To find this aspect of American culture disturbing?

[vickygoneaway]

To find this aspect of American culture really fucking weird?

I am talking about the "daddy daughter" culture they have over there. Typically in the religous south. The idea that the father has autonomy of his daughter's body and her virginity, and that he decides who is appropriate for her to have sex with and at what age etc. I saw it when I was browsing an American forum, and there was a post where someone was asking if he was in the right. The post consisted of him saying his 15 year old daughter had recently got a boyfriend and asked to introduced him to her dad. The poster was horrified and went on about his "rules" and that she wasn't allowed to date anyone until she was 18 and that he was terrified of her losing her virginity. The whole thing was an uncomfortable read.

I myself have a 16 year old and while I expect her father to teach her that she deserves a man who respects her, treats her well etc and also set examples as to what that would look like, I'd be mortified if he went on about the things mentioned above. Another thing I've noticed in Americans is the "Look at me my daughter has a boyfriend and I've got a big rifle to intimidate him with if they have sex, even if it's consenual and they are both of age. Look how tough I am!". Again, I expect DD's dad (and I of course, but I'm discussing fathers) to protect her to a certain degree, if a boyfriend hits her etc. But it completely baffles me that a father would get so worked up over his teenage daughter's sex life. When our DD started with relationships etc, DH gave her advice but firmly didn't want to know about her sex life. She came to me to organise the pill and it was never a big deal.

It ties into the weird "daddy daughter dates" I've seen.

If you're wanting to spend one on one special time with your young DD why not just take her to the park? Or out for a treat? A picnic, or to a museum she likes etc. That would be lovely. Why in the bloody fuck does there have to be a romantic aspect do it? My husband took DD out often when she was little to the countryside to see the horses, often just the 2 of them for hours and they'd take picnics. I'd stay at home as we had another young baby. They also went to the cinema together lots. Neither of us would EVER think of calling it a "date". It was a dad spending time with his child.

Sorry about double title. Am on mobile

you do realise you are only talking about a very small section of their society?

Not sure how widespread the other stuff is and how much it goes beyond ‘normal’ protectiveness of daughters, but YADNBU about the ‘daddy daughter date’ thing. Bleurgh!!!

I don’t think this is American culture. The sex thing I’ve heard from controlling, macho men in the U.K, Ireland and France. It could happen in other countries too for all I know.

The dating thing sounds creepy but I think it could be a language thing. Americans also refer to ‘play dates’ for little kids and a ‘lunch date’ just means meeting someone (best mate, mum, group of friends) for lunch. The word date there seems to mean ‘appointment’ as often as it means anything potentially romantic or sexual.

You browse one American forum and from that you believe that it reflects American culture?

It sounds more like an extreme religious thing than an American thing.

This is definitely a small part of American culture. But also, many Americans aren’t comfortable with the idea of teenagers having a ‘sex life’ and I agree with that, certainly if they’re under 17.

RedTideBlues The sexist twat they voted in to office might also have influenced my opinion...

Typically in the religious south.

I've lived in the US Deep South most of my life. There is nothing "typical" about this. It's a very small fringe segment of fundamentalist Christian practice.

It’s not an American thing at all.

I don't think you need to go to the USA to find this culture. Growing up in N Ireland it was very common amongst girls I went to school with to not be allowed boyfriends or even male friends. I'm in my 40s now so it's a few years back but I still see the same attitude prevailing in younger religious families too.

What the hell!!!

That behavior is NOT American culture! How offensive.

I don't like the English culture of attacking people with machetes... How's that for stereotyping?

You are being completely ridiculous.

I’ve seen the daddy/daughter dances shared and I find these a bit odd.
@ameriann
You’re easily offended when your country has turned a blind eye to continual shootings by white men, so let’s not be so quick to judge.

Very common amongst British Asians as well

where ever it's happening it's creepy and doesn't sound healthy in any respect. some so called fathers are complete twats when they act like this around their daughters. it just makes me think of controlling and possible abuse.

I've seen /read some stuff about purity rings / purity balls which is along the same lines I think. Purity pledges? Usually dads and daughters.

Don't know how common, is a Christian usa thing afaik

Totally vomit inducing. It’s nice to know this isn’t that prevalent. As Americans are brought up in a more religious way than the brits I did wonder.

Traditional Italian culture too. Dh was very friendly with a couple of brothers. God did I feel sorry for their younger daughter. Things changed a for her to a certain extent when she was a bit older. The boys could sew their wild oats Til the cows came home.

YANBU to find these actions disturbing. It's beyond creepy when fathers or any men within a community act like they own the bodies of women. While not all dates are romantic, the imagery and tone used isn't normal.

YABU to call it American culture. It's not American culture, Southern culture, or even Evangelical culture. These are very specific communities. Plenty of religious southern Americans who are equally creeped out by this stuff.

If I judged British culture by who was voted into office, I'd be rightfully told to get my head out of my ass, but this shit predates Trump by a long shot. This was all going on during the Obama years too.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purity_ball

Yes I do find this very odd.

The attitude is not unusual but the formisation of it is I think.

Yank here. It's a religious fundamentalist thing, not an American thing.

British Asians do romantic daddy-daughter socials? They’re keeping it quiet ...

Wherever women are seen as property, where virginity equals family honour, men take an unhealthy interest in (preventing the) sex lives of their daughters, sisters, cousins.

This is in no way typical of American culture. It would be like saying you find forced arranged marriages a disturbing facet of British culture.

And before other US presidents

I've lived all over the US and I haven't met a single family that think like this.

Our local community services does do a father-daughter dance which is hilarious to watch. They do the conga and ridiculous line dances and stuff like that. There's not the slightest bit of romanticism to it.