MIL takes DD out of my arms

[YellowsAndPinks]

Yesterday MIL just took DD 6 months out of my arms without asking. I really hate it but it happened before I had time to do or say anything. I need things to say for if she tries to do it again without looking like I'm causing a scene. How would you react in this situation? If she asked to hold her that's obviously fine it's her just taking her that has given me the rage I'm still furious today.

@FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 - you've literally just described my MIL to a T

@BlueBuilding - I had the exact same with my MIL. She'd lay DS on her chest and cross her arms over his body as if to say "back off, he's mine" it's horrible isn't it? I still get anxious around her too and often cry when DS is left with her.

Big hugs to you

I wish I could say this wouldn’t piss me off but I think it would. I would have to say, “She’s staying with me for now.” And turn away from her.

it's horrible isn't it?

Yep, but it's fine because they're just being a 'loving GP' and your feelings are completely irrelevant.

Apparently

Thanks, it's nice not to be shouted down and told that I'm the one with the problem. When she tried the same shit with my SIL I'd always loudly chime in with "I think she wants her Mummy MIL"

Eeerrrrr no love this is my darling child so feck right off

Alternately feck off oit my house

Say “please don’t snatch” and walk away... make her feel like a child.

Was Mil trying to help..it's hard washing up with a baby in your arms... were you busy at the time.

Helping is saying, “Would it help if I held the baby whilst you do .... whatever?”, @Jupiter13 - it is not simply taking a baby out of its mother’s arms, without so much as ‘a by-your-leave’.

And no, @MyDcAreMarvel - giving birth to someone does NOT give you rights over that person’s children. You cannot snatch you son’s baby from their mother. It beyond rude and oversteps so many boundaries. Even if some people don’t accept this, if they wouldn’t be at all concerned by having their baby taken from them without a single word, meant, many people WOULD be really upset by someone doing this, so please, people, remember this, and don’t take your DIL’s baby unless she says it is OK.

I do apologize...my mil is really helpful... perhaps I should tell her not to in future.

I did not say that, @Jupiter13. I said it is not helpful to take a baby from their mum without asking!! If you aren’t doing that, you aren’t overstepping boundaries, and the second part of my post does not apply to you.

If you think your DIL needs some help, I assume you offer to help - you communicate your kind offer - and I assume you would listen to what your DIL said in response to your offer, and respect her wishes. No-one should object to that.

Argh - that makes no sense. I should have said that I assume your MIL asks you if you need help, and respects your answer - sorry, dh was talking to me at the same time and I got scrambled.

Next time she comes in - beat her to it with. 'Oh I'm glad you're here' give her the baby and say 'she needs changing' and walk off.

She'll either immediately give her back or she may change her. If she changes her, that's great, you then follow up with, 'Oh lovely, thank you MIL, come to mummy DD'.

My mum did this all the time, she would cry and she would take her off me. My brother would say slightest thing ‘give her to mum’ and then take her off me ( I was 26 at the time) I wanted to scream it’s my bloody baby. Put your foot down and tell her no, it’s your baby x

I think most people would say “can I have a cuddle?” or similar before just leaning in and taking a baby, no??

You'd think so, but obviously some posters weren't taught any manners.

They seem to correlate with posters who have no reading comprehension skills, who read the post perfectly well, but have decided that because OP's posting about her MIL doing it, then she's in the wrong, and they're going to stick up for the MIL.

or who read the post...

"Not now thank you" and a graceful swoop to the side

I wouldn’t stand for this OP. I would, politely, step back (if standing) and say: “in a minute.” Say it every time and hopefully she’ll get the idea. There’s no need to be confrontational. Just be firm, but nice. If sitting, just move back a bit and say the same thing. Only a very rude idiot would keep pushing this.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t mind my own mother doing this. I’m a part of her, and I have close relationship with her. MIL, no. Grandchild is a part of her, yes, but to me she’s just like any other woman I’m not related to.

Kick her and say "no"
😂

My MIL used to do this. PILs also used to invite themselves round to our house basically every day when DD was newborn, often for several hours. Absolutely zero boundaries, either of them. DD will be their only grandchild. It utterly soured any relationship between PILs & me - I am always polite to them though, I don't think they realises how much damage they did. DH & I originally wanted more DCs, but I'm not going through that again.

This isn't about granny holding the baby, this is about Granny taking the baby without any regard for the mum's feelings.

It's weird and rude to just take a baby out of a mother's arms without asking regardless if it's family or not.

OP establish boundaries now!

It’s a primal thing. Watch how animals react when another animal tries to take its baby away. A mama bear would tear them to shreds. As humans we have the ability to politely ask for a cuddle of another woman’s baby. In the absence of that modicum of respect the OP is within her rights to feel threatened and to react as such.

There is another thread about a MIL who hid sweets for her GC to eat after bed for a year. It was their little secret. The kids now have such terrible tooth decay they have to have teeth removed.

Totally outrageous. Yet there are posters in this and the other thread who insist the OP is wrong to be upset. There are definitely precious DILs out there. But to defend MILs who clearly have no respect for their DILs is bonkers. We’re even lucky to have a MIL weigh in on this thread with her thoughts, yet her insight has been largely ignored because what she says doesn’t fit with the YABU-brigade’s agenda.

OP, YANBU. Your MIL is out of order and needs to learn to ask and not take. Most people manage to learn this when they are children. Sounds like your MIL has some growing up to do.