Family think I'm bad for leaving child at school 10mins before door opens

[pointbla]

I take my year 4 child early 10 mins before the school doors open and leave him there. I have another child to take to another school. He's 9 , I see no problem with it , other children are there too. Also, I don't regularly do that just occasionally.
My family seem to think this is very bad and I am putting my child at risk as the kids mess about. AIBU?

Where i live now, bullying would be an issue, it's before and after school when children get targeted.

But where i used to live my 9 year old walked to school by herself.

My 10yo is not allowed to play out in the street unsupervised
Do you stand and watch them??
OP of course it’s fine, better than these bloody parents who stand every day and watch until little Freddie is out of sight inside the building.
If he walked himself he could easily arrive with 10 mins to spare, I feel sorry for the kids with half the MN parents; playing in the street is feral; Jesus wept get a grip🙄

I would love to give my 9’year old more independence.

However there are so many dick headed drivers who drive too fucking fast. Plus idiots who complain at traffic calming measures so they don’t happen.

As a result, I will not let my child walk anywhere or go out etc. It feels too dangerous.

So unless that is tackled, then people won’t be happy letting their 9 year olds out.

At my school, you can drop off 15 minutes before the register closes.

It depends on time and circumstances doesn't it @WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt

We live close to the park. But he's not 7 yet so he doesn't go alone. If I'm busy making the tea or whatever, he can scoot up and down the street for a while. When I'm free we might go to the park, or we might go for a walk and he'll (keep calm) scoot along the streets as we go.

How does this seem unreasonable to you? Are your kids ferried from door to park and back? Is the street 'common' or something? What if there's...some grass in the street? Where does that sit on your acceptability scale?

But regardless, playground or not, some schools do not allow unsupervised children until a certain time, which can be 15 to 20 minutes after the gates open

That's fine, the 9 year old can hang out on the street outside for 10 minutes, it still doesn't change the appropriateness of dropping the kid there.

In my DC's school we're not allowed to leave them until 8.30 when a teacher goes on playground duty. We're allowed to arrive before that but have to stay till 8.30. The school goes up to year 4.

@WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt

It's not about the child's independence, it's about who is responsible for the child when he's on school property out of hours!

Re the above - and I'm def not trying to be poke a hornets nest, I'm just interested and perhaps a bit out of touch with today's attitudes and values, but... who is responsible for a child when they go out and play with their mates down the park, or go for a walk or similar? Why is being on school premises so very different. The school gates wouldn't be open if there were not some staff about, presumably they are playing in the playground rather than running about inside the school (so no fire alarm or safety issues)... I'm sorry but I really don't see the need to have a named adult responsible for every minute of the day. It begs the question "how do children become adults?" and I think the answer is complex but definitely includes being given small amounts of trust and responsibility at an early age. Children will amaze you with what they can achieve when allowed to.

But @Iggly that problem obviously isn't going away. And you're going to have to let your kid out alone sometimes. It's terrifying but we all need to let them flex their independence a little. That's our job, additional to, you know, keeping them alive.

I agree@msmith501 I'm not sure about this 'responsible adult' thing either. It strikes me as a bit of bolleaux and legalese cover for 'you're a lazy parent'.

The school gates wouldn't be open if there were not some staff about,

The staff are about, but they are busy. They haven’t assumed responsibility for the children yet.

@NailsNeedDoing gets it spot on.

Yes its ok, until something happens, then what?! It is very unreasonable to put the responsibility then on the teachers who may be busy preparing for their class. Or God forbid they may not even be at school yet sorting out their own children! (Cue the teachers only work 9-3 brigade)

If you are happy thinking your child may break a bone or gain an injury and nobody be there to help then go ahead.

Why don't you just ask another parent who does stay to watch your child? You could then return the favour having their child at the weekend or something?

It's fine. Many nine year olds walk to school by themselves, he's in a familiar place, it's only for ten minutes. If he had a freak accident in the school playground then you certainly couldn't hold the school responsible, however I'm sure a teacher or another parent would help out.

msmith501
but that's not the point at all.

