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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Work colleagues.talking about the Christmas party already.

73 replies

whatisforteamum · 21/07/2019 07:37

I've posted before about staff dos and how I never go to them.Views were divided.Last night I was asked by a my new boss if I will go this yr.It is July ffs!!
I said I doubt it.I have never really gone to them all my working life.My boss knows I have social anxiety which makes socialising hard.
I pointed out that after spending all December on 12/13 hour days with the same people I don't see the point in spending more time getting pissed with them.
I do have a family I could see when these colleagues are single and decades younger.They said it was.a.chance to bond.We all chat all day everyday while we work.
I came home feeling fed up that I'm made to feel odd for not going.One other colleague also a parent admitted she didn't see the point after a meal of.All night drinking.

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/07/2019 07:39

How big is the company?
Tbh I’ve been to enough Xmas and summer parties to last me a life time. Fortunately i now work is a small company where most people have kids and just want to get the hell home

Gizlotsmum · 21/07/2019 07:40

Dependant on why they do for the Christmas party and how many of you it probably does need thinking about now. I think asking if you would go is fine, as is declining, but do you normally say you can't make the date or give a straight no? Our company are giving us money to sort our own Christmas do (announced this month) so it's up to individuals if they pool the money or keep it.

JemimaPuddlePeacock · 21/07/2019 07:42

You’re being prickly for no reason, it’s fine to go and fine not to go. I typically don’t go to mine as it’s such a busy time of year in general and one weekend day in December earmarked for a work party means being unable to see friends and family. I like my colleagues, but it’s just not my thing.

You didn’t need to ‘point out’ you already see enough of colleagues so don’t see the need to attend the party, that was quite rude unless you’ve left out details and the boss said something to push back on you not going. If you have social anxiety that’s fine but not a reason for a boss not to ask if you’re going, that’d be pretty discriminatory of them to assume you wouldn’t due to anxiety.

It reads here like a new boss asked if you were going and you felt aggrieved to be asked. And it’s normal to start thinking about Christmas parties now as things book up. Why did you respond with such a shitty attitude?

Thegracefuloctopus · 21/07/2019 07:46

I hate work partys. I went to 1 for my first job. Since then, i havent been. I dont plan to go. I spend all day with the pricks, i dont want to see them in the evening too. Plus, they are all young free and single and tend to treat the xmas party as some kind of gossip focussed mass orgy. I, however, am married with kids... i want to get home and cuddle up.under the xmas tree with a hot choc and the 2 ronnies reruns!

Pinktinker · 21/07/2019 07:46

YANBU. I’ve also never gone to them, waste of time. Thankfully don’t have one now I teach but when I worked in retail as a student they all did and I never went. I resented having to pay for the Christmas party for starters and yeah, I worked with them enough to not need to spend my spare time with them too.

KatherineJaneway · 21/07/2019 07:48

You just say it's not your thing.

It's not unusual to have to organise the Christmas party many months in advance depending on numbers and prestige of venue, so I can understand it might be a topic of conversation in July.

Sandybval · 21/07/2019 07:49

I hope you didn't actually say to your boss that spending all that time with colleagues is more than enough its fine to just say no, I'm sure they're not that bothered to be honest. Every one I have been to some people have just stayed for the meal, or left whenever they want to, so you wouldn't have the stay the whole night. But again, if you don't want to that's reason enough!

Hwory · 21/07/2019 07:50

As someone that gets stuck with booking the work Xmas party.

Yes I know it’s fucking July but if we want to go to a nice place then you’ve got to book it now.

If you don’t want to go fine.

Hidingwhoiam · 21/07/2019 07:54

This is around the time to boom a Christmas party.

I have worked at venues that do christmas parties. The organised ones book now. The main rush is usually around September when the kids go back to school. Everyone wants to book then, but if you want your pick of dates and venue, now is the time to book. By September lots of dates have already gone.

You dont want to go fine. But also the managers is fine advising it's a chance to bond with work colleagues. Because it is. It's still fine if you dont want to go.

However, by pointing out that you already spend alot of time with them and donr want to spend more time with them, is just making you look like you dont like them. Maybe you dont, but in work relationships can really impact your working day and career progression and general happiness at work.

You are ok to not want to go. Your manager is ok to gently encourage you to.

Timtims · 21/07/2019 07:55

I find it massively rude for colleagues to not attend at least part of the work Christmas party (ie. Just the meal if not keen on a big night out) unless they have an immovable significant commitment. It gives the impression that you dislike your work colleagues/employer SO much that you can't even be bothered to spend 3 hours of your own time with them.

