To find this aspect of American culture disturbing?

[vickygoneaway]

To find this aspect of American culture really fucking weird?

I am talking about the "daddy daughter" culture they have over there. Typically in the religous south. The idea that the father has autonomy of his daughter's body and her virginity, and that he decides who is appropriate for her to have sex with and at what age etc. I saw it when I was browsing an American forum, and there was a post where someone was asking if he was in the right. The post consisted of him saying his 15 year old daughter had recently got a boyfriend and asked to introduced him to her dad. The poster was horrified and went on about his "rules" and that she wasn't allowed to date anyone until she was 18 and that he was terrified of her losing her virginity. The whole thing was an uncomfortable read.

I myself have a 16 year old and while I expect her father to teach her that she deserves a man who respects her, treats her well etc and also set examples as to what that would look like, I'd be mortified if he went on about the things mentioned above. Another thing I've noticed in Americans is the "Look at me my daughter has a boyfriend and I've got a big rifle to intimidate him with if they have sex, even if it's consenual and they are both of age. Look how tough I am!". Again, I expect DD's dad (and I of course, but I'm discussing fathers) to protect her to a certain degree, if a boyfriend hits her etc. But it completely baffles me that a father would get so worked up over his teenage daughter's sex life. When our DD started with relationships etc, DH gave her advice but firmly didn't want to know about her sex life. She came to me to organise the pill and it was never a big deal.

It ties into the weird "daddy daughter dates" I've seen.

If you're wanting to spend one on one special time with your young DD why not just take her to the park? Or out for a treat? A picnic, or to a museum she likes etc. That would be lovely. Why in the bloody fuck does there have to be a romantic aspect do it? My husband took DD out often when she was little to the countryside to see the horses, often just the 2 of them for hours and they'd take picnics. I'd stay at home as we had another young baby. They also went to the cinema together lots. Neither of us would EVER think of calling it a "date". It was a dad spending time with his child.

I wonder if the men, who were the most sexist, clueless about young females, horny, girl obsessed, pestering, wandering handed, twitterpatted yet sexually repressed or frustrated, teenage boys/young men; become the most paranoid, overprotective fathers..?

That was as creepy as fuck, the dad getting dressed for a date with his daughter and getting nervous, giving her flowers etc.

Yes, dads should spend time with daughters on a regular basis. Dressing up and calling it a date is creepy.

It's not just a daddy thing, both parents think they have right to dictate when their kids can "group date" and "solo date" plus the right to veto dates their feel aren't suitable through vetting. I was horrified. Chaperones are also part of religious lifestyles, crazy I know. Husbands ruling the roost are probably less common than once upon a time though.

Of course it happens here in the U.K. in some communities, the difference is that it's less mainstream

It’s nice to know this isn’t that prevalent. As Americans are brought up in a more religious way than the brits I did wonder.

Most American Christians are either in one of the mainstream Protestant denominations (48%) or Roman Catholic (23%).

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion_in_the_United_States

I'm an Episcopalian, the more progressive version of the C of E we have here. This type of thing is totally foreign to the vast majority of American church goers.

Ps I experienced this in a major liberal city not the Deep South, in other aspects of life they didn't seem like religious fundamentalists, they just thought their kids were their property, the silver ring thing and purity pledges were huge.

YADNBU. Have you heard about the chastity balls, OP? Totally fucked up. I think this culture us a by product of the far right, strongly religious aspect of America I.e. the Bible belt. The same element that gave rise to a fucked up president like Trump.

I think this is only a really really small minority but tbh I don't get why people think the UK and the UK have a special relationship - culturally and geographically I think we are much closer to European countries in lots of ways.

I feel a bit sorry for American people. They are always suspected of weird behaviour, when in fact every American person I have ever met (lots) has been a right laugh and not that different to us.

I always think parents sending Valentine’s cards to their kids is pretty weird but that tends to split opinion on here.

I am American. I have never heard of this. Must be as MissConductUS said above. Please don't lump all Americans together...please. There's some ~327 million of us.

That's not "all Americans " ffs. I have lots of American family of different ages. They wouldn't indulge in this batshittery.

I watched a documentary about purity rings, which seems to mainly be an American thing. It ended with the girls dancing with their fathers at a purity ball, it looked creepily romantic.

YABVU (and rather stupid, I'm afraid) to think that this is at all representative of American culture (including the much-maligned South). Yes, of course that "daddy date" thing is weird, but it's not at all a normal or typical example of American/Southern culture.

