To think I might honestly be single forever?

[Singlestpringle]

Yes I know that being with a man isn't the be all and end all. I have a professional career which gives me an interesting and relatively well paid job, I own my own home, my DC are (young) adults. I'm in good health, and having lost weight recently and toned up am slimmish (size 12 though I'm aiming for 10) and relatively physically fit. Although the only family I have are my DC I do have several groups of friends.

I am recently single again after a relationship of several years ended. I thought he was the man I'd be with forever, we had our next 20 years planned. I knew my future as much as you can, and now I don't.

While we were together although I felt apprehensive about my DC moving out as inevitably they will in the next few years, I knew that he and I would have our life together. Yet now I'm thinking shit I'm going to be on my own, rattling round in this house like Miss Havisham.

I tried internet dating before I met my ex partner and it was years of awfulness. I can honestly say that apart from him, in 5 years I didn't meet one honest, respectable man. Plenty of pervs, fuckwits, ghosters, commitment phonics, you name it. All they had in common was a lack of respect for women. So there's no way I could ever put myself through that horror again.

Which leaves randomly meeting someone - can't happen at work, I'm too senior. Local pubs etc men are not on my wavelength to put it politely. Sports- all the men are 20 years older or younger. Or married.

I'm not 'ready' to meet anyone else yet. In truth the thought of even kissing anyone other than my ex makes me feel ill. At the moment and for the short term I like my life on my own. But if I look forward 5 years or 10, it fills me with dread to think of coming home to an empty house night after night.

I know a bad relationship isn't better than none. I know I am better off than many. Most of friends ARE in good relationships though and have been for 20+ years. But I can't see it happening again for me realistically. AIBU?

She mentioned that she’s too senior at her job to indicate that it would almost certainly be inappropriate to have a relationship with a colleague, not to brag, so stop suggesting this is prissy when it’s actually just decent behaviour.

OP - don’t write yourself off. You need time to heal at the moment, but who is to say you won’t start a new hobby or meet a friend of a friend or feel ready to try OLD again one day. Plenty of people with a lot less going for them than you find partners they are suited to.

@Singlestpringle do you live in the east of England? If so, and it's the same city as me, there is definitely a dearth of decent single men round here!

Don't write yourself off. You sound like you have a lot going for you.

Does your local parkrun have a social bit at the end?

I would also be open to any social activity, regardless of whether it was mainly women there. You become.part.of their network and they.can introduce you to suitable people.

Also OLD can be utter shit. But I know a lot of people who have met keepers that way. So continue being as picky as you want!

I'm more East London than East of England. But not many men around here that I've found who fit the bill. Or whose bill I fit, as it were. It's probably no coincidence that my expartner is from a completely different part of the UK (had moved here for work reasons).

I'm not writing myself off, I just can't even consider going back to internet dating. I do know people who met that way. It's how I met my ex. But in 5 years he was the only man who was decent and respectful. If I'd met lots of guys I just didn't click with (which has been the experience of some people I know) I might - when time is right- be willing to give it a go. But the men I encountered were with a single exception so completely awful I really can't face it.

I do parkrun, however most of the guys are either in their 20s or 60s. There are a few who seem closer to my age but they are all married. There's some milling around after but no real socialising due to location.

After a suitable interval I would suggest that you join some groups / clubs /organisations where you will have interests in common - political / ideological / environmental / spiritual / artistic / creative - and just let the bonding happen naturally (kind of at a higher level).

I think if meeting a partner is important to you then you probably will in the fullness of time.

In the interim maybe try to view yourself as free rather than alone.

It definitely is important to me. I don't want to be single forever. Although I am definitely happy as I am on my own for now. I am just apprehensive about my chances of meeting anyone suitable once I am ready to do so. I know internet dating is not for me, work is out, there is no chance of meeting anyone else through friends...it doesn't leave many options.

it doesn't leave many options

Book groups
Join a running club
Try some new hobbies
Join Meet Up
Go on a singles holiday.
Do some volunteering.

There are still loads of options to be in places you might meet people!

I was in a book group, it was all women (and closed due to lack of numbers/ interest). People round here are not big readers (understatement).
I am in a sports club, no one my age. Although that may change over time I suppose.
There's only 1 meet up group locally atm, it's all female (it's an exclusively female group).
Singles holidays and volunteering are definitely things I could do in the future once DC have left home.

So start a book group.

Start a meet up group.

“You sound picky”

She is right to be fucking picky! Not being picky is why shit loads of women on MN post about their shit loves married and trapped with kids with shit men.

When you’re ready to date again, paid for sites might yield better results than the free ones.

Sizeofalentil Interesting list. As a single guy in his mid-40s, I can tell you I wouldn't join any of those.

Probably why I've been single 9 years!

Shatner if you wanted to meet women where would you go?

Badminton apparently is a good way to find someone.

Thing is, everyone will have lists or suggestions but at the tend of the day it is all LUCK. I know people who have tried pretty much every suggestion they've ever made about "where to meet men" or "where to meet women" and for some, no joy whatsoever; others meet a partner the second time they attend.

Meet.up is always thrown up, but as I and several others mentioned on another thread last week, it varies hugely depending where you live. Many meet.ups are for 20s-30s or over 50s, even.

Everyone always suggests cycling as somewhere good to meet men. No doubt those posters will be back in a few years complaining about how much time their man goes cycling if MN boards are representative.

The trouble with a lot of groups and clubs is that they don't necessarily socialise after the activity, so you don't always get any chance to interact. The last few clubs I joined almost everyone was married - turned up, played the game or did the activity and went home. Even the few singles didn't bother.

I'm involved in a couple of hobbies which generally have a much higher ratio of women to men. But whenever new women turn up, they are either married or much older or much younger.

I have a female friend who has been single 11 years, is involved in hobbies with a high ratio of men to women. Nothing doing still. She's now taken up running.

In other words, you can try and boost the odds in your favour but it still boils down to luck.

Shatnerswig, I agree there is a huge element of luck in it all. I have 2 friends who met their now DHs in the first week of uni, one of those on the very first evening! Whereas I didn't meet anyone in the whole 3 years. We went to the same places, did nothing differently, it was just luck. It's the same as internet dating. I'm sure some people end up (happily) with their first ever date- whereas for me, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, it was an endless stream of fuckwits.

There are things you can potentially do to improve your chances but there's no guarantees. Which is not something I am trying to dwell on too much!

My sister has been happily married to an OLD for 20 years. But she's a very decisive person. She rejected people out of hand for not being ambitious enough and one for his shoulders being slighter than what floats her boat. I thought it was awful of her but she said she knew body type or income would influence her later on so make the decision early.

I don't think I've ever rejected anyone out of hand for arbitrary reasons. In the past I tried to be relatively open minded. I would prefer a man of a certain height and build but it's a preference rather than an absolute.

Take up running, join a running club and expand your social network then you can get involved in good deeds in the community. You make new friends and if you met anybody that is a bonus,

www.goodgym.org

Ah, see you already run.

You hate cats?

Yes I'm not a cat person at al, I just dont like them and never really have. I love dogs, but unfortunately working full time isn't really compatible with dog ownership.