01

I’m getting married in 2 months, I’ve seen a lot of wedding posts on here where the B & G are called CF’s and I want to make sure no one thinks that about me.

Can you help...

We’re not rich, but not on the breadline. We are having a weekday wedding at a registry office and then off to a nice venue for a sit down meal. My mom has paid for the venue (H2B would have been happy down the Harvester!) but my moms only chance to be MOB. We are only having 60 guests.

We are providing a drink on entrance and a drink for toasts but not having an open bar.

Getting married at 2pm and then meal at approx 5pm. We are having a photo booth and candy cart at venue but not putting on an evening buffet (no extra guests coming in evening). We are not having a DJ but venue has a sound system so we can make our own playlist and play what we want.

DF doesn’t have any family so mostly mine and joint friends.

We’re very conscious it’s a weekday and people will have taken the day off work so everyone is local (within 10 miles). We didn’t put a wedding list in as we don’t want or expect gifts from anyone (we live together and have a child)

We are going on our honeymoon the day after so need to be at the airport very early, we have also told people this so they are aware it won’t be a late ‘party’.

Would you think we were being tight, or cheeky? Is there anything I should really be doing? Have missed?

OP posts:

Original poster

Futuremrs · 22/07/2019 23:12

The reason for the no dj was that I didn’t want it to feel like a disco/party, I wanted more of a social get together if that makes sense. I’m not being tight but I wanted it to feel as if we had gone for a meal and then just a chat after with some background music and then people leaving at last orders.

Like I said this is why I was asking to see what people thought, i really appreciate all the advice. I don’t want any of my guests to feel disappointed for the sake of a sarnie in the evening. 😊

OP posts:

PooWillyBumBum · 22/07/2019 23:21

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not having a DJ. If people want to mingle and chat instead of fling themselves about to Mr Brightside that’s fine.

We went to a lovely wedding a few years ago where reception was in a lovely old pub in Lyme Regis, live band for an hour or so then no music just chatting. Didn’t leave until gone 2! It was filled with laughter.

I think their evening snack was pork pies, cheese and crackers.

MarSeeAh · 22/07/2019 23:21

I think you should check again about the time of the ceremony. I'm a parish minister, and I wouldn't expect a church wedding to take much more than 30 minutes, and that's with music, hymns, readings, prayers and a wee blether from me in addition to the vows, blessing and signing of the Register.

It may be that the Registrar allows a 45 minute slot, but unless you know that the time is going to be filled with music, readings, non-liturgical dance, whatever other time-fillers you've chosen, I'm struggling to see how it would take so long.

Seeingadistance · 22/07/2019 23:24

Other than the timings, which can be checked and changed if need be, I think it sounds like you've planned a lovely, relaxing and sociable day for your families and friends to enjoy with you.

RandomMess · 22/07/2019 23:31

We got married at 3pm and left by 8pm to go on honeymoon- it was fine!!!

phenomenalcat · 23/07/2019 02:54

I think it all sounds perfect. Surely people will have had lunch before the wedding so a 5pm dinner (wedding breakfast) sounds fine. You could sit down earlier for speeches and eat on the dot.
Just a few nibbles for later would be nice but not necessary. I never eat the obligatory sausage/bacon/bbq food if I've been at the dinner. I always though it was more for the evening guests and not really my cup of tea anyway.
We went to a wedding with a candy cart and it was amazing. Your four year old will love it, as ours did.
Have a wonderful day and if anyone is not happy it says more about them than you xx

user1480880826 · 23/07/2019 06:05

How many kids are going to be there? Candy cart and photo booth are mainly for kids. They won’t provide much entertainment for adults.

Glad to hear your bringing the food forward. That would have been a very long wait.

Having a wedding on a weekday is pretty cheeky but you obviously can’t change that now. You say you’ve only invited guests from within a 10 mile radius because it’s a weekday which I don’t really understand. If the ceremony isn’t until 2pm and the reception will finish late than you could invite people from pretty much anywhere and they wouldn’t have to miss more than one day of work.

1CarefulLadyOwner · 23/07/2019 06:18

Given your timings and the need to be up early the next day, I would change your reception into an afternoon tea, which can be quite substantial, with a glass or 2 of something sparkling.
Enables you to leave at a decent hour and manages expectations about evening activities - it is not compulsory to have anything in the evening.
I would also rethink the "entertainments". I went to a wedding last year where there was a photo booth (missed that completely and was not sure what it was supposed to achieve) and mini-golf. The only people who participated were members of the bridal party. The rest of the guests mingled and chatted.

LittleKitty1985 · 23/07/2019 06:44

In 2 months, so September? Weekday term-time weddings are very cheap and unreasonable imo.

Are kids expected to be taken out of school? Or are parents expected to find after school childcare for their kids while they attend? Or find transport to bring them to the wedding after school? Sounds like a nightmare to me.

Plus as a teacher it would be very unlikely that I could take a day off in September so I would be pissed off about that tbh.

Napqueen1234 · 23/07/2019 06:52

I think it sounds lovely. The main thing with all these things is people being clear about what’s happening and I think covering the meal is fine- people don’t expect an open bar these days really :) have a wonderful day!

BeanBag7 · 23/07/2019 07:05

Evening food is for evening guests but if you're not having any you wont need sandwiches etc. The meal probably won't finish until 6.30 (3 course?) and I can't imagine people will be hungry again at 8. Who ever said they'd have to leave early to get chips must have some sort of ridiculous appetite.

