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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To share on facebook or not?

85 replies

owlettafeather · 18/07/2019 22:34

I've been unwell and in intensive care for just over a week. Obviously, close friends and family know, but there are a number of people who dont have a clue.

I don't tend to share huge amounts of detail on facebook, and don't want to seem like one of those attention seekers checking into hospital, but it would be an easy way to let people know in bulk.

Would you put news like this on facebook, or is it impossibly crass?

OP posts:
WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 19/07/2019 17:39

It's completely fine if you are very private and don't tell anyone your business, not sure it's fair to decide that everybody should be the same - it's nice to have support and get friends involved.
I think a stay in intensive care is a pretty important event!

SkelterHelter · 19/07/2019 17:47

I wouldn't. A lot of my friends on FB are casual acquaintances and old work colleagues. They don't need to know.

By the way, when did we start 'reaching out'? I'm hearing it more and more. What's wrong with ask or tell?

Rivkka · 19/07/2019 18:25

I would like to know if I was a friend in case I could do anything to help.

crimsonlake · 19/07/2019 18:31

Concentrate on getting better instead.

TheTrollFairy · 19/07/2019 18:35

I wouldn’t because it shouts a bit drama llama to me. If you wanted to post something so people know why you may have avoided texts etc you can just put that you have been unwell with no energy and will be back to the real world soon

Jubba · 19/07/2019 18:43

No no no. It’s crass. It’s an awful way for anyone who cares to find out!

Imagine finding out one if your friends or family were in intensive care from Facebook! How awful. I’m not on Facebook and the amount of things I miss makes me sad. People don’t talk anymore.

Jubba · 19/07/2019 18:47

You are also making people aware your home is empty. I always wonder why people check in. You’ve just told the world your house might be empty for the next week. One of my friends posted a picture of her child under the school sign and wondered how some creep who followed her home one day knew how! She had it as her profile pic....

Smelborp · 19/07/2019 18:49

I think it depends on your friends list settings. Beat in mind though, putting it on Facebook is no guarantee that Facebook will show it to people.

IHaveBrilloHair · 19/07/2019 18:49

I have a lot of hospital appointments and admissions, I share them all on FB and update.
Why wouldn't I, it's what's currently going in in my life.

Rainatnight · 19/07/2019 18:51

I don’t get the pearl clutching on here. It’s a fairly big thing to happen. I don’t see anything wrong with saying it on Facebook. Presumably people who care about you in a life or death way already know?

I hope you feel better soon. Flowers

taylorowmu · 19/07/2019 18:52

No one is pearl clutching.

Some people think it's for Facebook, some people don't.

AvengerDanvers95 · 19/07/2019 18:53

Some of the people who ask why you would share something on Facebook have seriously missed the point of Facebook. I don't see any problem with it. As for 'concentrate on getting better', how is spending 60 seconds writing a quick status going to impede someone's recovery?

taylorowmu · 19/07/2019 18:57

Some of the people who ask why you would share something on Facebook have seriously missed the point of Facebook.

I don't think so. You can choose how much or how little you share. The point isn't to share everything and anything, unless you want to.

AvengerDanvers95 · 19/07/2019 19:04

And the OP does want to but is worried about judgypants people.

seven201 · 19/07/2019 19:07

Just tell people when you see them or message if you really think they need to know. Hope you recover quickly.

BetsyBigNose · 19/07/2019 19:19

I have just been discharged from hospital after a 3 week stay with SEPSIS. I rarely post on FB (maybe one every 3 months or so), but once I was feeling more myself (about 10 days in), I did put a post on.

Admittedly, the main reason I wanted to post was because the day before I was admitted to hospital, I had been behaving very strangely at work - not being able to hold a drink without spilling it and suddenly being completely clueless as to how to work the computer system - culminating in me falling asleep in a meeting and dropping my notes all over the floor, so I was quite embarrassed and wanted my colleagues to know that there really was something wrong with me - I wasn't just being an oddball! Additionally, I have a large, extended family with lots of half-siblings and step-siblings, and it just felt like the easiest way to let people know that I wasn't being crap in not replying to texts and calls, I was properly poorly!

I had been receiving lots of very kind messages whilst I was in hospital and wanted to thank the congregation of our Church for their prayers and as I'm unlikely to be well enough to attend a service for a few more weeks, again, FB just seemed the easiest way.

I also used the opportunity to ask for some TV/Netflix/AMAZON recommendations, since I'm going to be off work for ages (so very, very bored... everyone recommended Stranger Things, despite me asking for non-sci-fi TV Hmm)

I hope you're feeling much better very soon OP.

taylorowmu · 19/07/2019 19:38

And the OP does want to but is worried about judgypants people.

Not sure what your point is? OP asked for people's opinions, whether you or she agrees with said opinions, that is what she got.

thesunwillout · 19/07/2019 19:40

'stalist lives'

Rather hope you never find yourself in a life threatening position in hospital.

Being in intensive care is terrifying.

taylorowmu · 19/07/2019 19:42

Rather hope you never find yourself in a life threatening position in hospital.

It's because I have been there that I wouldn't consider it a life event for Facebook.

Being in intensive care is terrifying.

I am only too aware of that.

thesunwillout · 19/07/2019 20:24

Great, so having such experience and awareness shouldn't really necessitate using the term ' the stalist lives'

Just rude

taylorowmu · 19/07/2019 20:27

Great, so having such experience and awareness shouldn't really necessitate using the term ' the stalist lives

The stale comment was very much referring to it being a 'big life event' for Facebook. Not the fact of being in hospital.

taylorowmu · 19/07/2019 20:28

To be fair though, my comment probably was rude.

TinyMystery · 19/07/2019 20:40

I don’t get all the negativity here.

Checking in at the hospital with a sad face emoji is one (awful) thing. Posting ‘I’m currently in hospital with X, recovering well but I might not be able to do X, Y, Z for a while’ or similar to let people know is perfectly reasonable. Also saves having to explain yourself to every acquaintance you meet in Sainsbury’s for the rest of time.

When DH ahead a serious accident I posted on Facebook to let people know (a couple of days later, explaining briefly what had happened and the prognosis, and explaining we might not be attending certain activities, events etc.). It was really helpful actually as people offered lots of support that otherwise I wouldn’t have known existed tbh.

IHaveBrilloHair · 19/07/2019 20:49

I post daily with photos!

IHaveBrilloHair · 19/07/2019 20:51

I update with what the Dr has said, how I'm feeling.
Photos of my dinner of course, of the view which is pretty great from this hospital.
I use FB a lot, I talk to a lot of people so why would I just go silent for two weeks?

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