To think people who have never suffered poor MH don't have a fucking clue?

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I get that this probably applies to all manner of circumstances but MH is the one I'm familiar with.

I recently got an absolute roasting on here, was told I was failing my kids, accused of being a troll, had my account suspended etc.

Am I alone in thinking people with good MH take it for granted and are somewhat lacking in empathy for those of us less fortunate?

I'm with you op, I think people could do with being a bit kinder and gentler in general, both on mn and in wider society.

People are so quick to stick the boot in. I didn't see your thread, but in my experience people are quick to see the worst in your reasoning and motivations without trying to take a moment to understand where you're coming from.

YANBU
Some people might be good at helping out or understanding. Some people are terrible at it.
But nobody can understand what hell it is.
My DH, for instance, has been told and explained by MH professionals, he still thinks I should be able to live and be nice and happy and engage with others.
He has no clue.
Nobody does. So I now keep it to myself until one day I am gone.
I referred myself to MH services and they just sent me an email with a support place. I know this place, it offers no support and it is actually closing next week.
Nobody gets it. Unless they have suffered it.
You only need to look at some posts or replies here.

YABU. You’re making the assumption that those who don’t sympathies with you don’t have mental health issues themselves - it could even be part of the reason why they seem to not ‘have a fucking clue’. And plenty of people who you suppose don’t have mental health issues (and I reckon most have at some point or will at some point, however mild or serious) will know someone who has. And even if they don’t, it doesn’t mean thy can’t sympathise.

@ihatethecold

I have suffered from bipolar disorder my whole life.

There is also such a thing as people using the excuse of mental illness as a get out of jail card for all sorts of behaviour. And I am not saying by people who don't genuinely have a mental illness - just that it is not always the reason for everything.

I was just putting another point of view. Not disagreeing with the OP. I have lived a long life and come across many different people. Just like with mentally healthy people, there are some nice and some not so nice people with mental illness.

Exhibit A
I get what you are saying, but I also have a problem with people using their mental illness as a get-out clause constantly.

I also have a problem with people using their mental illness as a get-out clause constantly.

Get out of what?

I get what you mean about a 'get out clause'...how many threads do we see on MN about a cheating partner blaming it on depression.

As I said previously, I just wish everyone would be a bit kinder and gentler. None of us really know what's going on for a person and kicking the boot in is never helpful is it? Regardless of health, mental or otherwise.

OMG: there is such a thing as someone who is mentally ill who isn't quite as wonderful as someone else with mental illness. And there are some mentally well people who are absolutely wonderful to the mentally ill. As there are some who aren't.

For the second time: I am not some prejudiced ignorant idiot: I have lived a lifetime with a severe mental illness. And a huge amount of my family have as well.

Exactly, MyGastIsFlabbered, and generally abusive people who will use mental illness. They might be a small minority, but they do exist!

I’m sure most people with MH issues don’t use their illness as a ‘get out clause’ but surely it’s very naive to think no one does this - if a physical illness can be overplayed or even feigned then so can mental illnesses.

I am sorry if I diverted this thread. I just thought it worth pointing out in passing. I didn't think it would be so contentious...

It’s very difficult to truly understand or empathise when you’ve never experienced anything. Another example might be the bubble that financially comfortable people live in - I have no idea how it must feel to truly live hand to mouth. I’ve had money issues but I’ve always had food and shelter.

I try to be kind but sometimes it’s hard to say the right thing as you’ve not got that background, so use your own experiences to offer advice.

I guess there's a difference between using your own experience to offer advice, and telling someone who is obviously troubled that they are a disgrace, and that they are failing their children. That's not helpful and it really upset me. Maybe I need to be a bit more resilient in future but I do believe there is a small element of people who get some sort of kick out of putting others down. Maybe they need to put others down to feel better about themselves, I don't know; as I said I just wish everyone would be a bit kinder...I know I intend to try and take my own advice.

@DrPeppersPhD yes I didn

I agree to a point. I seem to not have any real problems. I am almost 60 and I dont think that life owes me anything. I have read ihatethecold about the bullying, why do you allow it?

Did*

@MissingTheMissletoe Your post is confusing. Your DSis is okay when you can’t handle going out, but everyone else can and should be told if they’re being a twat? What if you totally ruined your sisters day by refusing to go out? That makes you a twat too, regardless of MH according to your own post.

I am really sorry to hear about your poor mental health op. I have suffered as have many people close to me - 2 close family members have been ill for years in fact. But are you sure you were "roasted"? Mumsnet can be a bit much at times, on the other hand is there a chance you have overreacted and it is your illness that is causing you to feel you have been treated badly?

MissingTheMistletoe I'm slightly confused, you say your sister is supportive when you can't face going outside...surely in a way that's 'cutting you a break', surely someone less supportive would tell you to suck it up and get on with it? I'm not for an instant saying that's what I think you should do, because I don't know what it is to be you, but why's it different for you and not for me?

I think most people soffer with something in life - be that health, family, work or other things. You have no idea what others are going through so we should all be a bit kinder where we can and less bothered when others don’t give us some slack/ extra consideration... because trey may also be suffering he selves in some way.

In answer to the title question: YES. They generally don't understand. Maybe they do if they have experience with someone close to them or are particularly empathetic but on the whole they don't get it.

Nextphone maybe, I have EUPD which basically means I overreact to everything. But honestly on a thread that started out about something completely unrelated I was told I needed to 'woman up', that I was a disgrace, that it was unbelievable I could make so many errors of judgement so quickly that I must be a troll, that I was failing my children, that I was screwing my children up etc etc. All of it very unkind and uncalled for, especially after I accepted I'd fucked up majorly and intended to work on making a bad situation right. But still people waded in saying all manner of unpleasant things. MN agreed to remove the thread which I know they don't undertake lightly. The whole thing made me very sad, and I wonder if these keyboard vigilantes actually think for one minute about the impact their words have. I think in these days of the internet it's a bit too easy to forget it's a living, breathing person at the other end of the screen.

YABU to make such a sweeping generalisation. There are people who’ve supported me when they didn’t have a mental health problem themselves. You don’t have to sympathise to empathise.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, OP. I'm also sorry that some Mumsnetters took such a hard line with you and that this upset you. But in the end it's just a website, and these people are strangers to you. I'd file this one away with the small stuff.

There are a good many people who haven't experienced a good many situations - child loss and miscarriage being one example - who have caused a good number of people I know, and me personally, additional suffering through dismissiveness and unwillingness to speak about it because it makes them uncomfortable. Never mind that they're not the ones carrying the grief with them every hour of every day. Some people are not able to show empathy. This isn't true of everyone, and you don't have to have experienced this kind of pain yourself to be supportive to someone else who has.

There's also a problem in conflating mental illness with mental health. They're not necessarily the stark opposites they appear, and while so much attention is being given to the current trend for talking about mental health, unfortunately those who are genuinely ill and need help are at risk of slipping through the net.

OP: I make this suggestion in the gentlest way possible. If you want to nurture your mental health I don't think taking this kind of confrontational attitude will help. It's probably going to make you stressed and upset if you don't receive the answers you wanted, and if people 'don't have a fucking clue', then they're not going to get one through being told as much.

to you and anyone else who is struggling.