Family think I'm bad for leaving child at school 10mins before door opens

[pointbla]

I take my year 4 child early 10 mins before the school doors open and leave him there. I have another child to take to another school. He's 9 , I see no problem with it , other children are there too. Also, I don't regularly do that just occasionally.
My family seem to think this is very bad and I am putting my child at risk as the kids mess about. AIBU?

AudacityOfHope

Now you seem to be deliberately missing the point. Several people have indeed said things like “It takes a village” and “Of course another parent would step in.” They do expect me - or someone else - to make sure the child is okay.

"Not everyone in the UK understands "year 4" I don't have a clue what it means.

Seriously?! In Scotland I understand it's called primary 4. I'd say the equivalence is not terribly hard to spot! Also, is it really beyond anyone to work out that year 4 is, well, the 4th year of primary (give or take a year, given reception) and so going to involve kids of around 8-9?! I didn't grow up in the UK at all but I think I'd have had a fair bash at working that one out.

Hercule I totally agree that it should not be teachers responsibility, and if we were talking half an hour I'd have a different perspective. But 10 minutes is no time at all. Every school is different I know, but for us 10 mins early is only 5 mins before the kids start lining up with teachers ready to start the day.

@babybythesea nails it. There's nothing wrong with giving your children independence, but sometimes it seems like code for "someone else will take care of my child if there's a problem".

My friend is a librarian. There's a woman who drops her eight-year-old daughter off at her library every week and picks her up an hour later. She's never asked the library staff to keep an eye on her daughter, but let's be honest - she knows perfectly well that they feel morally obliged to do so. She's basically treating them as unpaid childcare. If, for example, she were to return and find her daughter missing, and one of the staff members said that they had seen the girl talking to a strange man, I guarantee she would blame them for not intervening.

I walked to school with friends or by myself from around 6yo, I know children nowadays who also do from maybe 8yo.
Does a 9yo really need supervision while playing outside for 10 minutes?

Ok I think were going round in circles here unnecessarily and you do seem to be taking some comments quite personally.

We can agree to disagree on whether it is right or wrong to leave the child herculepoirot2 and admit we are unlikely to come to a place where we both have the same viewpoint however that doesn't make the Op a bad parent. She may parent differently to how you do but given her AIBU was whether or not she was a bad parent for leaving her child under the circumstances outline I think we can agree it doesn't make her a bad parent, just a parent making a choice to resolve a difficult problem don't we all do that occasionally?

Hercule I totally agree that it should not be teachers responsibility, and if we were talking half an hour I'd have a different perspective. But 10 minutes is no time at all. Every school is different I know, but for us 10 mins early is only 5 mins before the kids start lining up with teachers ready to start the day.

10 minutes is definitely long enough for a game of football (broken leg), or climbing a tree (yes, they do this), or a fight to break out. It’s too long, really.

I haven't said that though...

Not everyone in the UK understands "year 4" I don't have a clue what it means

Sure, but it's fairly easy to Google and stop yourself looking like a tit by posting about 4 year olds.

however that doesn't make the Op a bad parent.

I certainly didn’t say that. I just said it’s cheeky.

AudacityOfHope

You said nobody had said it.

*Drogosnextwife

Well, go on, then - why?*

Well you would be leaving a single person in charge of your child's safety without them having any idea your child was even there. In a school I'm sure they expect there to be children in the playground 10 mins before the bell, and whether that child is alone or with an adult, and had an accident, they would go into the school for first aid treatment if necessary.
Also you would be telling your child that one adult in particular is solely responsible for them until you return. That's not what OP is doing. She doesn't expect any single person the be responsible for her child. He is 9 and can be trusted to stay in the playground for 10 mins with his friends. If he was to have an accident, like I said before, the same thing would happen wetherr his mum is there or not.

Oh @Valanice1989 I see that differently. My 9 year old goes to the library by herself for maybe 20-30 minutes. She loves to go alone and I grit my teeth trying not to shit myself while she's there. She has a GPS watch so I can see where she is, and we can message each other on it.

I've never ever considered the librarian to be in any way responsible for her. She capable of, you know, siting in a room reading for half an hour with actually requiring adult intervention. I don't use it as childcare; I'm at home, and I'd rather she went with me! But she wants to exercise her independence so my fear shouldn't stop her. And not should I have to worry that someone with no context will make the assumption that I've turned them into a de facto babysitter.

"But what if I don’t want to stand there anyway? What if I have places to be and decide to leave my child, too? What if we all did that?"

Well that would be fine. I've decided that my 9yo is ok unsupervised for 10 minutes and can deal with most common eventualities that might arise in that timeframe. In the event of an uncommon eventuality like a serious accident, then he will certainly need help. But so would you and I in that situation, and do you never leave yourself unattended?! We all might have to rely on others in emergencies!

10 minutes at age 9 is a non issue. A lot of kids walk to school at that age which is far more dangerous.
Realistically the kids who are spending 10 minutes outside playing in the mornings are probably going to be doing better in school, as exercise helps with focus etc.
It is very unlikely that any harm is actually going to come to them.
And 9 year olds are often outside playing without supervision in estates etc, for periods of longer than 10 minutes.

Christ alive. I meant nobody had said they're asking YOU to do it personally. This is so boring now. Like arguing with an angry chicken. Peck peck peck.

Who are these "family", if they are so upset about this have they offered to take your year 4 child to school for you and wait in the schoolyard until its time to go in - thought not.

And Hercule, if there is a broken leg in the playground, whether or not the parent is present, you surely wouldn't just sit there doing your marking ten feet away minding your own business?!

!I meant nobody had said they're asking YOU to do it personally. This is so boring now. Like arguing with an angry chicken. Peck peck peck.

Then stop.

You are the one translating "outside" by "the street", that wasn't the original comment for a start*

Are you so narrow minded that you think everyone whose kids play outside play in the 'street'. You don't have the critical thinking skills to work out that some of us live in estates that have large grassy areas or other areas the kids play on? And FYI I never mentioned the word street. And as for your 'real world' comment, you're certainly not living in the real world. You actually sound a bit strange.

10 minutes is definitely long enough for a game of football (broken leg), or climbing a tree (yes, they do this), or a fight to break out. It’s too long, really.

At 9, really? If you have a 9 year old, do you honestly never leave them unsupervised for a minute incase any of those things happen? You can fall and break your leg in about 3 seconds.

Where are all these schools where the playground can be accessed 24/7, because they aren't any of the ones near me.
So that means it can't be true?
Usual mn response if i don't know/experience it it's bollicks.
Not everyone lives where you do primaries round my area are not locked up tight after school. Kids play in the playground all the time. Get over yourself.

I probably should but what I'm working on this afternoon is really hard and this is an excellent distraction

Sigh.

Stuff to do. People are just repeating themselves.

Of course it is fine to leave a 9 year old in the school playground for 10 minutes before school starts. I did it, and sometimes she walked herself too.

So I must clearly be a dreadful Mum.

Sometimes I wonder on which planet some MN pretend to live, with kids spending their summer in the street, building dens, climbing trees... yeah right, that totally happens.

Again I haven't experienced it so it doesn't happen shite.

Have you heard of rural areas, the countryside?

Don't ever come to rural Scotland you would wouldnt know where to start with your judgmental crap.

Kids spend the summer's outside playing, raking on bikes, making dens, climbing trees, going to the beach, swimming pool without thier parents monitoring them every second. It's called childhood here.