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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work colleagues.talking about the Christmas party already.

73 replies

whatisforteamum · 21/07/2019 07:37

I've posted before about staff dos and how I never go to them.Views were divided.Last night I was asked by a my new boss if I will go this yr.It is July ffs!!
I said I doubt it.I have never really gone to them all my working life.My boss knows I have social anxiety which makes socialising hard.
I pointed out that after spending all December on 12/13 hour days with the same people I don't see the point in spending more time getting pissed with them.
I do have a family I could see when these colleagues are single and decades younger.They said it was.a.chance to bond.We all chat all day everyday while we work.
I came home feeling fed up that I'm made to feel odd for not going.One other colleague also a parent admitted she didn't see the point after a meal of.All night drinking.

OP posts:
peanutbutterismydownfall · 21/07/2019 08:42

When I used to organise the work Christmas do, it had to be booked in July and it was useful to have an idea of who would probably be there & who would probably give it a miss so that I could book a big enough table at an appropriate budget and also that the venue was somewhere where the majority of those going would like to go.

twilightcafe · 21/07/2019 08:42

whatisforteamum
I'm asking this out of genuine curiosity; and not because I'm being snide.
But if your anxiety is so bad that you sometimes can't face getting on a bus, then how do you manage at work?

isabellerossignol · 21/07/2019 08:44

If they want to book a Christmas dinner for a large group then they'll have to book now, so I can see why it has come up. They are right to ask you because it would be really mean to leave you out. But all you have to say is 'no thanks, I'll not be there'. It's not a big deal.

PinkBuffalo · 21/07/2019 08:46

Our work is booking the Xmas party. I have politely declined and still thanked the person organising it and nothing more has been said.
I Don't think it's rude to not go. The place they've booked has a set buffet that's pretty much all meat, and I'd be paying £32 for a bowl of salad! And travelling a long way to get there when I've already Booked the day off for Xmas shopping.
But I've kept that to myself and graciously declined because I do like my colleagues and we all get on well. It's just expensive for me because I'm single and live alone and things are tight anyway

Yogurtcoveredricecake · 21/07/2019 08:55

It's fine not to go but I think your reasoning was a bit rude.

As a SAHP I really miss going to a Christmas Party, maybe I could go in your place!

MadamWaffle · 21/07/2019 09:03

I brought up the Christmas party in work last week as it needs to be booked soon if we want any hope of getting somewhere good.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 21/07/2019 09:06

You also don't need to go and get pissed!

The last two Christmas parties I went to for different work/clubs, I drove. Had a nice time chatting and then just left whenever I wanted to.

Worked well for me as I am not a big socialiser and tend to suddenly have had enough and want to go.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/07/2019 09:08

I wish the company I work for was this organised. They still haven’t even announced the date of our summer party, never mind the Christmas one. I expect the committee will still be faffing in November Envy

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 21/07/2019 09:09

You have to organise it now if you want a choice of dates. I have does enough to know it is a thankless task!

I wouldn't be offended at all that you don't fancy it- either as your boss or as the organiser. But just say no. Don't go into your reasons because that's what people might take some offence at.

StripeySocks29 · 21/07/2019 09:15

I never go to the Christmas party either, I just ask when it is and what ever date they say I say oh, that’s my brothers birthday, I won’t be able to come, sorry.

This year we even have to pay for our own Christmas party so that’s even more of a disincentive Grin

Squirrelblanket · 21/07/2019 09:32

I probably won't go to mine this year. Last year a couple of my colleagues insisted that it should be on a Friday night after work. Friday's are difficult for me especially in the run up to Christmas because we don't live near our friends and family and tend to spend the weekends from mid Not onwards doing this. But I went along anyway. I met two of my colleagues in town (I'd been working from home so had to travel in) to find that the rest of the team had decided they were only coming to the meal part. We had the meal and then everyone went home immediately after at 9.30pm. I don't see why we couldn't have done that on a week night, what a waste of a Friday night!

