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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is Husband re bottle feeding?

87 replies

Pipanchew2 · 20/07/2019 17:28

DC is EBF - 10 weeks. I’m starting to feel pretty trapped and exhausted from round the clock feeding and would like DC to take a bottle every now and then so that I can have a bit of baby free time to myself. I’m not saying I want to leave DC for long but would like to be able to meet a friend in the evening or go out during the day for a couple of hours without worrying that DC is starving.

I’ve tried DC on a bottle a few times recently and he really wasn’t keen so I know it’s going to take a bit of perseverance to get him to accept one. I’ve suggested to DH that he needs to take a lead on teaching DC to bottle feed as he’s be the one doing it when I’m out.

DH responded that he doesn’t see why he should be the one teaching DC to bottle feed as I’m the one that wanted him to take the bottle. He also said that surely most other mothers that EBF put up with being tied to their babies and it’s normal for me to not be able to have more than a couple of hours to myself. Is he right? AIBU?

OP posts:

hammeringinmyhead · 20/07/2019 19:51

Yanbu. We introduced a bottle of EBM at 3 weeks so I could occasionally go to the cinema/dentist/hairdresser and introduced formula at 10 weeks. I'm still breastfeeding at almost 9 months apart from DH doing book, a bottle, bed routine or when we go out for a couple of hours and grandparents babysit. The break is important and I think the lazy arse is worried you'll want him to do some night feeds.

Fatted · 20/07/2019 19:51

Your husband sounds like a twat OP. Does he actually do anything with your DC?

Nanny0gg · 20/07/2019 19:52

Sorry. I put yabu as I can’t disagree with your husband- most EBF mums do kind of just have to suck it up for the first wee while. And persevering with something that upsets your tiny baby for you to get a few hours enjoyment isn’t something I’d be comfortable with either as the other parent. Sorry. Your baby is only tiny for a short while but your social life will still be around.

What a load of nonsense! Bottle fed babies aren't 'upset' at being bottle fed!
And the baby will get used to an occasional bottle if her lazy father steps up to help.

Celebelly · 20/07/2019 19:52

And as for 'causing baby discomfort so you can enjoy yourself'. 1) There's no need to be a bloody martyr. This is one of a long list of things that a baby and child will be disgruntled about in life. That's just the way life goes. and 2) this is just another example of women being made to feel guilty about wanting a few precious hours to themselves - and by other women too. I don't see men being shamed by other men about doing all their 'hobbies'. It's shameful and depressing.

Jimdandy · 20/07/2019 19:53

Anyone who breast feeds needs a medal IMO.

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 20/07/2019 19:53

DH responded that he doesn’t see why he should be the one teaching DC to bottle feed as I’m the one that wanted him to take the bottle

Presumably you both want your baby to be fed tho he’s being a selfish lazy prick.

Soconfusedandlost · 20/07/2019 19:54

As PP have said, a baby will fight a bottle from mum as they have used smell and touch to encourage breastfeeding so they don't understand why they can't breastfeed on that occasion. From your side, your body will react to baby crying/upset so will be trying to feed (eg sore boobs etc). I agree that dad should help with bottle as you have handled every single feed since birth to be able to go to shop without worrying if you'll be back in time for a feed is a luxury and one you have well deserved. He is an ass

Millie2018 · 20/07/2019 19:55

In the nicest possible way, I voted YABU because it’s been 10 weeks.
It’s not that long in terms of the feeding journey. It should get easier as the baby starts to sleep more and goes longer between feeds.
I’ve not voted YABU to be nasty, but my experience of BF 2 children both for over a year, 10 weeks is still early days. I think feeling trapped and exhausted is probably quite normal for most new parents (regardless of the feeding position). Maybe your husband is also feeling this way. Maybe he honestly thinks that because you are the primary carer the baby will respond more favourably to you.

It’s worth a calm conversation about some of the good points made here (like the fact that you will smell of breast milk etc).

bellinisurge · 20/07/2019 19:56

My dh is very proud of the 10.00 (ish) bottle feed he gave our dd. From time to time he loves recounting his technique for dream feeding her and winding her. We had a terrible time when she was tiny (I had massive health problems which turned out to be MS) and this is like his "glory days" tale when we both have so few.
Dd is now 12. They are currently racing each other on Mario Kart.

ememem84 · 20/07/2019 19:58

I bf ds until he was 6 weeks old. I hated it. I was willing to be open minded initially and gave it a try but honestly hated every second of it. I hated that I was exhausted and was the only one who could do it. Hated the attitude generally here to bf in public. Just had enough.

When ds was 1 week old dh bought a box of formula. And popped it in the cupboard just in case. I was adamant I was going to continue bf because it’s what I felt I had to do. Dh could see I was struggling. Everyone else could see I was struggling. I hated it.

Dh gave ds a bottle one evening. He sent me to bed early, said he was going to try the formula. I slept for about 7 hours solid and ds took the bottle. And then another for his next feed. We never looked back.

I’m due dc2 in a week. I’m going to bf initially and see how we go. Maybe it’ll be different this time. But we have the formula already. Just in case.

Your dh should be supporting you and supporting your decisions.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/07/2019 19:58

I breastfed dd. She took bottles of expressed milk from me no problem. It sounds like this isn’t the case with you. He is being a complete knob and really needs to learn how feeding your child works. He is also a parent.

