Or is Husband re bottle feeding?

[Pipanchew2]

DC is EBF - 10 weeks. I’m starting to feel pretty trapped and exhausted from round the clock feeding and would like DC to take a bottle every now and then so that I can have a bit of baby free time to myself. I’m not saying I want to leave DC for long but would like to be able to meet a friend in the evening or go out during the day for a couple of hours without worrying that DC is starving.

I’ve tried DC on a bottle a few times recently and he really wasn’t keen so I know it’s going to take a bit of perseverance to get him to accept one. I’ve suggested to DH that he needs to take a lead on teaching DC to bottle feed as he’s be the one doing it when I’m out.

DH responded that he doesn’t see why he should be the one teaching DC to bottle feed as I’m the one that wanted him to take the bottle. He also said that surely most other mothers that EBF put up with being tied to their babies and it’s normal for me to not be able to have more than a couple of hours to myself. Is he right? AIBU?

I'd add, planning for enough food when out has never been an issue. But I honestly feel this is less about the logistics and more about what feels right to you.

EBF isn't for everyone. I'll admit I was in your DH camp, I just took the view it wasn't forever and didn't really miss going out without the baby. I socialised plenty in the day with friends and by 16-20 weeks could have evenings out - he would sleep reliably from 7pm til at least midnight even on a "bad" night. Almost every one I knew (bf or bottle) their babies were sleeping long chunks by 6m, so I suppose I just felt like it was a relatively short window in my life. When we decided to have a child part of feeling ready was a growing awareness that we felt "done" with partying, very late nights etc & were noticing our social events shifting, more day time bbqs etc, and having an EBF baby didn't stop me partipating in this.

Oh and mine never, ever "got used" to DH attempting to give him a bottle of expressed milk....it made him SO distressed, every attempt resulted in a crap night etc.

I used avent bottles rather than fake boob bottles. IMO a bottle can not mimic a boob and so it probably confuses baby to “work” for milk from a bottle. I breastfeed and swapped nipple for bottle having squeezed a bit out the end of the teat. I stopped when he got upset and repeated for a few days. Then he took it and DH was able to give it to him. If DH tried in the beginning baby just got worked up.

Good luck. You definitely deserve a break.

YANBU EBF can be tough going at times and if you need a break then he should be 100% doing whatever he can to support you.

I EBF mine and he would not entertain a bottle at any point, not from me, not from his Dad. Apart from being deranged with sleep deprivation (he was a very frequent waker) I couldn’t even pop out to get my hair done without dragging the whole family with me. Both times I left him home with EBM he point blank refused and I had to come home. So I can empathise with that need to have a couple of hours to yourself.

But hey, to each their own. To you breastfeeding is easier and that's perfectly legitimate. To me, bottle feeding is easier

Indeed! The only reason we never tried to get DC2 to take a bottle is absolutely because I couldn't be arsed. To me it's just a colossal faff that I had no impetus to get round to.

But if OP feels some bottles would be beneficial to her then she should, of course, have her DP's support.

My own thoughts - it is a bit early to introduce bottles but not necessarily too early if you feel it is required. Get dad to do it and look up paced feeding.

As for the points about ease - yes to each their own. I bf my 3 kids for 5yrs each (well 3rd child is only 2.5yrs now so still ongoing) but this never stopped me being independent. I went back to work after 6 months with my 1st and after 9months with the other 2. I work FT in a demanding job. Bf has never hindered that. Quite the opposite. And I love snuggling up to my babies at night and breastfeeding, lovely way to reconnect after a tiring day at work. Yes at times it can be hard work but it's immensely rewarding.

For the OP - your DH needs to support you and you both need to agree on the way forward. My DH would have bought formula anytime if I'd asked.

Your DP is being totally unreasonable. Also, I have to counter the EBF babies never take a bottle thing a bit. Mine takes a bottle fine, although she'll wait a bit longer for that than the boob which she seems to know is instant.

Tips: yes, he needs to do it. I used to go and have a bath so I was out of the way for a while but accessible. DP would feed baby as much expressed milk as she would accept, then bring her to me to finish feeding. I think it was the 3rd or 4th time when she just drank the whole bottle and was full.

YANBU. He is being a jerk.

And yeah, I don't get the whole mummy martyrdom thing. I'm a very enthusiastic supporter of breastfeeding but, let's be honest, at the level of your individual baby, you're highly unlikely to see any noticeable, quantifiable benefits from being 100 per cent EBF. Nobody is going to be able to walk into your child's Reception class and sort them from the kids who were almost entirely breastfed with the occasional bottle when mummy needed a break. Whereas, if the mother hates exclusive breastfeeding to the point where it's damaging her mental health and stopping her feeling a connection to her baby, then that is likely to have negative effects, both for the baby and the mother.

Just to add, that way made it a bit less fraught as I was there as back-up. My DP was quite worried about the responsibility the first time. Would it be worth asking yours WHY he doesn't want to do it?

@Isadora2007 that's a pretty shitty attitude to take.

Sorry, not read all of the replies, but yes, he is BU. As others say, your baby is unlikely to want to take a bottle from you when he can smell your breast milk and knows you are right there. It is much better for someone else to do it.

I'm a non-bio mum to my DD, so was in your husband's situation in terms of feeding, and I think he's missing so much. Yes, ok, you could continue to EBF - but you don't really want to, and that's one thing. It's bloody hard keeping a bond between parents when you have a newborn, and I think every single thing that keeps you feeling you are on the same page, helps.