Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family think I'm bad for leaving child at school 10mins before door opens

694 replies

pointbla · 19/07/2019 09:02

I take my year 4 child early 10 mins before the school doors open and leave him there. I have another child to take to another school. He's 9 , I see no problem with it , other children are there too. Also, I don't regularly do that just occasionally.
My family seem to think this is very bad and I am putting my child at risk as the kids mess about. AIBU? Hmm

OP posts:
NKFell · 19/07/2019 14:52

@DontMakeMeShushYou Lake District too.

Totally normal for children to play out dawn 'til dusk and climb trees and build dens.

My 10 yr old could walk to school but it would be with his 6 year old sister so she's a wee bit too young. I walk with them and leave them there at 8:40 which is the time the school say to get them there by even though the doors don't open until 8:55.

Original poster
pointbla · 19/07/2019 14:53

I should add the member of staff supervising the big car park gate is from 8.25am. He is outside the school not inside where my child is walking

OP posts:
gearandloathing · 19/07/2019 14:56

FFS at that age I was getting the bus on my own into the city to go to school (was at independent school, not local).

9 is fine. We should be encouraging kids to be more independent.

Richard Branson was dumped in some woods by his mother at the age of 4 and told to make his own way home (in his autobiography). Not saying that's right, but he reckons it was the making of him.

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 14:58

AudacityOfHope

So you would volunteer someone without asking them, to take responsibility for your kid so you could go elsewhere? Yep - cheeky fucker time, that.

AudacityOfHope · 19/07/2019 14:59

What terrible incident do they foresee happening when kids run about in a playground I.e. a space especially designed for them to run about in?

Drogosnextwife · 19/07/2019 14:59

Sometimes I wonder on which planet some MN pretend to live, with kids spending their summer in the street, building dens, climbing trees... yeah right, that totally happens

My kids are outside playing right now with the other 5 kids in the street and the next, in the rain aswell 😱

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 19/07/2019 15:00

Sounds like a perfect way to introduce some independence as I first suspected. I know the concept may seem odd to your family but he does need to learn to cope and be responsible for himself at some point and this is a great first step.

myself2020 · 19/07/2019 15:00

He is 9! no problem at all

AudacityOfHope · 19/07/2019 15:00

No @herculepoirot2 you haven't understood my posts at all.

I'm not keeping going with this back and forth any more. Thanks for the convo, and for keeping me from doing what I was really supposed to do today, but I'm out now.

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 15:01

In terms of responsibility, I'm not assuming anyone has responsibility for him and it goes on trust and the fact I know he will be sensible. I'm assuming he is responsible for himself. If something did happen , I won't be blaming the school.

And what would you expect to happen, if something happened to him?

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 15:01

No @herculepoirot2 you haven't understood my posts at all.

My understanding isn’t in question. I get what you mean. You think other people are responsible for your child’s wellbeing. They’re not. HTH.

Original poster
pointbla · 19/07/2019 15:04

@herculepoirot2
I get your point because essentially
I'm expecting a member of staff to help him if he was seriously hurt and call me but as a parent I take the risk to be very minimal so I'm risking it

OP posts:
DontMakeMeShushYou · 19/07/2019 15:06

Totally normal for children to play out dawn 'til dusk and climb trees and build dens.

Yes, playing out is quite normal here too. But not in the school playground as it's only accessible immediately before and after school.

frogsoup · 19/07/2019 15:07

Hercule, what would you expect to happen if you broke your leg in the playground? Would you say that it would be cheeky fuckery to expect some help?

alittlerayofsunshine · 19/07/2019 15:09

@pointbla

I wouldn't judge others for doing it, but I wouldn't do it. I can't explain why. I just wouldn't.

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 15:11

frogsoup

You are confusing adults - who are responsible for themselves - with children. Nobody is obligated to help me if I hurt myself. I am obligated to make sure my child is safe. Different.

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 15:11

I'm expecting a member of staff to help him if he was seriously hurt and call me

Right. So yes, you are being very cheeky. Sorry, I don’t mean to make you feel bad, but you are.

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 19/07/2019 15:13

When I was nine I walked to school all by myself.

YANBU.

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 15:13

And the same, I assume, if he got into a fight? Or someone was bullying him? Or someone was targeting him for grooming? Or flashing outside the gates?

You’re expecting staff, who aren’t yet working and aren’t responsible, to step in. Yes?

alittlerayofsunshine · 19/07/2019 15:15

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman

When you got the the school (after walking all the way there by yourself at 9,) did you have to hang around outside for 10-15 minutes before it was open?

Thought not.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 19/07/2019 15:15

Right. So yes, you are being very cheeky. Sorry, I don’t mean to make you feel bad, but you are.

Why is she? It is clear from the Ops update that it is not just her child who is left and that the school have not said anything about him being left which would suggest they are unhappy about the situation. For the small amount of times its been necessary to leave him the risk is miniscule. I am sure Op if you asked his teacher they would probably be only to happy to confirm the arrangement is ok since you need to get your other child to school. I know I as a teacher would have no concerns with a sensible 9 year old who is moving into year 5 shortly being unattended and should anything happen to him I would offer my assistance whether you were there or not.

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 15:17

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone

Because she is expecting staff to parent for her.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 19/07/2019 15:19

And the same, I assume, if he got into a fight? Or someone was bullying him? Or someone was targeting him for grooming? Or flashing outside the gates?

As a teacher I would get involved in all of the above situations whether the child's parent was in the playground or not. I would assume other members of the teaching profession would do the same? They wouldn't just turn a blind eye because it was half 8 and the doors didn't open until 8.40.

mikado1 · 19/07/2019 15:19

This thread is making me twitch with other people's anxieties and what ifs. I've been teaching for 20 years Gin and in all my supervised duties, and that of my colleagues, and all the unsupervised observations (before and after school in the playground), there's been one arm break (monkey bar drop) and.... That's it! A bit if trust in children wouldn't go astray. They generally just want to run around and chat to their friends. Worrying about what could happen while playing chase is OTT. Sometimes there's a scraped or bleeding knee, it's minor and quickly recovered from. I didn't realise some people would literally wrap their children in cotton wool if they could! OP you're fine. A 9yo never left alone is probably not though.

Drogosnextwife · 19/07/2019 15:20

Sometimes I wonder on which planet some MN pretend to live, with kids spending their summer in the street, building dens, climbing trees... yeah right, that totally happens

You are not obligated to make sure anyone else's child is safe.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.