I personally wouldn't bother with the sweet cart. I've seen them at a few weddings and they don't really get used except by kids because nobody is hungry and most adults aren't bothered about haribo and flying saucers. Bit of a waste of money.

stucknoue · 23/07/2019 07:09

No need for more food in the evening but nibbles on arrival (nothing posh, crisps, mini cheese biscuits, nuts etc are good to keep people going and soak up booze if they haven't had lunch/very early lunch (if everyone is local some may have worked the morning)

ShootTheRunner · 23/07/2019 07:26

I would be delighted to find a nice sandwich platter at a wedding! (M&S do a good one) It sounds like a lovely day hope you have a fab time.

MrsCollinssettled · 23/07/2019 07:33

Littlekitty made a very good point about childcare. I'd agree that the candy cart/photo booth is a waste of time and money. IME guests are either too busy chatting or only use it when they've had loads to drink. With work the following day and people not staying at the venue it's unlikely that there will be heavy drinking.

The ceremony timing like everyone says looks very wrong how is it going to last more than twenty minutes/half an hour?

I think I would bring the meal forward to 4pm and have some light nibbles about 8. Are there many children coming or if children aren't invited people who have to get home to get them ready for school/see them before bedtime? They will be going early. Is the plan that you leave at the same time as your guests or are they free to carry on until a certain time? I would let people know the meal timing and when you plan to go and if appropriate what time the venue expects them to leave.

user1493413286 · 23/07/2019 07:40

I think if you don’t want people to stay late then no food in the evening is a good idea. I mainly see that as fuel to get you through to 12.

Atalune · 23/07/2019 07:41

op. I think after the registrar office is it possible for you to mingle there with some platters and a glass of something?

We went to a local park and had Mand S platters and popped a some bottles of fizz at a friends wedding. Couple of cool boxes and some friends to help and it worked beautifully, killed an hour and hit everyone chatting.

Littlecaf · 23/07/2019 07:53

I think it sounds lovely and low key, which is what you wanted?

I have no idea why people are suggesting afternoon tea/djs etc a

DisplayPurposesOnly · 23/07/2019 07:56

*I think it sounds lovely and low key, which is what you wanted?

I have no idea why people are suggesting afternoon tea/djs etc*

Agreed.

SuzieQQQ · 23/07/2019 08:01

Very tight. Provide alcohol or don’t. Not one drink here and there. They’ve already taken a day off work (why can’t you have it in the weekend??) I wouldn’t be impressed at having to buy alcohol.

Inthesummertime · 23/07/2019 08:12

You’d need more food. We got married at about 2 in a church 15 min from our venue. We had canapés on arrival at the venue for everyone (lots), we then had a sit down 3 course meal at 5 followed by an evening buffet (fancy fish and chips in cones and pizza) at 9, plus a huge sweets table. I had to ask the venue to put me some buffet to one size because it was demolished in about 15minutes. People eat a lot. I’m not a big eater or person but I was hungry enough to eat everything we’d but on. You don’t want hungry or thirsty guests.

Worst wedding I’ve been to which funnily was the most beautiful/fancy was the one where they didn’t feed us from 12.30pm until 5/6pm. It was 2 hours drive away from where we live (and most guests) we’d only had breakfast eaten at about 8. I actually thought I was going to starve to death. It was a shame because they’d gone to so much effort to make a beautiful wedding, they just didn’t feed us. Oh and it was in the middle of the nowhere and the bar didn’t even sell crisps!! The lasting memory of their day was hunger!

Todaythiscouldbe · 23/07/2019 08:13

I think it sounds lovely, your timings may be a bit out but they can be altered slightly. It's fine not to have a free bar, I would never expect it anyway, if there's a free bar at a wedding it's a pleasant surprise. Nobody is being forced to attend your wedding, they will be there because they want to so ignore people calling you tight or cheeky for having a weekday wedding.
I got married on a sunday almost 20 years ago and people told us we were selfish 🤷🏼‍♀️

LagunaBubbles · 23/07/2019 08:14

I'm 48. I have never been to a wedding where alcohol is provided the whole night. Its really not the norm here in Scotland to get anything more than 1 or 2 drinks provided, totally expect to pay for my own drinks after that. To say you're not impressed at having to but alcohol makes you sound really entitled and cheeky.

RancidOldHag · 23/07/2019 08:22

It sounds fine to me.

But YABU for posting it here, rather than in the (nice and active) topic

burnoutbabe · 23/07/2019 08:23

I'd make it very clear that there isn't really an evening do, and let people know when cake will be cut as people know they can head off after that bit,
Will there be enough seats for everyone to sit down during all the mingling or will they have to stand?
I'd bring the afternoon food forward, there is only so much polite chit chat that guests want to do.

hadthesnip2 · 23/07/2019 08:42

Been married (and divorced) twice. Last one 18 years ago so I may be a bit out of touch (what's a candy cart...??) but my main advice would be....

Definitely a bottle of wine on every table. That's a given.

I would also put a bit of money behind the bar , enough for a couple of drinks each.

People always remember what they ate - now much or how little. If you scrimp on that then it will he remembered & talked about.

Too big a gap between ceremony & sit down meal, especially if kids are going to be there. They will get fractious, roudy & be running around everywhere- especially if you have a "candy cart" (sugar !!)

A DJ would be nice. No problem with you leaving at 9pm.....I expect guests would then drift away but dont force them out.

Hth.

Flip

1 2 3