AIBU to ask for wedding advice

[Futuremrs]

I’m getting married in 2 months, I’ve seen a lot of wedding posts on here where the B & G are called CF’s and I want to make sure no one thinks that about me.

Can you help...

We’re not rich, but not on the breadline. We are having a weekday wedding at a registry office and then off to a nice venue for a sit down meal. My mom has paid for the venue (H2B would have been happy down the Harvester!) but my moms only chance to be MOB. We are only having 60 guests.

We are providing a drink on entrance and a drink for toasts but not having an open bar.

Getting married at 2pm and then meal at approx 5pm. We are having a photo booth and candy cart at venue but not putting on an evening buffet (no extra guests coming in evening). We are not having a DJ but venue has a sound system so we can make our own playlist and play what we want.

DF doesn’t have any family so mostly mine and joint friends.

We’re very conscious it’s a weekday and people will have taken the day off work so everyone is local (within 10 miles). We didn’t put a wedding list in as we don’t want or expect gifts from anyone (we live together and have a child)

We are going on our honeymoon the day after so need to be at the airport very early, we have also told people this so they are aware it won’t be a late ‘party’.

Would you think we were being tight, or cheeky? Is there anything I should really be doing? Have missed?

If you're finishing early the food seems fine (though I agree with some crisps or something while waiting for the meal). If you can, I'd try to have some wine on the tables - I have never been to a wedding with a sit down meal that doesn't have some wine with the meal.

I love sweets and photobooths! Have an amazing day.

@SuzieQQQ it's perfectly usual to be provided with a welcome drink) usually something sparkling with something in it or juice for the drivers) and then something sparkling for the toasts, and not to have thousands behind the bar. If you don't want to buy alcohol, then it's also perfectly acceptable for you to buy pop. If you can only get through a wedding with limitless alcohol, perhaps you'd enjoy it more at home anyway.

I think the mixed response re food shows you won't please everyone OP - from those demanding a second meal at 8 having finished the main meal at gone 6, to those suggesting just some cake and sandwiches to last all day. I'd just make it clear what time first food is so peope can eat before

Thanks everyone for comments.

I’m definitely going to bring the food forward. The registry office is part of a shopping complex so I figured (rightly or wrongly?!) people could get lunch before coming to the registry office there (there are loads of places to eat, restaurants, so they wouldn’t look out of place rather than a food court).

There are about 10 kids going.

Plenty of places to sit, the tables will still be there after the meal and still space for a dance floor

I’m so used to saying it’s 2 month away (June seemed like a long month) it’s actually next month so during summer holidays.

I’m definitely going to ask about a platter of sarnies/nibbles too.

My daughter went to a wedding where they had a candy cart and she desperately wanted one. The room we are in has a small bar with additional seating but of the weather is nice it has big glass sliding doors which open on to a patio with seating, and looks out on to the golf course. I expect a lot will congregate out there (also a grass area for kids to run/play)

I’ve also never been to an open bar wedding, I never think too much about alcohol because I don’t drink either. I also didn’t want people drinking too much because I would never expect people to book an extra day off. I booked it for 2 so people could go to work in the morning if they wanted.

I also haven’t only invited people from such a small radius for a specific reason other than that’s where everyone lives.

I’m also quite conscious of alcohol intake as I have invited a lot of my family many of whom do not get on with each other and while I don’t think anything will happen alcohol can always fuel the fire

Thank you for all the best wishes, hopefully it will be perfect 😊

Any reason the ceremony is at 2? Too late to make it a later start? Then meal at 5pm would be fine, and assuming it takes an hour or so, you might not need to worry about more food later on - or just have a light buffet around 8/9 - cheese/crackers etc.

If I ever get married again, I will have a much later ceremony, as almost every wedding I've been to (including my own!) with the ceremony starting around lunchtime necessitated an early start and lots of busyness around getting ready/getting to venue on time/stuffing a huge breakfast because no guarantee of eating again until about 5/6pm, and lots of needing a nap waiting around for 2-3hrs watching people getting plastered at expensive hotel bars while the photos are taken. Plus that makes the weekday aspect more palatable to me - for a friend's recent wedding, at 2.30pm in a local venue, I worked from home til 12 then quickly got ready and was there for 2pm, so only needed to take a half day off work.

It's sounds lovely, just enjoy your day.

10pm is an earlier then norm finish ime (which I'd like too tbh), so i would let guests know for taxis and in case they were wondering whether to stay the night.

Have you got a friend in charge of putting on and announcing your first dance? Or dropping that?

I personally don't see an issue with the dinner at 5pm. Three courses will take you till at least 6ish so it's just like having an earlier dinner.

My main concern would be letting people know what time it finishes. I went to a wedding recently on a Friday and they said everything will finish by 7pm and I appreciated knowing this as I planned my time accordingly.

If you haven't sent the invites yet then definitely say things wrap up by say 9pm. That's fair for a 'school night'.

Everyone knows what time it finishes. Everyone that’s coming are people I speak with regularly so they all know and know we’re away the next day 😊

Don't let anyone convince you to get a DJ

Naff, grim, charmless species they are. A definite waste of money that would be better spent on food, when you have a playlist that will do the job a lot better.

Here's the problem - your mum wants this type of wedding as it's her only chance to be MoB.

I have suggested that a DJ is a hideous waste of money for no value.

The 'unless I'm fed on the hour every hour I'll die' brigade want you to focus on food.

... and you have the wedding you want, somewhere in the middle of all that!

I DO recommend feeding and watering people, and allowing them room to sit and spread out, and sensible timings for doing so. But the rest it's better to just focus on the wedding you want, which seems to me to be something that is chilled and informal.

No to a DJ!!! You want a "party" background music for people to mingle and chat.

It's your day about what you would like.

I would be surprised to not have a welcome drink and then an amount of wine (usually half a bottle per person) on the table but wouldn’t expect any more alcohol other than that (and the toast fizz). I’d think you fairly tight for not providing that but other wise, it sounds fine. Wouldn't expect a buffet etc in the evening with a 5pm meal for a low key, not going on till midnight wedding.

Can anyone explain why 5pm is too late for the meal, with a 2pm ceremony? Do you all eat your dinner earlier than 5pm? Surely people will either have brunch that then does them until 5, or breakfast early and lunch at 12ish before going to the ceremony, why would you then need another meal at 4ish?

@BuffaloCauliflower

My thinking is that it means there will be a long time of nothing to do other than hang about and wait for the meal.

@Seeingadistance have a drink? A chat? People spend whole afternoons and evenings in pubs doing just that not waiting for a meal 🤷🏼‍♀️

Its your day so you have what you want but I wouldn't have platters and a food van. Choose one or the other or just have snacks.

I think the no Dj idea is lovely and your plans sounds exactly what you want and you should stick to that.

We had fish and chips for the evening food - it was lovely.

Good luck!

@BuffaloCauliflower

Yes, I know but weddings are more organised events, with timings worked out in advance, so it's better, if at all possible, not to have too much hanging about.

I'm speaking from experience of weddings I've attended or heard about - when people did get fed up hanging about because timings were out. Also, I do think that the OP has overestimated the amount of time the ceremony itself will take.

I think it will be lovely, low key and just what you want. Sounds so nice that you’ve thought about the kids with the sweetie thing.

Have a lovely day!