To think I've got the most batshit neighbours?

[MrsGaryLightbody]

I'm gobsmacked...

History of next door is one letter through my door a month or so ago to ask if I would trim my rose bush in back garden as it's grown 8.5 inches above the fence and they can now see it. It's a five foot fence. but I did new ( me) neighbourly thing and trimmed it.

This morning there's a note through door again from them , letting me know that they are going to contact the RSPSA and dog warden ( is there such a thing) and report me . A list of complaints were then listed .
These include, letting puppy howl all night, leaving pup alone all day to howl. Letting pup wee against same place on fence , which apparently seeps through and is damaging their vegetables. They are fed up with me shouting at puppy. They don't like the name I've chosen.
They then go on to say they apologise for not stopping to give me a lift ( rural bus service) but they saw I had pup in my bag and didn't want it in their car. But they will be writing a stern letter to the bus company to complain that people shouldn't be allowed on buses with dogs as it's a health hazard.

I'm not sure whether to reply by writing ... or just shout through the letter box that I don't have a ducking dog!! I never have and I don't have any pets. The neighbours either side of me and them have cats. They have cats.

Just what I need ! Should I ignore?

Fox or badger sex most likely, but still doesn't address the name issue.

I can't wait to see what comes out of this. Do dog wardens even exist? I suppose it would be no problem if they didn't as the dog in question doesn't either.
Stay safe, OP, they sound bananas.

This is my favourite story I’ve ever read on here, I can’t wait to hear what they say when you speak to them!

Get a recording of a dog barking, and set it play on repeat every time you leave the house.

The only thing I can think of is the neighbour for the wrong house. But then saw it’s a row of 4 houses and the only pets in your street are cats
Does one of the neighbours’ cats identify as a dog, maybe? Howls and barks instead of meowing? This has baffled me.
I’m intrigued to see how the OP’s neighbours respond.

Badgers and foxes have noisy sex? - and hedgehogs! They sound like a dying man.......groaning and moaning.

We have the lot in our garden.

BykerBykerOoh

Found your neighbour OP!

Log it. 101 def.

To those asking, yes dog wardens do exist. Probably not as many as there used to be given council spending cuts.

I wouldn't go round to explain anything if it were me. OP has nothing to explain.

Leave them to it and if they keep sending notes I keep them and tell them if they keep bothering you you're going to make a complaint to the police about them.

And don't be forced to trim your rose bush.

Was it actually you they saw at the bus stop?

And is your house haunted by a phantom puppy?

do you swear a lot, OP? do they perhaps think you own a dog named motherFUCK, or douchenozzle?

i would also review the volume at which you sing along to the radio, as it clearly has a tone reminiscent of ‘abandoned dog’.

or, they’re just mental. you can’t legislate for mental.

This is crazy-hilarious OP!

I do think you should be careful with this one and nip it in the bud. I suspect they are doing this to "mark their territory" and show you what they will be like if you do get a dog or play loud music, etc.. Its a way of them showing you what they won't tolerate. The comments about not giving you a lift because you had a dog in a bag are so strange that the reasoning must be to justify their thinking that you do have a dog so as to make it seem less unreasonable. e.g. police get involved. They claim you have a dog that barks. Police say they're unreasonable. Ah, they say, but we saw Mrs Lightbody out walking that day and we were going to give her a lift, and then we saw her with her dog in her bag! And while you can prove you don't have a dog, its almost impossible to prove that you didn't once go out walking with a dog in a bag, or carrying something that might reasonably have been mistaken for a dog in a bag.

Since that's their game, I would send them a strict recorded delivery letter stating that they are harassing you by making wild and unfounded accusations against you, and to cease and desist or you will report their harassment to the police. Of course you are not going to report this nonsense to the police, but they don't know that, and if does continue, you have put a record of it in writing from the start.

This EXACT thing happened on Reddit, except it was the landlord accusing someone of having a dog. Turned out the landlord had a brain tumor.

The first post: www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9spqbh/ny_im_being_evicted_for_violating_my_apartments/

The update: www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/aqqoys/update_my_landlord_thought_i_had_a_dog_named/

Placemarking ❤️

Smuggling badgers would be an excellent euphemism

Best CF neighbours thread ever, well done OP!

Do let them know you don’t have a dog but not before finding out the names they object to, just in case you do get a dog in the future.

Please update us!

do you swear a lot, OP?

That's a good point. Perhaps when you swear you sound like you're barking.

I'm suspect I can sound quite barky when I swear.

I'm back... spoke to lovely neighbour other side and asked if she'd heard my imaginary dog .. don't think I explained well as she slightly backed away. Anyway after I showed her the note and explained that now I live by myself I'm a little worried.. she said she too had notes when they first moved in.. she said she's tried to talk to them but there's no arguing with stupid and best to ignore.

I can't do that ... it would eat away at me .. so I'm going in... wish me luck.

Best of British OP

I’m reading your posts and laughing but there’s a little part of me thinking I may soon be posting as I too have new neighbours that are already demonstrating signs of batshittery.

Good luck OP

If it even WAS the OP that the twitty neighbours saw (assuming they’re not making shit up), OP probably had a loaf of bread in her bag, or something vaguely “dog-coloured...”
I am predicting that these neighbours are going to be a pain in the neck...