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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that if your child leaving primary school is one of the hardest days of your life, you've had an easy life?

146 replies

Doyoumind · 20/07/2019 12:18

Don't get me wrong. I understand it's a day full of emotions. I just saw someone make this statement on SM and think it's overly dramatic. If that's the worst life has to throw at you, you must be blessed.

OP posts:
yorkshirecountrylass · 20/07/2019 13:55

Life isn't a competition. What is easy for you will be hard for someone else, and what is hard for you will be easy for someone else. My best friend's little boy has just finished reception and her anxiety at him going to KS1 is through the roof. She most definitely has not had an easy or blessed life. My son's teacher cried her way through their reception graduation and is one of the toughest people I know. If you have nothing kind to say just move along, just because it's on social media doesn't mean you have to interact with it.

transformandriseup · 20/07/2019 13:55

It’s all depends on what has gone before that moment. My friends eldest son was sadly hit by a car and died just before finishing year 6. It will most likely be bittersweet for her when her younger children reach the same milestone.

For others it’s just another day.

isitwhatitis · 20/07/2019 13:56

For all you know they have one child and wanted more but couldn't, that's going to make the leaving primary school harder for the parent but they need to keep it from affecting the child.

Ohyesiam · 20/07/2019 13:56

Leaders assembly was sad, but you know, moving on.

Kids are meant to grow up, parents are meant to work themselves out of the job.

HeadintheiClouds · 20/07/2019 14:03

Jacques. Flowers. That’s very tough.

Weepatchesoflove · 20/07/2019 14:03

@JacquesHammer Flowers

TheFirstOHN · 20/07/2019 14:03

Children leaving primary: it was a bit poignant, especially with the youngest, but barely affected me.

Eldest leaving for university: I thought I was going to be OK, and so I was surprised at how hard it was. It felt similar to bereavement. For the first week I felt physically ill, and it was three weeks before I felt normal.

Life events affect people differently, and you can't always predict how you're going to react.

RightYesButNo · 20/07/2019 14:05

YANBU. But people are different.

I had to delete Facebook. People were complaining about their husbands being gone on a safe business weekend when my husband was gone and in danger for nine months. People were complaining about having a cold when I was stuck in the hospital. And on and on. I realized I don’t want to be the person that judges their feelings as not being worth as much as mine (but I’d become it if I had to keep reading, so I deleted). My husband always reminds me that tragedy is personal, and he’s 100% correct.

But yes, the sooner you accept that tragedy is personal, the easier it is to deal with people. Some don’t cry even when a friend dies. Others cry when they get the wrong pizza toppings.

RevealTheLegend · 20/07/2019 14:09

I actually came on to say, be mindful of people who are NOT normally prone to making a fuss getting emotional.

I’ve found that since having a big bereavement that the most innocuous, supposedly joyful occasions can sideswipe me. Even years later. I don’t ever discuss the actual bereavement. But sometimes an apparently unconnected event will be a proxy for all that unspeakable grief.

Same for those who get overly emotional about a celebrity death. Sometimes it isn’t what is seems at first sight.

Siameasy · 20/07/2019 14:10

Social media-everything is dramatised to make for exciting reading and it seems to be infecting daily life. The ultimate goal is attention though. Said person for whatever reason wants attention.
We have a colleague (male, late 20s) for whom everything is “OMG” “FFS” “NO!!!!” And an exaggerated facial expression to go with it-bug eyes, jaw hanging down.
Notice it on here too-people are “incredibly rude”, someone who raised their voice is “abusive” etc etc...

Fraggling · 20/07/2019 14:13

I've not heard this comment.

What is bad about it? Why would a child leaving primary be the hardest day of a parents life?

Surely it's a happy /sad type thing? Happy memories, time to move on?

I genuinely don't get it! The worst days of my life have been when I've had really bad news or been in terrible pain for some reason. How is finishing primary school like that?!

voddiekeepsmesane · 20/07/2019 14:15

One of the hardest days for me was leaving DS at 4 into the care of the schooling system, him leaving primary was a joyous occasion it meant he was finally free of the bullies that had hounded him for 7 years, secondary school has been the making of him.

I too dread when he will leave for university in a few years time. He is my one and only so life will be very different when he is gone Sad

Parttimewasteoftime · 20/07/2019 14:24

Not been there yet but as a very over emotional person sure I will cry when DS leaves. He goes to an amazing small school and has been with the same class since pre school.
Worst day of life no but I think it's completely normal to see it as the end of an era and mark it if you wish.

