To think I've got the most batshit neighbours?

[MrsGaryLightbody]

I'm gobsmacked...

History of next door is one letter through my door a month or so ago to ask if I would trim my rose bush in back garden as it's grown 8.5 inches above the fence and they can now see it. It's a five foot fence. but I did new ( me) neighbourly thing and trimmed it.

This morning there's a note through door again from them , letting me know that they are going to contact the RSPSA and dog warden ( is there such a thing) and report me . A list of complaints were then listed .
These include, letting puppy howl all night, leaving pup alone all day to howl. Letting pup wee against same place on fence , which apparently seeps through and is damaging their vegetables. They are fed up with me shouting at puppy. They don't like the name I've chosen.
They then go on to say they apologise for not stopping to give me a lift ( rural bus service) but they saw I had pup in my bag and didn't want it in their car. But they will be writing a stern letter to the bus company to complain that people shouldn't be allowed on buses with dogs as it's a health hazard.

I'm not sure whether to reply by writing ... or just shout through the letter box that I don't have a ducking dog!! I never have and I don't have any pets. The neighbours either side of me and them have cats. They have cats.

Just what I need ! Should I ignore?

If your rural would it be a wolf or other animal they are hearing?
That doesn't explain them hearing the name though

Can you please live stream the conversation about the non-existent dog. I could do with a good laugh.

Please OP!

Well, you might as well get a puppy now - no point in taking the flak without enjoying the fun.

That's very odd. I can't even imagine what they might be mistaking for a dog barking.

This is hilarious 😂

Although just be careful if you go round OP they sound unhinged.

Are you sure the note is from them? Could another neighbour, or kids even, have done it out of mischief/other bizarre reason? I would definitely try to speak to them face-to-face.

(but if they admit is them, please do ask what the dogs name is! )

OP. I know this could be 'outing' but are you a Werewolf? Could explain the howling and peeing up against the fence?

Go round, show them his picture and inform them.

He is NOT a puppy

There is no bag into which he would fit. If there was you would need a fork lift to get it off the ground.

He doesn’t howl but gives a very distinctive low, menacing growl before he kills. If they ever hear this they should make a swift exit.

What is wrong with the name Lucifer? Your hellhound, your choice. Get over it.

If they wish to phone the RSPCA by all means go ahead but Lucifer has an uncanny sixth sense when trouble is heading his way and immediately summons minions of the Anti-Christ. The result is never nice and never pretty.

Can you still get those wired leads they had in the 80’s for walking your ‘invisible dog’?!?

It is the peeing up the fence that is weird - it HAS to be from your property as far as they are concerned - so there is no mistake over which house is causing the problem. But WHAT is causing the problem is more interesting. Do you live on your own? Are you shouting at someone in the house (or just shouting random names if you live on your own?)

We should try to think of objectionable dog names.
Furry little shit.
Barky bastard.

Go knock on their door , letter in hand, say sorry to ask but did you send this...
When they say yes, ask them for f they would mind coming into your house...
Then ask them can they explain about the dog, as you don't have one and your confused....
When they argue, say your as confussed by it as they are...can they quickly knock and come round next time they think the dog is home....

DO you have a son who pees up the fence in the same place every day?

If it's a note written with errors, get a red pen, correct it and re-post it, we did this a couple of times with a really thick neighbour, she soon stopped! You should not have trimmed the rose bush, it doesn't matter if they can see it! They are alowed to trim anything hanging over their side but that's all. Plant some fast growing shrubs with long thorns, berberis is a good choice!

Do you have a son. ?
Is he peeing on the fence and barking.
Or could it be your husband.?

I think you may well have just discovered why the previous residents of your house moved, OP. Although this is hilarious, you really need to nip their behaviour in the bud or I fear you’ve more nonsense heading your way. For a start, I’d think about raising the fence between you, so they can’t see over.

Jeezo, they sound like they need some help. Who sends a latter claiming a neighbour has a dog in their bag.

I'd have to go through a charade with an imaginary dog and soak the fence 😂

They are suffering from a rare form of tinnitus, or they are being haunted and need an exorcist!
They could be taking some form of illegal substance and are hallucinating!
It could be all three or they are just batshit!

Shameless placemarking. I need to hear how this pans out. So bizarre

How weird!

Did they actually pass you when you were waiting for the bus and if so was there anything doglike sticking out of your bag that could have caused them to think you were carrying an actual dog?

Brilliant!
Please report back when you’ve spoke to them 🤣🤣

That's totally bizarre
Would love to know the dog name too!

Also shamelessly placemarking. This is mad! And hilarious (although not for you OP, sorry...)

i can't wait for an update, i'm hooked