Original poster

Pipanchew2 · 20/07/2019 19:59

Thanks everyone for the responses. I had similar feelings with DC1 who I EBF and who never took a bottle so whilst it is early days I want to avoid the feelings of resentment that i had first time round. Does anyone have any tips on how they got EBF baby to take bottles... have tried formula and pumped milk and a few different nipples.

OP posts:

PixieLumos · 20/07/2019 20:00

@Praiseyou
I’ve suggested to DH that he needs to take a lead on teaching DC to bottle feed as he’s be the one doing it when I’m out.

That’s what I took this to mean, since presumably when OP is feeding she would put DC on the breast.

NameChange30 · 20/07/2019 20:02

"Does anyone have any tips on how they got EBF baby to take bottles"

Yep. Make Daddy do it.

AllFourOfThem · 20/07/2019 20:02

And this kind of attitude is massively detrimental to a new mother’s mental health.

OP, YANBU.

Malyshek · 20/07/2019 20:03

No making up bottles in the night or before we go anywhere, no sterilising and washing bottles, ability to be spontaneous and not have to think about whether I have enough food for the baby. It's incredibly easy now and that's from someone who had a rough time of it at the start.

Well, I only sterilized bottles at the very beginning ; after reading up on this I realized that sterilization is a bit of a sham as it stops being sterilized the moment you pick it up. Not to mention, the milk itself isn't sterilized. So there's little point. Washing the bottle properly is enough.

As for heating, I have a samovar, so all I have to do is pour half-hot, half-cold water and it's about the perfect temperature. Just add a few mesures of formula. Takes less than a minute.

I guess that, despite being easy, it's not quite as simple as sticking baby to boob, but the freedom of leaving baby with someone else makes this more than worth it !

My colleague had a son, roughly same age as mine. He is (was) exclusively breastfed. He wakes up five times per night and feeds numerous times throughout the day, despite weaning having started. I wouldn't trade for anything ! And I'm in a country where NOT breastfeeding gets you the evil eye from random people.

Butterfly02 · 20/07/2019 20:03

I had twins ebf tandem style but when we went out this was impossible so I expressed and fed one via a bottle while I bf other only one would take the bottle but to get him to take the bottle at first I sat him in his car seat as then he wasn't fishing for me after a while he took to it well it also meant when weaning he was so much better than his sister at taking a bottle / beaker of milk.

DappledThings · 20/07/2019 20:05

I chose to do formula because it is so, so much easier. Also other personal reasons, of course, but I can't see how breastfeeding would ever, ever, be easier

Seriously? Never having to make up a bottle, worry about storing it, sterilise bottles, plan how much you need to take with you when going out, no needing to get up in the night further than leaning over.

I have 2 DC and have never made up a bottle. DC1 had one bottle a day for one month before switching to cow's milk but it was so little we just used those pre-made ones. He only took bottles at all because when he was 4 months I wanted to leave for 6 hours for an event. With DC2 I had no such impetus so never bothered trying with a bottle and she never had one.

100% the easier way for me. I can't imagine having to faff about with all the bottle making malarkey. Definitely seems more effort to me

DappledThings · 20/07/2019 20:06

Damn. A rogue space ruined my bolding for the quote

SignedUpJust4This · 20/07/2019 20:06

He is being a twat. He should be supporting you with this and baby will find it easier to take a bottle from him rather than you. However, despite hours of perseverance mine never took a bottle from anyone and we gave up. Which sounds awful but 6 months came around so soon and by then she was eating food and able to use a Sippy cup with milk/water so yes in some ways many ebf mums just don't have a life but it gets a lot a better after 6 months. That's not the point though. Your OH is a dick.

SignedUpJust4This · 20/07/2019 20:08

My second took a bottle but that's because we started her on them straight away and ignored HV advice to wait 6 weeks to avoid nipple confusion. A lot of evidence that nipple confusion isn't a thing.

Praiseyou · 20/07/2019 20:08

@pixielumos
Sorry but its attitudes like that that reinforce the idea that childcare is women's work. The OP has done all feeding singlehandedly for 10 weeks and just had to get on with it but now when she wants the child's father to participate, she shouldn't expect that he'll be able to figure it out himself, it should be a joint effort to teach the man how to tilt a bottle.

PixieLumos · 20/07/2019 20:16

@praiseyou well if it’s just a case of tilting a bottle then I guess all is well.

Sparky888 · 20/07/2019 20:25

Threaten to give up BF completely and tell him he has 6 night shifts a week (as small recompense for you actually growing his f*ing baby for 10 months). You’re right OP. He should step up.

Malyshek · 20/07/2019 20:28

My son has his own room now so I'd have to get up anyways. And before that he slept in his own bed so, again, I'd have had to get up.

Bottle feeding means I'm not the one who has to get up every single time, so that more than makes up for the extra effort when I do get up.

Also, I work, so ebf was never an option even if I'd wanted to. I'm single and wouldn't stop working even if I had a partner. Too jealous of my independance.

But hey, to each their own. To you breastfeeding is easier and that's perfectly legitimate. To me, bottle feeding is easier.

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