To think people who have never suffered poor MH don't have a fucking clue?

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I get that this probably applies to all manner of circumstances but MH is the one I'm familiar with.

I recently got an absolute roasting on here, was told I was failing my kids, accused of being a troll, had my account suspended etc.

Am I alone in thinking people with good MH take it for granted and are somewhat lacking in empathy for those of us less fortunate?

@MissingTheMissletoe
I think I owe you an apology, I got completely the wrong end of the stick with your first post.
I admit I haven't read the previous thread, and from your first post it sounded as though you were saying that you shouldn't get any understanding when MH conditions influence (for want of a better term) your behaviour. This is a very touchy subject for me as I was told throughout my childhood that I was just attention seeking, when I genuinely believed I was never good enough. Now I've looked back and heard a few other people's implications about the OP, I've realised what you were originally saying and I completely agree with you, MH issues might mean you need understanding but they don't give you license to be a bitch.

Oh wow it's THAT poster.

I'd never presume to tell a cancer patient how to act,

Oh believe me, people do. All the time. Well done on not being one of them, but it happens all the time.

If I had a pound for the number of times my husband and I were told to "be positive" (despite an unequivocal terminal diagnosis)...

They can't possibly understand if they haven't experienced it. I used to be the same until I started with panic, anxiety and depression - it just hadn't entered my sphere of thought and I couldn't imagine what it would be like

I only saw the first few pages of the other thread but the OP was blatantly being trolled by certain usual suspects.

As the mother of a beloved daughter who is recovering from a serious, life threatening, mental
Illness (very severe anorexia) I agree with you.

We had to deal with comments like “I’d just make her eat”, “they don’t have anorexia in countries where people are starving”, “isn’t she better yet, it’s been months”, “can’t she see how upset its making everyone”.

The idea that somehow someone with a mental illness can just stiffen up their lip and will themselves better is prevalent and very damaging.

@DrPeppersPhD no apology needed, I think I don’t always say what I mean clear enough the first time round!

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood that’s truly awful, I’m sorry you’ve been met with that attitude. I hope both you and your daughter are ok

I'd never presume to tell a cancer patient how to act,

Oh, believe me, people do! It's also now a very common belief that people cause their own cancer, all of them, via 'lifestyle', they must have brought it on themselves, even children, via the parents' actions.

OP - YANBU.

If you are using MH a an excuse, what the hell is Mistletoe’s excuse for the vileness of her posts?

But suffering one type of MH problem doesn't give you an insight into all types of MH disorder.

There are very few of us who have not been touched in some way by MH issues either personally or someone we love.

I have struggled with anxiety, that has given me no insight into a familly member who is struggling with depression, or friends I have with bipolar.
So YABU.

You don't need to have your own MH challenges to have empathy.

I have fluctuating poor mental and physical health. I have had MH issues since I was 7 (traumatic event). I have had physical health issues since I was 22. The amount of times I've been told by medics and family that if they could just "sort out" the physical problems then my MH would be restored..,

@MissingTheMissletoe
Oh that is a a problem I have often! I've accidentally ended up in a lot of arguments because I wasn't clear what I was saying.

I have never had any MH issues - so, whilst I try hard to empathise - sometimes it is difficult to relate, tbh.

I have an RL friend who has been on ADs since getting divorced 12 years ago. I am a supportive friend, honest, but there is a voice in my head saying "ffs pull yourself together, stop being a victim and move on".

I know, of course, that there is more to it - just saying it is hard to relate fully if you genuinely haven't had the issue yourself.

My friend is a drama llama, sometimes - but it is me he calls when the police are round his house and they are thinking about taking some action or other.

It's not easy, whatever your experience is.

I reported one of the nasty posts aimed at you on that thread. People were awful.

I mean this with genuineness and kindness but you need support in managing your emotions. One thing I’ve learned is that I cannot control people’s behaviour but you can control your reactions.

