Is Mum being too nice or should she get half the house now?

[IsSheTooNice]

Sorry, long......
My mum, let's call her Jean, is in her mid-60s. For the last 20 years she's been married to a very nice (but dull) man, let's call him Colin. Colin is kind, dependable and adores her but he's a real home-bod and never wants to go anywhere, no sense of adventure or curiosity and it's got worse now he's retired. He hates spending money. She's much more sociable and likes to travel. Once she retired I think the prospect of a few decades watching him do the crossword and gardening tipped her over the edge and she decided to leave, he was heart-broken and she feels very guilty about this.
At this point she moved in with her sister, they get on very well, there's loads of room and they're both happy with this as a long-term arrangement.

Colin and Jean owned the house 50/50, it's a fairly standard smallish detached, they both sold smaller places to buy it. Jean has just decided to divorce but has said she plans to let Colin live in the house for as long as he wants and she will basically get her half when he dies. He's the same age as her. She hasn't sought legal advice yet (she obviously will) but I'm concerned that she may be being too nice - although she doesn't need the money now I'm worried that she might in the future and might not be able to get it, also she could undoubtedly have a better quality of life now and travel more whilst she's young enough to enjoy it. She doesn't want him to lose his home as well as his wife, if he had to sell then he'd have to buy a smaller terrace or flat whilst she lives in a nice house with her sister. Is this a sensible way forward that causes the least harm or is she being too nice because she feels guilty?

I appreciate that your Mum feels guilty for leaving her DH but marriages break down all the time and people move on with their lives. Your Mum is not a charity, it is not her responsibiity to give her half of the house away just because she feels bad about not wanting to live with Colin anymore. I am sure he will be able to find a flat or smaller house that he likes, even if it takes a while and maybe it will help him to move into a new property that has no connection to your DM. Please urge her to get legal advice as I'm sure any divorce lawyer will tell her what a bad idea this is.

I think it's very kind of you to look out for your mum like this OP:)

my concern would be that if you get too involved* with the decision and it ends up not working out she may feel badly towards you, is there someone nearer her own age who's likely to be able to help her look objectively at the situation?

*I am not making any judgments here about what constitutes over involvement

It's never a good idea to keep financial ties after a divorce if one doesn't have to. Always best to have a clean break.

The first option and what I'd want to do since Colin loves the house, is for Jean to suggest he buy her out.

If that's not realistic, then unfortunately (for Colin) the house will need to be sold and the proceeds split.

No matter who instigates a divorce or why, both parties need to put their own financial security first. It doesn't mean one should be greedy or rip the other off. And Jean certainly shouldn't put herself in a precarious position because she is the one who left.

There's no problem with your mum asking your advice. Just be sure you follow up any discussions with "I'm not an expert, so you really need to see a solicitor &/or a financial planner, Mum".s

When she does see a solicitor, it's probably a good idea for you to go with her. It's always good to have a second pair of ears in any important meeting

I don't know where that random 's' came from at the end ofmy 1st paragraph.

It's definitely NOT meant to mean 'sarcasm'.

They should sell up, life is too short. What was to happen if Mum died before Collin and she could have really enjoyed life with the extra money that is already hers exploring the world. Hope your mum is happy whatever decision she makes

Colin got a name as I don't think of him as a SD and 'DM's STBEH' seemed annoying

Less annoying than the ridiculous “let’s call her...” fad going on just now.

If Jean still owns half the house then she should be covering half the bills on it too and then she will still have to pay a contribution to live with her sister. That could work out to be costly and leave little for holidays etc..

A clean break would be the best thing all round. Colin may think she may come back if the house still belongs to both of them, so sell up or Colin raises the finance to buy her out. Colin can make the next house just as he likes it and Jean could buy a small place to rent out too if she still wants to live with her sister..