LadyRannaldini · 20/07/2019 14:34

Let's be honest, there are a lot of people on here who spend their lives looking to be 'offended' or 'traumatised' about something, it apparently makes them a better parent to others of the same kind! Yes, it's a milestone but the 'hardest day of my life' is one of those performance responses.
A friend who was a school secretary used to say that on the day children started school there were two types of parents, the ones who had to be thrown/winked out then sat in the foyer sobbing all morning and the ones who walked out of the Infants' area, came through the swing doors and leapt in the air, delighted! The latters' children tended to settle far more quickly.

endofthelinefinally · 20/07/2019 14:35

YANBU.
Some of these people should stop and consider those who have real sadness in their lives.

ContactLight · 20/07/2019 14:38

One of the hardest days of my life was coming home from school and being met by my uncle at the door to tell me my dad had just died.

Another was holding my mum's hand as she passed away.

Add their funerals, and those of several other family members.

Add the sudden death of my best friend in an accident when I was 13.

So no, my dc leaving primary school wasn't the hardest day of my life by a long shot.

YANBU.

DrCoconut · 20/07/2019 14:46

Haven't read the full thread due to time but DS2 left infants last year. People were blowing it up into a massive drama, crying at leaver's assembly etc and while it is a bit emotional to see your baby growing up I couldn't help thinking of the memorial in the school garden to a little boy who died while a pupil there. I bet his parents would have given anything to be at the leaver's stuff. I realise that it's not a race to the bottom with feelings but a bit of perspective can be valuable.

bookmum08 · 20/07/2019 15:03

hashtag if it wasn't for people like me being 'overly invested' then your children wouldn't ever go on school trips because there wouldn't be enough adults. No Xmas or summer fairs. No second hand uniform sales. No extra reading helpers or help at special craft days. No water or oranges as sports day.
Or the 101 other things that a school volunteer does.
I was a Primary school volunteer. Not sure why that's an 'over investment'.

Fraggling · 20/07/2019 15:08

Bookmum those who don't think their dc leaving primary school is the worst day of their lives are, what exactly? Selfish you think or lazy or something?

Erythronium · 20/07/2019 15:09

You have no idea what this person's life is like so yes YABU. Trying to get strangers to judge them is unpleasant as well.

formerbabe · 20/07/2019 15:12

Sadly several children in my dcs class have lost parents. I had to hold back the tears during the graduation ceremony when I thought of them missing that moment.

Fraggling · 20/07/2019 15:14

I don't even see what about finishing primary school can be that bad that it's the worst of your life.

Emotional, end of era, sure.

Worst day of your life though?

Fraggling · 20/07/2019 15:16

Do they have graduation ceremonies at some primaries now?

Ours had a leavers assembly. They did a play.

It was not the worst day of my life.

HairyFloppins · 20/07/2019 15:16

I think the schools make it a far bigger issue than it needs to be. Proms, countdowns, hoodies which then leaves the kids in buckets of tears on the last day.

When I left primary in 1992 there was none of this. We sang one more step along the world we go, had a pat on the back and moved on.

My youngest left primary last year, it gave me a lump in my throat to see how much they have all grown. But life goes on.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/07/2019 15:21

YANBU
Dds friend a few weeks ago was going on about how devastated she is when her mum is tired / ill and takes a few days of work. Yet my dd doesn’t remember me being well. Since the age of 3 she has been able to see when I am shattered, possibly about to collapse and is constantly on high alert whenever I have a good day and take her out. I’ve had two major surgeries in the past 13 months. She was so stressed about it that she had seizures in hospital both times so I had to deal with that on top of preparing for surgery the first time and just post surgery the second.

She has just left yr6 primary and cried on the last evening once in bed. But the amount of parents banging on about how they weren’t looking forward to the last day was incredibly eye rolling. I totally agree with you op. I wasn’t looking forward to struggling to look after my dd for the 6 1/2 week holiday because I really struggle.

Some of these adults have both parents alive and well and don’t have health problems themselves. In consequence they actually don’t know what a difficult situation is.

bookmum
That’s great you were able to do it. I was unfortunately not due to poor health although I would love to have been able to. This isn’t what op is talking about.