Is there something wrong with me?

[Pauuuuuuline]

I didn't really want this in AIBU but I couldn't seem to select a different topic.

So here goes.

I'm tired all the time. I mean, I get a decent amount of sleep but I'm just so exhausted. I have no motivation to do anything. No get up and go. Everything seems like such effort. I spend hours talking myself into doing the simplest of tasks like emptying the dishwasher or putting a load of washing on.

I don't look after myself. I bath every day but outside of this I don't do anything else. I don't brush my hair or look after my teeth. I eat too much and it's always junk, binge, type stuff.

People think I'm lazy. I guess I could be. But I'm always so desperate to change. I want to look after myself and I want to have motivation, I want to keep my house clean, to socialise, to make friends, to enjoy playing with my baby. (Just to say, I was like this before I was even pregnant, none of this is a new thing since DS came along). But I just can't. I can't do any of it.

I'm awkward in social situations and almost always say the wrong things. I overshare. People think I'm really funny. I don't actually mean to be. My palms always sweat and I'm so conscious of myself. I replay every encounter. People are always saying how strange I am.

I constantly worry about DS getting hurt or dying. I worry I'll wake up in the morning to my DH telling me that DS won't wake up. I go to work two days a week and drop DS at Nursery and I worry that the nursery will call me and say DS has fallen and hurt his head badly. I worry as DS crawls around the living room whilst I'm watching him. Worried he'll hurt himself. I miss him desperately when he goes to bed or to Nursery but I also don't really enjoy spending time with him. It's difficult to explain. He's such a good and easy baby and yet I find him exhausting after five minutes.

I felt guilty for feeling that way about spending time with DS. Guilty that I don't enjoy it. I worry that I'm not doing enough. I feed him, change him, hug him (if he'll let me!) But what if he's not getting enough stimulation, what if I'm not playing with him enough, what if I've been too short with him, what if, what if.

I just desperately more than anything want to enjoy spending time with him.

I can become very obsessive over things very quickly but also I'm not interested in anything either.

I'm easily irritated. I get frustrated very quickly.

Sometimes I feel utterly miserable. Hopeless, almost. Then suddenly, I'm on top of the world, I've got a bit of fight back, a small burst of motivation, I feel happy and carefree and then just like that, it's gone again.

SlowStarters, I'm exactly as you described. It's a weird one.

Is propranolol good for anxiety? Is it OK to be taken long term?

I'm going to put another reply in because when I replied before it was 2am and I think I can articulate myself better now.

What you say is scarily similar to how I feel. I would say that the way you perceive the world is different to many others. You have trouble staying in the present. You get depressed about the past and anxious about the future. You have a constant narrative going on in your head so even when you are doing something pleasurable, there is still negative talk going on inside you.

I relate to what you say about getting frustrated easily and feeling like you aren't doing enough for your child. I'll do puzzles and make some cookies with my kid and then berate myself at the end of the day that I didn't do play doh with him on top of that.

I'm guessing you're an introvert. But that you also enjoy socialising when you get out and do it. Too much socialising causes you to withdraw and hibernate for a while. This world is full of extroverts. One of my friends is an organised, beautiful, kind, fit extrovert. Her home is immaculate, she has 3 kids and wants more. I look at her and think, why am I not like her? But she thrives on the chaos and busy-ness. Put me in that situation and I'd be in tatters. I have limitations and I'm learning about them and working around them.

Do you get stuck in sensory activities like over eating and alcohol? I do. Food helps keep me in the present moment. I love cafes and big cakes and binging in the evenings. I'm making small changes like having small coffees rather than huge bowl sized mugs of it. I gave up alcohol because I got so much anxiety the next day and always acted like a tit on it. I gave up caffeine because it just makes me tired later on. Sugar has the same effect I've noticed but that's my vice. I think you're probably on a carb/sugar rollercoaster, that will reduce your energy and make you feel exhausted. I felt better when I tried the keto diet but these things never last long for me.

The bit at the end where you mentioned the burst of motivation. For me, it's like I'm temporarily extroverted. I make plans and feel great! Then I go back to my introverted self and regret the plans and feel down.

Do you feel you want to connect with people on a deeper level? Not just talk about the weather etc. But enjoy talking with others about life, why we are here? Do you think about existence a lot? Sometimes feel parts of life are pointless?

I'm not sure what the answer is. The part about not taking care of yourself seems like depression. People of this personality type are prone to it because they concentrate so much on the past and future, but in a negative way.

Are you in a relationship? What is your partner like? Do you get a breaks from your child? Do you get time away with just your partner or friends?

ssd I think INFJ turbulents must all resonate with this!

Dontknowwhattodo987, your post was exactly like reading my life story!! I don't know anyone else who is like this??. Do you sometimes feel like you're too intuitive? I've been freaking myself out recently guessing things people tell me, like finishing off their sentences for them, it's like I'm inside their heads and know what they will say before it's said? I feel I read people too well and absorb their story and emotions and it affects me too much, it's exhausting.

The bit at the end where you mentioned the burst of motivation. For me, it's like I'm temporarily extroverted. I make plans and feel great! Then I go back to my introverted self and regret the plans and feel down.

I get this and it totally fascinates and confuses me. I feel like after these bursts everything is even worse because I see how impossible all the plans were and then I feel extra demotivated and sad.