If anything happens, the school will be held responsible. It's more about the attitude of parents who will jump and blame the school should anything happens.
Schools cannot and don't want (and shouldn't) have to supply extra staff out of office hours.

it's not really about the children themselves. When they are in a park, it has nothing to do with the school.

My family seem to think this is very bad and I am putting my child at risk as the kids mess about.

I think there's more to this. What do you mean 'the kids mess about'. Has something happened? Your family seem to think the issue isn't the leaving him unsupervised but whatever behaviour is going on.

If he had a freak accident in the school playground then you certainly couldn't hold the school responsible, however I'm sure a teacher or another parent would help out.

Probably, but wouldn’t it be courteous to ask if that was okay? And isn’t it just cheeky to assume?

@Russell19 so if a teacher is in the classroom at 8.50 getting ready to start their day, are you saying that they should not have to have any caring responsibility for a kid lying 50 feet away with a broken leg, or that the kid would be seen as an inconvenience?

Surely even a stranger would act better than that towards any injured child.

What a depressing view.

At 9 he would potentially be considered old enough to walk to school depending on the distance and traffic...? I cannot see any issue here.

Totally fine

Russell19 so if a teacher is in the classroom at 8.50 getting ready to start their day, are you saying that they should not have to have any caring responsibility for a kid lying 50 feet away with a broken leg, or that the kid would be seen as an inconvenience?

They shouldn’t have to, no. The fact that an irresponsible parent has forced them to be responsible for the child is that parent’s fault, because they are a cheeky fucker. Obviously no teacher would leave a child sitting there with a broken leg. But that doesn’t make it their responsibility.

10 mins I think is fine, my daughter is also in year 4 and I would trust her to stand in the playground for 10 minutes if I had a to rush to a meeting.

There is a child at my daughters school that's there a good 45 mins every morning before the gates open. Just sitting in the bus shelters. Year 5 or 6. I really feel for him as I drop my kids to the breakfast club and see him sat there playing on his phone in all weather.

At our school there are staff members on duty in the playground once the gates open, I think 10/15 min before the classroom doors open. we drop junior aged kids in the playground and wait with infants (I have one of each at the moment). So what you do would be fine and expected here. If earlier than the playground opens, we need to use breakfast club. It depends how it works at your school.

I’m sure I don’t know any mumsnetters in real life - there’s some very weird ideas on here. Yes it’s fine to leave a 9 year old for 10 minutes, yes it’s fine to leave a 9 year old home alone for a while, playing in the street does not make your child feral, just normal 🙄

There seems to be a theme on these threads that it’s really unreasonable to ‘expect’ anyone to take responsibility for your child if they hurt themselves. I’ve read it on threads about leaving a 10 year old in the waiting room at the doctors while you go in for your appointment. Whatever happened to ‘it takes a village’ mentality? The VAST majority of people are nice, decent people who would help if there was an emergency (unlikely emergency). If I saw a kid fall off a climbing frame I don’t sit there looking for their mum (not dad, because dads aren’t expected to be on hand every second of the day 🙄) because the child isn’t my ‘responsibility’. I run over to see if the kid’s alright, do my best to look after him and if necessary would phone an ambulance. Just like if I collapse on the street I would hope that a stranger would help me. It’s sad that people have the attitude that ‘it’s not fair’ to expect people to help each other

People have to wait in the school playground with their kids in the morning?

We're not allowed anywhere near the school playground after the first week of P1. We drop them at the gate or the car park, they walk up the path to the school, they go round the back into the playground. I can't even see the playground from where I drop them off, it's got trees all round it.

how do you jump from obesity to not playing in the street?

Quite easily:

www.theguardian.com/society/2017/aug/22/fight-child-obesity-let-children-play-outdoors-more-with-friends

Obesity is a much bigger risk than stranger danger. Most parents are getting it completely wrong, and most kids don't move about anywhere near as much as they ought to.

www.nursingtimes.net/news/behind-the-headlines-archive/most-children-not-active-enough/5006789.article

There seems to be a theme on these threads that it’s really unreasonable to ‘expect’ anyone to take responsibility for your child if they hurt themselves.

It is! They’re your children, not mine. Why would I assume responsibility for them?