Hi everyone,
So to set the scene, I was a single mother for a long time, my son will be 10 soon, I had him at age 21 (had a massive haemorrhage after birth and nearly didn't make it).
3 years ago I met a wonderful man, no children of his own. He's 35 and I'm now 31. When single I was indifferent to having more kids, I suppose I was just trying to keep going and keep a roof etc, but when I met him he wanted kids and I have come around to also want more, now that we are very comfortable and I can imagine such things!
We are currently not seeing eye to eye on marriage and kids, we both want both, really want both. However I would marry him tomorrow wearing a sack in a registry. He thinks we need loads of money to get married, or for him to even ask. He wants us to be financially stable. Same answer regarding kids.
Now, dear reader, I class us as extremely financially stable. I own my house outright (no mortgage) and we have a household income of over 50k a year. I say to him we are beyond lucky in our position (it is all quite new to us both, 3 years ago we were not in this position at all, but I inherited enough money to clear my mortgage and he started a business which is now very successful, he gets dividends from shares each year on top of his income) but he never thinks it is enough to have kids. He seems terrified of not being able to afford to support us all. And I just know I raised my son on next to nothing and he never went without, so to me it makes no sense.
We are also not getting any younger, I am terrified of having more kids too late in life, since at age 21 it nearly finished me off, the risks are obviously higher in your 30's and I don't want to push my luck. He is just so focussed on the money and cannot see it any other way, but also he cannot say what counts as "enough".
I feel like my life is being dictated by an unknown quantity, he says he will know when te time is right, but that to me seems so unfair. His younger siblngs are all getting married and having kids and they have mortgages and lower income than us. What can I do?
As a side not he is the most amazing step fater, has encouraged me to take a break from working so I can focus on my son and his wellbeing as much as possible (he was having a tough time last year) and he is happy to pay for everything for my son and I, which was hard for me to get used to but he is beyond caring and an amazing role model. He just does not seem to understand the whole life passing us by while we wait for "enough" money (whatever that is!). I don't think there ever will be an amount that is enough, because it is such a loose goal.
TIAx