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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family think I'm bad for leaving child at school 10mins before door opens

694 replies

pointbla · 19/07/2019 09:02

I take my year 4 child early 10 mins before the school doors open and leave him there. I have another child to take to another school. He's 9 , I see no problem with it , other children are there too. Also, I don't regularly do that just occasionally.
My family seem to think this is very bad and I am putting my child at risk as the kids mess about. AIBU? Hmm

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 16:00

Willow2017

No, as it happens I agree that social media is damaging and a risk. Entirely. But this thread isn’t about those things. It is utterly meaningless to start listing more risky things. I haven’t said the child is at serious risk. I have said the OP is being cheeky. Nor is this thread about my parenting. I haven’t asked about my parenting.

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 16:02

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone

The Op was only rightly suggesting that in the grand scheme of things her child was much more likely to encounter these problems on the internet than whilst waiting outside his classroom for 10 minutes.

But that has nothing to do with what I am saying. She can point that out, but it doesn’t mean she isn’t being cheeky.

mikado1 · 19/07/2019 16:03

They have RainonmyGuitar . I was teaching 7yos about doing some things for themselves and mentioned my 6yo likes to put on the dishwasher and the washing machine. One child looked absolutely horrified and came in the next day to say he'd told his mum who said it was way too dangerous! Gin

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 19/07/2019 16:05

But that has nothing to do with what I am saying.

But you brought it up?? You literally posted:

And the same, I assume, if he got into a fight? Or someone was bullying him? Or someone was targeting him for grooming? Or flashing outside the gates?

You’re expecting staff, who aren’t yet working and aren’t responsible, to step in. Yes?

The Op commented on it in her reply because you brought it up...

AbbyHammond · 19/07/2019 16:06

she is expecting the staff to supervise him.
No she isn't, she's expecting that in the case of an emergency, near by adults would assist him.

Which is what anyone expects every time they allow a child to go anywhere without them. It's what I expect for myself every time I go out alone.

bellinisurge · 19/07/2019 16:06

Plenty of kids that age at my DD's primary are left at this age.

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 16:06

AbbyHammond

She specifically said staff, not nearby adults.

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 16:07

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone

Please, no more. 😂 You aren’t interpreting me correctly. My synapses are going to explode.

gamerwidow · 19/07/2019 16:07

It think it can be seen from the thread that different schools have different set ups and what is right for one area would be wrong for another.
If the teachers at your school are happy for children to be in the playground unsupervised for 10 minutes before school then it's fine for you to do so. I assume if it wasn't OK an email would've been sent out saying not to do it or they would have locked the gates.
The fact that it's not allowed at my DD's school or some other people's school is neither here nor there.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 19/07/2019 16:09

she's expecting that in the case of an emergency, near by adults would assist him

Exactly which they would probably still do even if his mother was standing right next to him because they are his teachers and they care about him.

AbbyHammond · 19/07/2019 16:09

Near by adults in a school are pretty likely to be school staff hercule Confused

Assisting a child in an emergency isn't the same as supervising them, providing childcare or being responsible for them.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 19/07/2019 16:10

You aren’t interpreting me correctly. My synapses are going to explode.

How have I misinterpreted what you are saying?

DontMakeMeShushYou · 19/07/2019 16:15

She specifically said staff, not nearby adults.

Yes, to help him and call her because they will be able to access her contact details. That's not the same as supervising him.

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 16:20

Assisting a child in an emergency isn't the same as supervising them, providing childcare or being responsible for them.

It is being responsible for them. It is entirely different from hoping that a passer-by who might be so inclined will help them. It is saying, “Don’t worry, darling, if you land in trouble, go to the teacher.” That is cheeky, because you should be supervising them. The teachers are busy and not responsible for your child.

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 16:21

Yes, to help him and call her because they will be able to access her contact details. That's not the same as supervising him.

It is. If she were there, nobody would need to 1) stay with her child because he was sad/injured/sick 2) call her. This is expecting the staff - who are otherwise engaged - to parent for her. Cheeky as anything.

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 16:22

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone

I am not going to get into it with you again. If you couldn’t read my posts the first time (which again, could be my fault) there is no reason to think you will be able to if I type them all out again.

cabingirl · 19/07/2019 16:22

Sounds like this is 2 different issues (3 if you count hercule's ethical one - which I don't)

  1. What is the OP's school's official position? If like many posters the school allows children to stay on the playground outside their classroom without adult supervision for ten minutes (or whatever their official policy ) then she is fine to do so.
  1. Then she can address her concern about being judged by her family members - what is their exact concern - what does 'kids messing about' mean - is there a concern with this particular group of kids that means her child is unsafe

If the school has a no drop policy or there is a valid concern about the kids messing about at this particular school then the OP can either ask another parent to supervise her kid or pay for breakfast club, or one of the other solutions suggested above.

Rainonmyguitar · 19/07/2019 16:25

There are either lots of naive, or stupid, or people living in naice areas on here.
The only unaccompanied child you'd leave in schools round here would be the bully himself or a hard kid

Excuse me? Stupid? Are you really suggesting that OP would leave her child alone in the playground if the big bad bully was waiting to pounce? Just because that's your experience doesn't mean it's everyone's.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 19/07/2019 16:25

I am not going to get into it with you again. If you couldn’t read my posts the first time (which again, could be my fault) there is no reason to think you will be able to if I type them all out again.

I read and understood your posts perfectly well. It was you who appeared confused in why the Op would bring up bullying and grooming online when all she was doing was responding to your point. I suggest next time making a much clearer point and then not getting cross when someone tries to counter it.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 19/07/2019 16:27

It is saying, “Don’t worry, darling, if you land in trouble, go to the teacher.” That is cheeky, because you should be supervising them.

The Op has not said that though?

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 16:27

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone

I am not cross. I just don’t see the point in arguing with someone who seems incapable of understanding me correctly.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 19/07/2019 16:29

If your judgey fam have an issue with it, maybe they can help you out with childcare?

Rainonmyguitar · 19/07/2019 16:29

They have RainonmyGuitar . I was teaching 7yos about doing some things for themselves and mentioned my 6yo likes to put on the dishwasher and the washing machine. One child looked absolutely horrified and came in the next day to say he'd told his mum who said it was way too dangerous!

Oh my good god Shock. That parent deserves a good kick up the arse. I despair, I really do.

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 16:29

The Op has not said that though?

I wash my hands. 🤷🏻‍♀️

DontMakeMeShushYou · 19/07/2019 16:30

Hercule
It is.

No, it isn't. Supervising is different. It means to observe, and nobody is expecting you to do that in this scenario.

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