Family think I'm bad for leaving child at school 10mins before door opens

[pointbla]

I take my year 4 child early 10 mins before the school doors open and leave him there. I have another child to take to another school. He's 9 , I see no problem with it , other children are there too. Also, I don't regularly do that just occasionally.
My family seem to think this is very bad and I am putting my child at risk as the kids mess about. AIBU?

When

Ha ha
They played in the street or went off elsewhere to do that.

It's interesting to read how many different set ups schools have. And how rigid and agitated some MNs get at when they are only narrowly understanding it from their specific school set up & environment.

We live in large residential are, it's very normal in our specific area schools set up for KS2 upwards (age 8) to wait outside school without parents or formal supervision for up 5-15 mins, to wait for doors to open or after school waiting for a lift . Many parents will wait too but half DC would be on their own.

So YANBU OP, plenty of parents do this and it's a no-brainer when you have another child at different school to drive to. Fortunate it's only 10 mins early to make both journeys!

OP did not say anything about playground or expecting school staff to supervise.

At our school Only KS1 have access to or go through playground for drop off and pick up. It's locked and only opened for KS1 (7& under) secure drop offs and must have parent to see them in and out.

KS2s are different they wait in area that's outside school (not a playground but by front of school not on a road, has no car access). Many KS2s here walk to /from school without parents (with friends ) plenty of walkways and cycleways here. There is an overflow park and drop 7 mins walk away - children cross a road 😮😊 (albeit a pedestrian crossing)

I laughed at the "you must use breakfast club for 10 mins OP!!"...
Breakfast club places are very scarce at our school & several other local schools with long waiting list and you give up a place (not ask for one!) if you only need 10 mins at age KS2 upwards ! Our breakfast club is for those needing 7:15-8am start (so 1&1/2 hours to 45 mins use at least that it provides!!) as your child can simply stand outside waiting for door to open. (Not as many mums on school hour contracts here. )

It's interesting the difference set ups isn't it and it's about what school set up is for OP and her perception of risks.

I swear sometimes MNet is another planet to me. How are parents meant to work if they have to ferry their kids to the playground and stay with them until school bell? Until what, secondary school? I suppose they are all driven there as well. No wonder kids are all so overweight and helpless.

School holidays here and loads of ferel children out playing it is nice to see.

herculepoirot2

*I am still his responsible adult, should anything happen. He’ll have instructions to come home, or tell someone else where he lives, and I will come and get him.
*
So expect a person who lives near you, or someone walking buy, to take initial responsibility if your child were to hurt themself, and bring th home?

I swear sometimes MNet is another planet to me.

clearly, because some schools have different rules than yours, so it must be another planet

For a 4yo that is very unreasonable.

It would be fine to drop the 9yo off first early - a 9yo is generally sensible enough to wait alone for a few minutes. I have done that occasionally with a 9yo when I had a train to catch 3 minutes after the school gate opens.

Abandoning a 4yo unsupervised is really wrong. Whilst she probably won't come to any harm, that will be entirely due to the kindness of other adults waiting at the gate keeping an eye on her. They will be regarding you as a CF. If there was any kind of incident then the question of who and where is the adult responsible for this child would make you look very very bad OP.

A 9 year old alone for 10 minutes is an age appropriate risk and if in unlikely situation something did go wrong, yes I would EXPECT someone to help, as part of their responsibility of being a decent human and member of society

He’s not alone. Drop the emotive exaggeration for a moment and look at what is actually happening. Yes, the OP is expecting others to take responsibility for her child, but she won’t let him just walk to school. Why not, if random strangers can reasonably be relied on (as you are implying) to step up and parent for her? Here’s my theory: the OP doesn’t expect this of strangers. She knows perfectly well that strangers might or might not help her child. But she is expecting it of his teachers, before the start of their working day, and other parents, who have their own children to look after and haven’t done the same thing she is doing, so yes, that’s cheeky.

Abandoning a 4yo unsupervised is really wrong.

No one is abandoning a 4 year old...

Fossil
RTFT he is 9 not 4!