Weirdwonders · 21/07/2019 08:01

I think your sentiments are fine, and I don’t even think it’s that bad to admit you have priorities other than spending yet more time with your colleagues at that time of year - words to that effect obviously. As long as you all get on in work, time spent getting pissed can sometimes make things worse not better IMO. Forced socialising isn’t that professional, if you think about it. If it’s on work time, fine. But it sounds like it isn’t so they shouldn’t be forcing you to go.

Unicornsdosparkle · 21/07/2019 08:05

Our office Christmas party was booked last week. I'm not going out of choice. I like my colleagues but I have a lot of committments. I will go out for a meal with them though. No drama just make your choice to suit you, like others will.

Karwomannghia · 21/07/2019 08:11

If you don’t want to go, fine. But you could show a little sympathy and appreciation for the poor bugger booking the bloody thing and having to deal with months of balancing options and preferences, chasing confirmations, payments, dietary requirements, access needs and other random needs. All you have to do is say no thank you without moaning and take it as a compliment if people want you there.

ginghamtablecloths · 21/07/2019 08:12

I'd feel exactly the same as you OP. You're at work all day with these people - if you can't bond with them then you are unlikely to do so any better on a night out.

Parties aren't compulsory so be brave and say no. Just make sure that the boss has no other 'social' issues with you so he has nothing to complain about.

HarryElephante · 21/07/2019 08:14

If you just accept that everyone is different and enjoy different things. And also know that christmas party attendance is not compulsory. This will make your life easier.

PleaseGoogleIt · 21/07/2019 08:14

Well if it isn't booked by now and doesn't get booked in the next few weeks then you'll be having your Xmas do in January.

Yes, it's July but things get booked - just like the conversations around Xmas dinner also start now, there's less than 6 months to go.

Just don't go, you don't have to justify it, especially by saying you spend enough time with your colleagues.

Ramalambadingdong · 21/07/2019 08:16

I had to book our work Christmas do at the end of January for this year and even then it was touch and go that they had all the hotel rooms that we required, bonkers isn’t it.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 21/07/2019 08:19

I always said it is nice to be asked.Always.I just hate to be badgered all November and December about why I don't want to go.I don't even travel by bus as my anxiety is so bad at times.
Work is fine as I'm occupied.I guess I feel cornered and it comes across as a poor attitude.The people are.nice enough.I just don't see the point as I spend enough time there and it will be partly at my place of work and much as I get along with everyone I am not a teenager so don't have the same ideas for fun.

OP posts:

daisypond · 21/07/2019 08:20

It’s up to you , of course, but it does seem churlish not to go. I’ve never worked anywhere where there’s been a meal out for Christmas. Unless you can’t afford it, that is.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 21/07/2019 08:23

Yabu, you can’t just turn up on the day and expect a table, in the most busy period of the year.

Why do you think business start advertising these in the summer.

I also find your comment UR yes you spend time in work with your colleagues, however this is a time to not be at work.

Your choice not to go, but your attitude to your colleagues is shocking tbh.

ForalltheSaints · 21/07/2019 08:26

If you don't want to go, that is fine. Agreeing a date is reasonable now if somewhere is to be booked.

Just say you have decided not to go, say it is your final decision and ask not to be asked about it again. If you are being badgered again later on in the year, it is a form of harassment as you are very clear you do not want to go.

MulticolourMophead · 21/07/2019 08:31

A group of us at work are looking at booking a Xmas party already, at a place where it gets booked up quickly so we have to act now. We dont have a "works" Xmas do, there's around 350 altogether, so different teams do their own or group with other teams.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 21/07/2019 08:35

Well, it doesn't sound like the situation is going to change so you'll have to change how you view it. Pick a phrase ("Christmas parties really aren't my thing, but I hope it's a good night") and repeat it every time someone asks you if you're going. Have a brief explanation if they really push as to why, something that makes it clear you're not getting into a debate on this.

But don't put a dampener on on the fact that other people like the Christmas party and want to talk about it/encourage others to go. OK, so you can't understand their enjoyment of the party, but that doesn't mean you have to be the Grinch about it.

And yes, parties will get talked about now. There's already been mention of ours as a) we need to book in advance to get a table for 30+ people and b) it takes a while for 30+ people to come to a consensus as to where they want to go.

Rainbowshine · 21/07/2019 08:36

Why can’t you just say “I can’t make it” when asked in Nov and Dec? I don’t see how that can be that difficult?

WatchingFromTheWings · 21/07/2019 08:40

I used to work for a major employer in a town where if you didn't book your Christmas party in February you wouldn't get anywhere decent for your Christmas meal. Don't see the problem in booking/arranging that early then finalising stuff closer to the time.

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