OP please DO go and see a doctor, and please DON'T put your faith in Myers-Briggs. Made up by a couple of early/mid 20th cent Americans with NO professional psychological training, it has been questioned scientifically for decades . See, for example: www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2013/mar/19/myers-briggs-test-unscientific
Detailed (early) critique here: [http://www.indiana.edu/~jobtalk/HRMWebsite/hrm/articles/develop/mbti.pdf]]
More recent book described here: knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article/does-the-myers-briggs-test-really-work/ The author the this book seems to make a very interesting point - that some people and many businesses feel the need for a particular type of 'self knowledge' and are hungry for something - anything - that provides it. The test findings grip peoples' imagination; they become part of modern culture. That doesn't mean, however, that the test is 'valid' or 'reliable'.

Rats! Second clickable link doesn't work. I'll try again:
www.indiana.edu/~jobtalk/HRMWebsite/hrm/articles/develop/mbti.pdf

florascotia2, no one here has told the op not to see a Dr and to only put her faith in myers briggs.

Ffs florascotia2 I'm not saying that OP shouldn't go to a doctor! I clearly stated that Myers-Briggs isn't any kind of exact science. But do you know what's interesting? A few of us all perceive the world in the same way. We understand it in a way that a lot of others don't. I said that we are prone to depression and anxiety. Myers-Briggs is a way to understand that there are different ways of perceiving the world. It's not something that is exact. I'm not capturing imaginations with it. I'm helping someone meet other people who think the same way. And helping them understand why their mind may work a little differently.

I wasn't remotely suggesting that they had....

I think the people most affected by Myers-Briggs are INFJs. Because they finally get why they are different. It's a lonely existence, I felt lonely for 30 years until I met people in a Facebook group who see the world the exact same way that I do. It may not be scientific but I'll be forever grateful to finally have found a tribe of people who get me on a whole other level. If anyone wants to join it's the INFJ personalities, introverts & empaths group.

Ring your gp in the morning and make an appointment. Even if you just show him this thread or write a list for him, it’s an important first step.

I was - like so many others here - encouraging the OP to see a doctor. I was not suggesting that anyone here who was a fan of Myers Briggs was saying that the OP shouldn't see a doctor.

People can believe in Myers Briggs or fairies or little green men for all I care. Good luck to them. Genuinely. Whatever helps. But when people are possibly unwell, as perhaps the OP might be - I don't know, I'm not a doctor - I do tend to think that seeing a doctor should probably be the priority.

Vitamin D deficiency, anaemia and look at your B vitamins.

ssd I totally get the being too intuitive. I once met a friend's new boyfriend and within seconds of our first meeting I knew he was completely evil. Can't exactly say anything to my friend as it was just a feeling. In the end I was totally right about him, I've never met anyone more evil than him.
My boyfriend (now husband) asked what I should get his mum for her birthday. I'd only seen a photo of her. I picked perfume. Weirdly, it was the exact one she wears she was running out of.
I sense when someone has died, like when my mum was about to tell me my gran had died, I felt it just before she said it. Same with my grandad and our dog's death. Intuition can be a blessing and a curse. I was so relieved after I took the test though. For so long I have felt weird, an outsider, awkward, both introverted and extroverted. I felt so alone. Finding the INFJ groups on Facebook has been a blessing. I'll be thinking about something pretty deep and then see a post on the group about it!

I found out one of my close friends is an INFJ and the other an INFP. It made so much sense.

OP this could be depression, anxiety, ASD, PDA. I would definitely see your GP.

Dontknowwhattodo987, that just sounds a lot like me. Isn't it strange!!

Sounds like anxiety with possibly low iron or b12. Definitely see GP, get bloods done and look into CBT. Also I agree with PP about sleep quality, when I dream a lot I've barely slept well at all. Diet and exercise usually fixes that and once anxiety calms too.

Go and see your GP. (Just chiming in with the rest). Honestly, they are your best chance of helping you. And yes, people do see the world in different ways. But you can be physically and mentally healthy and have a unique way of looking at the world too!

It sounds like me with vitD deficiency. I also ached badly but was bone weary and uninterested in everything. But there are lots of other conditions/deficiencies that give the same effect. Def worth popping down to the doctor for some blood tests to find out. If possible, ask for a double appointment so you can discuss bloods and depression/other conditions.

Do you wake up feeling like you haven't been to sleep? Because you sound just like me before I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. Getting treatment changed my life overnight.

I feel a bit like the autism police this evening because I've just suggested this to someone else but could you be autistic? Assuming you've been like his your whole life? I'm autistic and im the same. My special interests are the only things I want to do and I hate social interaction unless it's with my safe people. Being autistic in a world full of neurotypical people is exhausting.also it's hard to do something so boring like empty the dishwasher when you just want to do whatever your current obsession is (for me it's eBay). Other reasons could be depression/ anxiety/ vitamin deficiency/ anemia/ sleep apnea

Hi OP. Another one just dropping in to say please don't feel alone, I too could've written your post.

I'd never heard of the test @Dontknowwhattodo987 suggested but I just did it and also got INFJ. I am also recently on medication for depression and anxiety which seems to be helping.

Good luck whatever you choose to do, but a visit to the GP just to see about a blood test for vitamin levels or some CBT if you don't want to go on tablets may be a good first step.

I agree sounds like depression and anxiety. Go talk to your GP be honest. They will help you find someone to talk too. This isn’t your fault and you are not lazy. It is most likely a mental problem which means no matter how much you rest or sleep it will still be there the next day. Please put yourself first. Take care x

Could be a number of things; could also be more than one thing.

I have several diagnosises (sp?) and you sound like me. A combination of illnesses and syndromes make me like this, and more.

But showing the GP a print out of all the things you have written in this post, will help them to work out what it likely is, and how to treat you.

You don't have to feel this bad forever. There is hope.