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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL takes DD out of my arms

97 replies

YellowsAndPinks · 21/07/2019 12:14

Yesterday MIL just took DD 6 months out of my arms without asking. I really hate it but it happened before I had time to do or say anything. I need things to say for if she tries to do it again without looking like I'm causing a scene. How would you react in this situation? If she asked to hold her that's obviously fine it's her just taking her that has given me the rage I'm still furious today.

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 21/07/2019 15:19

*exist

Beechview · 21/07/2019 15:26

I don’t think it’s bad for your mil to do that as long as the baby is not being fed.
But if she doesn’t hand the baby back when you ask her to, then there is an issue. Those mils are wanting to assert their authority and will cause anger and resentment.
When it’s done with warmth and love, then it’s usually ok.

Motoko · 21/07/2019 15:28

OP never said she didn't want MIL to hold her baby, so why are people asking why she won't? In fact, she says If she asked to hold her that's obviously fine.

Learn to read, and don't ignore salient parts of a post, because it doesn't suit your agenda.

I'm a gran, and I wouldn't dream of taking my GD out of her mother's arms, without asking first. It's called manners.

longwayoff · 21/07/2019 15:42

No, it's not an 'English thing'. Sounds barking.

Original poster
YellowsAndPinks · 21/07/2019 15:52

I have no problem with grandparents holding my daughter what I do have a problem with is someone taking my daughter out of my arms without saying anything when they decide they want to hold her.

OP posts:
Original poster
YellowsAndPinks · 21/07/2019 15:53

My own mother wouldn't actually dream of doing it.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 21/07/2019 15:58

Ok, so what did you do/say when she did this?

Original poster
YellowsAndPinks · 21/07/2019 15:59

It's hard because other people were there and I don't want to create a scene but I want to say: "MIL if you want a hold that's fine but don't just take DD from my arms without asking please".

OP posts:
Original poster
YellowsAndPinks · 21/07/2019 15:59

@NoSauce I sat there shocked and seething and didn't say anything as I was so caught off guard.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 21/07/2019 16:01

Do you have a relationship with you MIL?
Could you talk to her about this so it doesn’t happen again?

AnnabelleBronstein · 21/07/2019 16:03

JFC what a non issue. Does your mother have to ask first, or just your MIL?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/07/2019 16:07

@Halo1234 we're obviously in a minority on here! In real life I don't know anyone who objects to a grandparent cuddling a grandchild... Like that has anything to do with what OP posted!!

See, what OP actually said If she asked to hold her that's obviously fine it's her just taking her that has given me the rage

No problm with granny holding babay at all! Just snatching... and surely that's something we are all taught from a very early age - not to snatch!

Cllimb down from those high horses....

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/07/2019 16:08

JFC what a non issue. So that's a no then... some of us were NOT taught that snatching, taking without asking is rude!

nokidshere · 21/07/2019 16:17

It's hard because other people were there and I don't want to create a scene but I want to say: "MIL if you want a hold that's fine but don't just take DD from my arms without asking please

Then why don't you just speak to her and tell her that?

TheInebriati · 21/07/2019 16:20

AIBU to think that girls need to be taught assertiveness all the way through school? There are so many threads like this one.

Its rude to take anything, let alone a baby. You don't have to seethe, you do have to learn to say 'No'. 'No' is not a rude word.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 21/07/2019 16:51

Point out that she's doing what older female chimps do to set their dominance over younger mothers in the group Confused

And wear your baby in a sling so you can decide when to take them out

Likethebattle · 21/07/2019 17:34

@MyDcAreMarvel again, the op has never said she has any problem with her MIL holding her baby its the snatching her that’s riled her.

Her baby is her daughter and although she’s not a possession she does belong to the OP.

Runkle · 21/07/2019 17:48

Yes please tell your MIL she is acting like an old female chimp and report back to us... Confused

TowelNumber42 · 21/07/2019 17:56

"Oi, no snatching in this house!" Said with a laugh and a smile while holding baby away. You can follow up by looking at baby saying "Granny meant to say please may I have". Passive aggressive, which I normally hate but it might work here.

Keep the tone light so she looks a loon if she objects but has an easy way to have a laugh with you and gently apologise if she was just being a bit unthinking.

Whisky2014 · 21/07/2019 17:56

Fucking hell. It's a bit weird to just be like "no"

How awkward.
If my mum or MIL came in and wanted to take the baby I don't see the problem unless I'm in the middle of breastfeeding Confused

NoSauce · 21/07/2019 18:05

I guess it depends on many things. How it was done, what sort of relationship they have, if MIL does this sort of thing regularly etc.

There’s not much to go off here other than the OP was furious.

Original poster
YellowsAndPinks · 21/07/2019 18:08

@FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 Grin

OP posts:
Gustavo1 · 21/07/2019 18:10

If you have no problem with her holding dd, just not whenever you have her, swing your arms/hip out of reach and say “not just this minute. I’ll pass her to you shortly” or “I’ll just hang on to her for now and let you know when she’s ready for a cuddle”
I think most people would say “can I have a cuddle?” or similar before just leaning in and taking a baby, no??

boosterrooster · 21/07/2019 18:12

Firmly tell her that she can hold her anytime but you'd rather she wasn't snatched from you like that. If she has an issue with it that just explain that you yourself would never just grab a baby from their mothers arms.

MILs get a lot of slack on here but I'm afraid it's true that they act like our DC's are their property and it's just not ok.

BlueBuilding · 21/07/2019 18:13

I think unless you've experienced it, it's hard to understand.

I'd walk into their house and MIL wouldn't even look at me, let alone say hello and just take DD out of my arms.

Or if she was crying would just keep saying "give her to me" as if I couldn't settle my own baby. Not in a 'Want me to have a try and give you a break?' vibe at all.

Also when I tried to get her back, she'd just completely ignore me. I'd reach for her and she would cling on tighter and act like she couldn't hear me or start walking around the room.

It was the most awful feeling. My DD is 6 now and I still to this day get anxious when going there. Is she a loving GM? Yes definitely. But she treated me like shit when I was at my most vulnerable and insecure as a new parent. It really affected my mental health too.

Realise I may be projecting on this thread though.

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