I'd never presume to tell a cancer patient how to act

I wish they didn't! But all sorts of people do. They look at you like you're the devil for eating a burger and don't stop to think that your weight loss is a massive problem and that you haven't eaten for 5 days. Or like you should be running a marathon when leaving the sofa feels like one sometimes.

People are judgemental twats sometimes! Cancer attracts that sadly.

YA definitely NBU!

"People don't post abuse simply because you say you have MH issues. There must have been way more to it."

Actually I've seen EXACTLY that happen on mn and other online forum (and yes I do report but it's not always deleted)

What many of you are describing is sympathy, not empathy

"I don't know about there being a stigma about mental health" there absolutely is! Try having a DX and dealing with anything from employment, to housing to relationships even to the Nhs (try getting non visible symptoms of a physical ailment taken seriously if you have a mh DX!)

Mental illness is very much one of those things you cannot truly understand unless/until you personally experience it. Like parenthood, other chronic illness, homelessness etc

"I get what you are saying, but I also have a problem with people using their mental illness as a get-out clause constantly." Perfectly illustrates op's point actually. You don't "get it" at all!

"But are you sure you were "roasted"?" Yet another example of the the stigma/discrimination/lack of understanding - mentally ill =/= stupid!

"Are you sure..." In relation to how we mental illness sufferers experience life has come to be a much hated phrase!

This thread is very illuminating about certain posters.

YANBU.

Some people are so nasty here. I think they get a kick out of bullying on AIBU, and it doesn't happen the same way on other internet forums. This place is so fucking toxic sometimes. I have seen so much nuanced racism it's disgusting and this is on a forum in a country with hate speech laws! Wtf? Anyways I'm going a bit off topic but I wanted to let you know there are far too many 4chan types here that are going to abuse unsuspecting people with mental health issues, disability, being black, being foreign, being Irish, being a traveller etc etc. Their abuse is wrapped in a package of faux naiveté so a blind eye is turned. This site needs to get rid of a large number of abusers, or I don't see it lasting much longer before something goes seriously wrong and it is found liable imo.

Anyways I just wanted to say I understand what you're saying and it's not right. It's not right to get abuse just because you post on AIBU. I'm sorry that happened to you.

It would be difficult for them to understand though I imagine. I had it my own experience and even years later I just can't find the words to describe it.

Thank you Missing. My daughter is very much better now. Recovery properly established. I should say we also encountered patience and empathy along the way too. But not everyone ‘gets’ it. I have posted on here a few times about her illness and always received kindness too.

As a person with life long MH problems - albeit not a personality disorder- we are not immune to being actual dickheads sometimes, and it took me a long time to separate the two.

Yes, a bit of sympathy would be nice sometimes, but there are different levels of sympathy and different levels of unacceptable behaviour. If your behaviour is unacceptable you often still need to be told. Especially if it is severely unacceptable.

I don't want a constant get out of jail free card. It would demean me as an actual person - separate to whatever issues I have.

@MyGastIsFlabbered I havent read the full thread but just had to respond to you - I have had a slating on MN - more than once - have had my version of events undermined and disbelieved and told I have an unhealthy obsession with my X - no my X is a cunt and continues to be a cunt - I tried to defend myself - got told I needed to take a break - I did not want a break but my account was suspended anyway - I suffer with depression - which somehow translates as I must be making it all up or deluded - I only wish I was!

I think it really difficult to expect people to truly understand the ramifications of MH. The same with most things in life, however I do think people should be kinder to each other as you never really know what is going on in someone's life.

I have experienced the effect of MH problems within a family, and it completely opened my eyes. I can admit before I experienced it, I thought I had a basic understanding, but when it actually happens you can never really know what the effects are.

But i would also say it's the same with loss and bereavement. You never really know that pain until it actually happens to you, you can be sympathetic and think you get it, but you really don't.

Yanbu. Most people can empathise but thats not the same as understanding.