...That said, yes, in the American South it has been traditional for parents (not just fathers) to discourage teenagers (girls and boys) from having sex (for a variety of reasons ranging from religious belief to prevention of teenage pregnancy), but obviously that's not just an American or Southern thing.

Lol.

You do know that some Americans would be considered even more liberal than some British people? So many progressive rights movements began in America and America controls Hollywood which also has a big say in mainstream western culture throughout the world via movies and tv shows...

Anyways, yes people like this exist and it's not some sort of ominous way to claim a daughter as property. It stems from a religious belief that virginity should be saved until marriage and that young girls shouldn't need to seek male attention from random guys, but that their fathers are there to love, nurture, and protect them. I think a supportive father who is actively engaged in his daughter's life is not a bad thing even if others don't agree with the religious undertones of it. I don't see any reason to be up in arms for discouraging sex amongst teens who may not be mentally mature enough to deal with the emotional ramifications of it. Lots of teen boys (not all) just treat sex like a competition amongst their peers and the girl is left exploited, so I don't begrudge fathers who are protective over their daughters' mental well-being.

I have a British friend, living in California and married to a local. They are religious and he dates his daughter. He posts pictures on Facebook with him in a suit, her in a princessy dress, out at a restaurant having dinner. I find it super creepy. She's only 6. But then she's been wearing mascara and lipstick from quite a young age and is involved in the pageant scene too

Actually, perhaps it is a religious thing, because I have another friend, evangelical Christian, who dates his daughters in the same way, and he is not American and lives in Germany.

Not sure where I implied it was all Americans. Have only seen Americans do it though

The Daddy Date thing is simply where dad's spend quality time with their daughters. I think you are completely wrong.

You are calling it "American culture" in your opening question. It is actually based off of religion and just because there are religious Americans who do this, that does not mean that it is only Americans who do. You probably just don't know enough (or any, based on you randomly finding it on the internet) people who follow this religion.

I agree, and whilst I think it's a small subsection you're talking about here it permeates wider society to a lesser extent. Common jokes about how dads don't want their daughters to date, how they need to check out their boyfriends etc

Uncle Buck was terrible for that, the niece is shown to have no sexual desire or agency and needs rescuing from her boyfriend by uncle Buck who never once asks her what she wants or how she feels (although the writers show that he was quite right to assume she needed rescuing). I realise that's quite old now but it really bothered me!
More recently there's a bit in Spiderman Homecoming where Peter's prom date's father says he's going to 'have the talk' and the date rolls her eyes a bit but merrily skips off as if it's perfectly normal that the men would get together and talk about what is and isn't appropriate without her being there... (No spoilers for those that haven't seen it! I know the conversation is more complex, I'm talking about her perception of it!)

A friend of mine mentioned after first telling me his wife was pregnant ( 12 week scan) that he'd find it difficult if they had a girl as she would date teenage boys (he hadn't considered she might not be heterosexual ) and he remembered what teenaged boys thought about teenaged girls.

What really creeped me out was we had known each other as teenagers... He seemed perfectly normal and not sleazy at the time so either he was thinking fairly normal stuff like, "she's got nice tits, I wish I could have sex with her" Ok you might not want to feel on someone thinking that about a family member but hardly seems like a big issue to worry about years ahead of time...

Or he was thinking really weird nasty stuff about teenaged girls that was incredibly disrespectful and/or violent and keeping it hidden from his female friends.

I do think less of him for either one, I think it suggests a weird attitude to female sexuality, as if women who are thought of in a sexual way are degraded and damaged by it and can't stand up for themselves in that situation (perhaps because they would be tarnished by even being aware of it) but need men to do it for them

To add to the cultural question, this friend was non-religious, Caucasian and British. I've heard the same sentiment from a German friend as well so I don't think it's limited to Americans by any means. But it is perpetuated by some popular culture

You do know that some Americans would be considered even more liberal than some British people?

Yes, to this, especially some of the church-going ones. The US Episcopal Church solemnizes same sex marriage, unlike most of the rest of the Anglican Communion, which of course includes the Church of England.

Arrogant men wanting to control every aspect of their kid's lives is not restricted to Americans, or to Christians, or to fathers with daughters.

I lived in texas. It's a thing there. But not generalised throughout America.

YNBU to be concerned about this behaviour. But like many others have said, it’s not an American thing. It’s prevalent in all patriarchal society, which is pretty much the whole world.