I would really much prefer it if we could just do a lunch on a normal work day. It's not like they are crazy nights out. But I suspect I'll be overruled!

acatcalledjohn · 21/07/2019 09:34

I find it massively rude for colleagues to not attend at least part of the work Christmas party (ie. Just the meal if not keen on a big night out) unless they have an immovable significant commitment. It gives the impression that you dislike your work colleagues/employer SO much that you can't even be bothered to spend 3 hours of your own time with them.

It's a Christmas party, not a summons.

Mintjulia · 21/07/2019 09:37

I booked my works Xmas party last week. If I want to find somewhere decent and book enough rooms, it has to be done now.

We had the same sort of discussion about dinner & club, or horse racing & curry or maybe clay pigeon shooting & lunch, every year in July. It’s normal.

HunterAngel · 21/07/2019 09:41

I work for a big company and have never been to the work party. A night of getting drunk and partying with people I barely know is not my idea of a fun time. My department has a dinner for our team and that’s more my thing

ScreamingValenta · 21/07/2019 09:42

It gives the impression that you dislike your work colleagues/employer SO much that you can't even be bothered to spend 3 hours of your own time with them.

I disagree. Not wanting to socialise with someone isn't the same as disliking someone.

Not wanting to go to a Christmas party isn't even the same as not wanting to socialise with colleagues generally.

I would happily go for a quiet meal at a decent restaurant with my colleagues, not at Christmas.

But I'm not interested in going to a party and I'm certainly not interested in eating mass-catered turkey and rubber Christmas pudding washed down with crappy plonk, which is what you always get at these £25-a-head type dos that venues flog to companies at Christmas.

Chilledout11 · 21/07/2019 09:45

Ours is usually an hour away and involved staying over in a hotel. Everyone is quite bitchy about what people wear. Mimic the way they dance and all is repeated across the staff. So no thanks. Too expensive and I wouldn't enjoy it.
Just say no. If it is a meal after locally work I always go.

NCforthis2019 · 21/07/2019 09:49

My placeholder went out in March - i work for a large company and our parties take a lot of planning, we had to rsvp within the week. I have no issue about it and frankly it’s a strange thing to get worked up over 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fatted · 21/07/2019 09:53

I think to be fair OP if your social anxiety is that bad you can't get the bus, then you are probably reading more into this than you need to. I wonder if what you consider to be harassing you to go is perhaps colleagues asking why you don't want to go with no malice intended. It could even be they would consider an alternative venue, date, time etc if they thought you would attend?

A polite 'Thank you for inviting me but I won't be going. You all have a great time' would suffice.

I must admit our Xmas do was a bit odd last year. I'm the only one my age in our team and the rest is made up of girls in their 20s who wanted to go clubbing or people in their 60s who wanted the meal and then to go home. And me just stuck in the middle nursing my drink!

MinnieMountain · 21/07/2019 09:53

Ours was booked in June as it's always the Friday before Christmas.

I'm not going as I'd prefer to prioritise meeting up with friends then.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 21/07/2019 09:57

Twilightcafe I have never been very sociable .I love working in a bustling friendly environment.I recently had to give up driving due to dizzy spells and anxiety.Public transport was almost as bad.Maybe the Meno of watching df battle cancer then pass away.😥I changed jobs to a ten minute walk away.I'm having therapy.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisforteamum · 21/07/2019 09:59

I will work 200 hours plus in december.All I want is me time of time to see Dm or family .I wish people would accept my no as no.I hate justifying myself.

OP posts:
Babymamamama · 21/07/2019 10:06

I don’t think they can make anything like that compulsory. I get how you feel OP but there are ways of doing it tactfully. I usually explain I don’t do evening work stuff because of “family commitments” (looking vague at this point). And will explain I’m always up for a work lunch but don’t like late nights. It’s not true at all but avoids anyone being offended. Work nights out are the worst!

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 21/07/2019 10:17

Fatted no I would nt.I love their company we.do have a laugh.Most are late teens or 20s so their idea of fun isn't mine.I have only eaten out once or twice in my life.They know this.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisforteamum · 21/07/2019 11:31

Stripeysocks that is hilarious😀😀.I need to be less honest more creative in future.

OP posts:
Tp93 · 21/07/2019 12:12

I never him to any work functions. I feel the same way, I spend more time with colleagues than my own family so why would I want to spend any more time with them outside of work. Could just be me not being a very social person though