You would have the vapours if you moved round here, kids all outside all summer, off on bikes, making dens, climbing trees quick call SS!

Same here and also (clutches pearls) learning to sort their own disagreements out independently, without mum or dad hovering over them.

So expect a person who lives near you, or someone walking buy, to take initial responsibility if your child were to hurt themself, and bring th home?

No. The risk I am willing to take with my 9 year old is that that won’t happen, and I would have to notice him missing and call the police. That’s the point. My child. My responsibility. My risk. The OP is taking no risk. She is leaving her child somewhere with adults (teachers) on site, even though she has no permission to do so, because she knows they have a duty of care. She is taking the piss.

So expect a person who lives near you, or someone walking buy, to take initial responsibility if your child were to hurt themself, and bring th home?

So you are never letting your child out of your sight, ever, in case some freak accident happens?

Completely depends on whats happening for those ten mins, but if the kid is alone without supervising adult yabu. I ve heard of more than one incident of suspicious character hanging around school grounds (school is secure etc but still). Stranger danger is overblown, in my opinion. But schools can be places of interest for adults you wouldnt be happy talking to your child

VVU, irresponsible and unfair...

So what is she supposed to do about getting the second child to school on time? Pick up one of those handy time turner things from Harry Potter like all the responsible parents? I really don't know, because back in my day siblings just went to the same school. We didn't have the issue of pondering how to splice yourself in half to be in two places at once.

@herculepoirot2 you're labouring this point in denial that the likelihood of the child needing help is vanishingly small. It's ten minutes in a fenced-in space with his friends! Not a crack den.

AudacityOfHope

I haven’t denied that.

She is taking the piss.

She really isn't. He is standing/playing in a playground for 10 minutes before school she is not expecting anyone to supervise him because at 9 he doesn't need someone supervising him for a few minutes before he lines up to go into class.

Lets leave the accusations of being a piss taker for people who are actually taking the piss.

Ok, I'll make it really clear:
Accident on school property = schools responsibility = financial liability.
Accident in street = parents responsibility = possible SS involvement
Most people = decent people = will help anyone who has had an accident anywhere.
It is to ensure schools can claim under their PLI if there is an incident which leads to a civil case.
I don't do stuff without insurance, and neither do schools.

Ask your school what time their insurance starts from. If it's 08:40 and covers children who are in the playground early then great, you're doing nothing wrong (a sign that this is the case would be a teacher in the playground early, but it doesn't sound like this is the case). If it's 08:50 (etc) then the school are not covered for your child to be there and you are ultimately responsible for them; but you're not there and you're essentially making them the ward of other parents in the playground who are waiting with their children.

she is not expecting anyone to supervise him because at 9 he doesn't need someone supervising him for a few minutes before he lines up to go into class.

She really is, because she knows that there are adults on site for an emergency, and is leaving the ultimate responsibility for her child to them.

Willow2017

You are misunderstanding my point. I think what the OP is doing is fine. My question is in response to that particular poster asking the OP who she expects to be responsible for her child and telling her she is cheeky for expecting other people to take responsibility if they hurt themselves, then saying they do exactly the same thing with their own child if they go out to play.

My question is in response to that particular poster asking the OP who she expects to be responsible for her child and telling her she is cheeky for expecting other people to take responsibility if they hurt themselves, then saying they do exactly the same thing with their own child if they go out to play.

That isn’t what I said.

What if I said to my child, “I’m late home today. Go down to number 14 and play outside that house. I know there’s a SAHM there. You’ll be safe.”

That would be the same as this. I would be leaving my child, not unsupervised, at my own risk, but co-opting supervision for my child from a specific person without their permission.

On work days I used to leave my 9 Yr old int he playground. There was 80 percent of the school there that early and lots of parents he/I knew. Others also did it. He was mature enough. By the end of Yr 4 he used to get off the bus and I'd stay on it. He had to cross 1 crossing the rest was no roads. And loads of people. The school recommended end of Yr 4 to start walking alone.

No it wouldn't be the same at all herculepoirot2.