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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Odd question from lodger

95 replies

toffeeapple123 · 21/07/2019 11:55

I woke up, rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom. My lodger asked if I was going to the shop. Er, no, I have just got out of bed and going to take a piss. I don't offer a 24 hour guest service. I work really long hours in a demanding job, and you are a student. Go and buy your own f!cking breakfast, you CF.

Anyone else find this odd?

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 21/07/2019 12:09

So lodger was up and dressed but you clearly just fell out of bed and she asks if you’re going to shop?
Yes she’s a CF and also never returns the favour of picking anything up for you is again a CF.

Original poster
toffeeapple123 · 21/07/2019 12:09

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan I'd never, ever ask a flatmate or landlord or lodger - as soon as they'd woken up on their day off - whether they're going to the shops to buy me breakfast. I'd do the 2 min walk myself. I'd totally understand if they were unwell etc - I'd even offer, like I normally do.

OP posts:
Original poster
toffeeapple123 · 21/07/2019 12:09

Thanks Bookworm4 I agree with you

OP posts:
category12 · 21/07/2019 12:16

I think you're being a bit grumpy and petty.

Is this on top of a history of the lodger being a pain in the arse?

DarlingNikita · 21/07/2019 12:18

I'd never, ever ask a flatmate or landlord or lodger - as soon as they'd woken up on their day off - whether they're going to the shops to buy me breakfast She didn't specifically ask the breakfast bit, did she?

I think you're overreacting, but it does sound like this question pushed your buttons about her never offering to get stuff for you. Maybe stop your habit of asking if she needs anything when you go out?

Sockworkshop · 21/07/2019 12:19

So you offer every time you go but her asking you is "entitled"
The answer you are looking for is "no"
There -no drama Confused

BlueCornsihPixie · 21/07/2019 12:20

It's just a question.

If you were already going to the shop what's the point in you both going? She's not asking you to go to the shop for her, she's asking if your already going to the shop. Which you weren't, so she went.

It's a perfectly normal question between flatmates Hmm

Cherrysoup · 21/07/2019 12:23

You’ve brought this on yourself. Stop offering to get her stuff every time you leave the house, no wonder she thinks you’re going to get her stuff.

MrsCBY · 21/07/2019 12:25

So lodger was up and dressed but you clearly just fell out of bed and she asks if you’re going to shop?
Yes she’s a CF and also never returns the favour of picking anything up for you is again a CF.

This. YANBU, OP.

Original poster
toffeeapple123 · 21/07/2019 12:25

DarlingNikita yes she wanted a bagel for breakfast

OP posts:
pictish · 21/07/2019 12:26

Well you keep offering and she keeps taking...so there you have it. It’s not a massive departure for her to ask and it is fine that you said no.
Stop getting her stuff from the shop.

Original poster
toffeeapple123 · 21/07/2019 12:27

BlueCornsihPixie I was clearly not going, and wouldn't be - I had just woken up!

OP posts:
MrsCBY · 21/07/2019 12:27

BlueCornishPixie no, it’s not a perfectly normal question when the person asking it is already up and fully dressed, but the person they’re asking has clearly only just got out of bed.

It’s a really knobbish question in those circumstances. CF all the way.

Readytogogogo · 21/07/2019 12:29

I don't know why you're getting such a hard time! If she's lazy and never recriprocates then I'd find that extremely annoying.

TheDarkPassenger · 21/07/2019 12:30

This is what I say to my oh when I mean ‘when you go to shop... I want chocolate’

wanderings · 21/07/2019 12:31

This is exactly why I was afraid to ask questions or for help as a young adult; getting an angry reply simply for asking. That and primary school teachers who named and shamed children who asked "silly questions", when all they were doing was clarifying something they weren't sure about. I once casually asked a prospective landlady if she was the homeowner: her reply was a very stiff and cold "I don't think that's relevant". I didn't move into that house! A friendly "I'd rather not say" would have been fine.

Yes, the question was perhaps mistimed, but as you have before offered to buy them stuff from the shop...

MrsCBY · 21/07/2019 12:31

I don't know why you're getting such a hard time!

The joy of AIBU.

thetimekeeper · 21/07/2019 12:33

Have you ever said anything to her about the lack of reciprocation?

Original poster
toffeeapple123 · 21/07/2019 12:40

thetimekeeper No I haven't said anything about the lack of reciprocation, because I'm a grown adult, and can make my own way to the shops. It's not a big deal. But I will stop offering to buy anything she may need when I'm at the shop. And will use the line 'I'm not a 24 hour guest service maid' the next time she asks when I'm half naked, in my dressing gown, yawning and heading to the bathroom. She rents out my co-owner's room, I'm not her servant.

OP posts:
Original poster
toffeeapple123 · 21/07/2019 12:41

wanderings You sound rather sensitive. I've never gotten angry at anyone for asking a ridiculous question btw.

Yes I offer when I am heading out the door...I don't want to be asked when I'm on my way to take a piss after waking up on my day off.

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 21/07/2019 12:43

It depends how she asked.

"Oh are you planning to go to the shop? I was fancying a breakfast bagel."
"Are you going to the shop? If you plan to, let me know because I might have a bagel."
"Will you go and get me a breakfast bagel?"

Readytogogogo · 21/07/2019 12:45

this is exactly why I was afraid to ask questions or for help as a young adult

The lodger and OP are both mid thirties - although if you know that and think that still counts as a young adult, then I'm delighted!

neveradullmoment99 · 21/07/2019 12:48

The mistake you have made is you have made her feel entitled.
You have asked her if she wants anything from the shops.
Now she is asking if you are going.
No big deal.

DarlingNikita · 21/07/2019 12:48

No I haven't said anything about the lack of reciprocation, because I'm a grown adult, and can make my own way to the shops. It's not a big deal.

The thing is that you sound on here as though it IS a big deal. I'm glad you're going to stop offering to buy her things when you go out; it's clearly not suiting you.

neveradullmoment99 · 21/07/2019 12:49

She is asking if you are going so she doesn't have to.
Maybe she was meaning later.

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